Poetry Friday: What are your biggest fears, hopes and dreams?

Hello and welcome to my blog! I wrote this on Wednesday because that is when the prompt was given and inspiration struck. Im posting it on Friday to keep up the poetry Friday tradition. My poems sometimes come from strong emotions, and sometimes from prompts. I could be watching a movie and a scene stirs my emotions and inspires me to write poetry, or I could be experiencing anxiety or depression or happiness, and the next thing you know I wrote a poem. I have so many unfinished poems. When inspiration strikes but im busy, so I write a few sentences then I have to stop before I burn the pancakes, or im interrupted by my son or husband needing one thing or the other.

The prompts on Miraquill don’t always inspire me. Otherwise, I would be writing daily poetry. Sometimes, im too busy to even look at the prompt. Sometimes I read the prompt, feel nothing, and move on. This time, I was inspired to Google “what do most people fear, hope and dream?” Turns out most people have the same fears, hopes, and dreams like me! So I pretty much wrote this for me and for you, about us. We all want the same things. Love, acceptance, appreciation, and none of that depends on money and status. It’s all about the people you surround yourself with. It’s all about your mindset and mentality.

What are your biggest fears, hopes and dreams?

I know you see that blue horizon
And it seems so far away
And the dreams you have are across the ocean
But the ocean seems too deep

What lies ahead is far too scary
You’d rather stay in your boat safe
There are sharks out there, you could grow weary
From swimming in the cold and deep

But a storm is coming so adjust your sails
You’re afraid of success, afraid you’ll fail
Afraid of what you’ll find when you get there
But it’s okay, just breathe in deep

You want to be a blessing and help those in need
You got to learn this lesson, advice you should heed
Listen more, talk less, bring joy to your friends
In a selfish world, be of service
Be a loving and caring person

Laugh more, why so serious?
Give more, don’t be delirious
We all want to live a healthy life
We all want a balanced life

So when you’re in your boat
Afraid to row
Breathe in deep
Imagine where you want to be
And start rowing

And if a storm comes by
Adjust your sail
And if water comes inside
Dump it out with a pail

Because the vast ocean can’t drown you
But a hole in your boat can
Hold on to the ones who found you
And be a gentleman


©soujji

The 1st draft went on Miraquill

Get your coupons to shop on my storenvy before they expire!

So I had a long day yesterday. Someone kept trying to hack into my social media accounts using my number. They tried again this morning. I know because I keep getting verification codes from Whatsapp, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and Google. Thankfully, they weren’t able to get into my account, but it freaked me out a bit.

Today im directing my focus to my storenvy shop. Also, my sisters came over and we had pizza and watched a movie and are cookies and cake and drank mango juice. Im still drowsy from the sugar rush.

I have an announcement for you. My redbubble account is a bit rigid to market because I don’t have much freedom with it. I just put the design on the products and they do everything else. With my other shop, I get to edit the price to a certain extent, add personalized messages to my orders, and get coupons as well. They are limited and time-sensitive, and they’re meant for me to use, but I decided to give them to you. However, I would prefer if they were used on my products, and so far nobody has checked out my storenvy shop (the analytics let me know how many people actually click the links I put) except for maybe 1 or 2 people.

I currently have a 5$ coupon that expires in 2 months and a 10$ coupon that expires on December 30th. Which means if you buy even 1 product, you get a coupon! Just let me know which product you with to buy and I will give you a code to use the coupon. If you’re buying a product that is less than 20$, you will get the 5$ coupon. If your order is more than 20$, you will get the 10$ coupon.

First come, first serve. Let me know in the comments which product you wish to buy and I will request your email and then send you the code.

https://sajidahaddad91.storenvy.com/?epik=dj0yJnU9SjQ2NHphN1paT2lqdjU5TkhuYXdCaFF2RmM0VkRZSWImcD0wJm49ZlFlcjZtTXpvZFBZZEpSdkFWNWxTdyZ0PUFBQUFBR0dYMDhN

Throwback Thursday: How did I get here?

Good morning and welcome to my blog!

It’s my son’s 2nd day of exams today. We studied hard yesterday and reviewed a bit today, so I hope he does great. Im going to work on my printful and redbubble shops while he is at school, but 1st, do you think I should add an Etsy storefront today so I can make more products (storenvy limits me to 20 products) or wait until I at least make my 1st sale? Also, im thinking of offering a free product (I specify the product but discuss with you the design so I customize it for you) for the 1st customer who buys with over 50$ and if it works I might do this offer once a month (if the shipment rate isn’t too high).

I try to live in the moment as much as possible. Im even using an app called MindTales. It has guided meditations, breathing exercises, and much more. I try not to reminisce too much or worry about the future. But it’s good to look back every once in a while and see how far you’ve come. I wrote this post a year ago:

How did I get here? Is a book about how significant moments in my life altered my perspective. It’s 2 books that I wrote in 2013, a year before I got married. Little did I know the future that awaited me, and yet I reflected on my life then and got myself out of the bad place I was in, through writing.

What’s special about this book is that it was the 1st book I wrote. It was 2 books, as I mentioned earlier, that I combined. The 1st one was Wants vs. Needs and the 2nd one was 100 Things to be grateful for.

This is a self-help book filled with advice and my own experiences. It helped me a lot, just writing it.

In the 1st part, I explain Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, what happens when a need is not fulfilled, the difference between a desire and a need, and how to find out what you want and what you need.

In the 2nd part, I define gratitude and the difference between state gratitude and trait gratitude. I talk about the benefits of gratitude and why it’s important to be grateful for the bad things and not just the good things. I explain why we forget to be grateful and end on a note to encourage practicing gratitude.

This book is for everyone. I wrote this before I got married, before I became a mother, so it’s not targeted for mothers like my 1st book. It’s a quick read, and not too heavy material.

You can find the kindle version of my book here on Amazon and the paperback version here.

I hope you buy my book and benefit from it. If you do, please let me know. I’d love to read your feedback.

How to get out of your comfort zone

After doing this challenge, or attempting to, I realized I am knee-deep in my comfort zone. I had a conversation with my brother about this today. He was talking about my mood swings and how im always stressed out and often unhappy. I explained that anytime I’m out of my comfort zone, I freak out. However, I do consider that I’ve done a lot of things out of my comfort zone since covid. I still have a long way to go, since I couldn’t even complete a 21-day challenge. Let’s see what I could or couldn’t do from this challenge:

21 ways to get out of your comfort zone:

1. Wear something that’s a little different than what you would normally wear.

I’m very routine in the way I dress. However, I didn’t used to dress the way I dress now a few years ago. I didn’t used to wear pink and purple and designs. People don’t seem to notice because when I go out of my comfort zone, I venture slowly, like a turtle.

2. Tell someone they are interesting and give a reason why.

I thought of this and freaked out. 1st of all, most of the people I know are boring. To think someone is interesting is to not know them yet, because once you get to know them, you get used to the interesting parts and they become normal to you. I think anyone with hobbies or certain skills is interesting. I have a friend who can draw very well. I find that interesting because drawing takes dedication and a certain calm. I find it weird to tell her I think she is interesting because she can draw. I know someone once told me im interesting because of all the stories I have and all my various hobbies and interests.

3. Try a new recipe.

I baked an apple cake a couple weeks ago. Im baking an orange chocolate cake now (technically not a new recipe because I tried it once before) but the apple cake was a 1st try. I also cooked fettuccine for the 1st time during the same week.

4. Try a new workout (Zumba, yoga, pilates, kickboxing, etc).

I didn’t do this. I already do pilates and once in a big while, yoga, but Zumba is bad for my knees. I used to do kickboxing as a kid, until I turned 12, then I tried gymnastics.

5. Reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while.

I did this, but I don’t remember who it was. In general, sadly, im usually the one who has to reach out and text 1st.

6. Take a different route while going to work/school.

I tried this, even though I don’t like to take the construction route.

7. Have a difficult conversation with someone about a topic you’ve been avoiding.

Oh boy. Im the queen of avoiding confrontations, except with my husband, I can get very confrontational. I wasn’t brave enough to do this.

8. Buy something you’d never buy at the grocery store.

I bought cooking cream for when I made the fettuccine.

9. Start learning a new language (use Duolingo for example).

I started learning Turkish! In fact, im practicing every day. Im using an app called Turkish for beginners.

10. Give someone a spontaneous gift.

I remember I gave someone a gift but I don’t remember who or what. However, recently I gifted my brother a shirt from my shop.

11. Ask for help if you need it or help someone without them asking.

I don’t keep track of who I help and how but im generally a helpful person to my loved ones. I don’t go above and beyond to help, but I do help. Im not one to ask for help, though.

12. Make plans for the weekend or for your day off.

I visited my mom and in laws during the weekend. I don’t really make plans on Saturday and Sunday. I just go with it.

13. Try a new hobby/sport that you’ve always wanted to.

Nothing came to mind.

14. Start a conversation with a stranger.

Does that time I asked a stranger what her 1st impression of me was count?

15. Try a digital detox today.

Im too much in the house to try this. Ivent done a 24 hour digital detox in a long time, though.

16. Create a vision board (get inspired on Pinterest).

Vision boards aren’t really my thing. I often visualize my life after one of my books become a bestseller.

17. Take yourself out on a date.

I don’t feel comfortable with this…

18. Ask someone on a date/compliment someone who intimidates you.

Im married so I can’t ask anyone out on a date, and nobody intimidates me so im not sure who im supposed to compliment. However, saying and accepting compliments makes me very uncomfortable, when they’re face to face. I do compliment people via text all the time. Does that count?

19. Start a blog/youtube channel/new Instagram page/a book, whatever your heart desires, give it a try.

I already have a blog, a YouTube channel, 2 Instagram pages, 10 books, and a podcast. This month I started 2 shops so im counting that as flying out of my comfort zone.

20. Go somewhere new to eat or to take out.

I haven’t been going out lately because A) I was sick B) I have no friends and C) I don’t want to splurge unnecessarily

21. Start a new challenge with a friend (you can use one from this app or create your own). Or simply share this challenge 🙂

I’m sharing this challenge with you all!

To do this challenge, go to: https://21dayschallengeapp.com/app/challenge

As you can see, I did at least half of the challenges so im not waist-deep in my comfort zone as some people who know me claim. However, I do have a lot of work to do to get out of my comfort zone. Most of the things im uncomfortable with revolve around people and risk due to my social anxiety and my fear of failure, respectively.

What did you do today to get out of your comfort zone?

Storytime: Parenting wins & the struggle to be mindful

Today was a good day. Somewhat routine. A bit boring. I felt a bit ill in the morning, but it was on many accounts, a good day. Yes I yelled at my son a lot, and my sons exam was postponed and it was an unusually long day, but it was a good day! Why do I keep repeating “it was a good day”?

Because my mind keeps messing with me. As I was doing the dishes, my heart fluttered in that way when you feel happy. I felt gratitude for the life im living, for the food and family and shelter and regaining my health. I felt tenfold gratitude my son for so many reasons. It was a good parenting day. I get a gold star. Then my mind started “but it feels too good to be true”, ” how long do you think this happiness will last”, “this isn’t real, this is an illusion”, and so on and so forth.

Soon enough, I felt bummed from the routine, depressed because nobody bought from my shops on black Friday, and angry because my family didn’t call me (well my mom called me and one of my sisters texted me but that doesn’t count, according to my brain).

I also played monopoly with my son today. I make an effort to do an activity a day with him. Sometimes we do several activities together. Sometimes we do none. Today I suggested monopoly because he was lounging most of the time and I wanted him to do something and also I wanted to spend time with him. Yesterday we played uno so today monopoly. However, he has this thing where whenever he has to pay rent, he throws a fit. The 1st time today, he paid rent without a fit, just a sad face. 2nd time around, I sensed a fit coming so I told him “you need to get used to playing the right way. Sometimes you pay rent. Sometimes I pay rent. It’s just a game. We’re playing to have fun”. He said, “well im not having fun”. I said ” if you’re not having fun, let’s stop playing. The whole point of me playing monopoly with you is so that we spend time together and have fun. So you either pay your rent and we continue playing or we stop the game. It’s your choice.” He just remained silent so I said “let’s take a break and we will continue playing later” and after an hour of him just playing with his toys, he suggested we organize one of the drawers in the tv closet, so that’s the activity we did. I organized the junk drawer (we all have drawers with random stuff in them) and he organized a cupboard with his papers in it.

On and off I felt mindful today, and everytime, in the middle of me appreciating my life and breathing it all in, my mind would start tugging at my sleeve and reminding me of other things. Like just now, as I was holding my sons hand in an attempt to get him to fall asleep (bedtime was not an easy task today but I handled it with so much grace and patience and compassion that im proud of myself), I was thinking how grateful I was to have been a patient mom today. I validated my sons feelings as he cried because I wouldn’t let him stay up late and watch tv. I held his hand and wiped his face. I told him it’s okay if you’re mad at me. I love you even when you are angry and sad.

And then after he calmed down and my heart swelled, my mind went “this is a perfect blog post idea. Write a blog post about today. Do it. You didn’t blog today. Write it down before the words float away” and so here we are, after struggling to soak in the feeling of being mindful and happy despite so much not going my way but nevertheless happy that my marriage is good today, my parenting was on point, and I communicated with 2 of my sisters, texted one of my brothers, and briefly spoke to my mom. My son didn’t fall asleep until 10:30 pm and tomorrow he has an exam at 7:30 am so it’s going to be a rushed morning. I hope I don’t wake up groggy like I did today. But then again, today turned out okay.

P. S. I made some new designs in my redbubble shop. I’m limited to 20 products on my storenvy shop, so I can’t add more unless I add another storefront. I’m thinking about it, but I don’t want to overwhelm myself.

Here are some of my products:

Storytime: A lot on my mind, but nothing to say

I have a lot on my mind, but I have nothing to say. Does that make sense?

I am 90% recovered from being physically sick. Mentally, im getting obsessed with my shops, wondering why nobody is buying. I must suck at marketing because the designs are amazing. I told one of my sisters about my shop. Eventually, im going to have to tell the others, but I don’t like this feeling. Having to hide when im doing nothing wrong. I don’t want to bring family drama to the light but I have a point when I don’t want to mix family with business. Yes, it is a bit absurd that I and 3 of my sisters have individual shops, but opening a business together is too risky. I’m not a risk-taker. Even the business decisions I took make it that they take a percentage of my profit. I won’t risk having a fallout with my sisters over money.

Money is a sensitive topic. We never had much of it growing up, and in this economy, it’s an even more sensitive topic. I guess im anticipating when my older sister is going to find out and then it blows in my face. That’s all im saying.

Today, my son asked me something. I forgot what it was but my answer was: There are 2 types of people. Grateful people and complainers. Grateful people go to the seaside and say im grateful I got to spend time with my family and watch the waves. Complainers will say it was too hot or too windy or we stayed too long or we didn’t stay long enough.

Tomorrow is the 1st day of my son’s exams. My in-laws are making such a big deal of it, it annoyed me. They told him he had better get a perfect grade. I’m glad he isn’t phased by what they say. I hope so. It’s like they were trying to make him stressed about the exams. For me, it’s no big deal. He studied. He has an exam. As long as he gets a good grade, im good. I’m not a stickler for A’s. My husband and in laws are, though. It really gets to me. I end up making my son study extra out of fear of what they will say if he doesn’t get a perfect grade.

Today was a good day. My health is good. Everything is good. I mean the whole country is in an uproar but otherwise, im good. There is just this heaviness on my chest. It’s been there all day. I’m not sure what it means. Maybe I need to reconnect with nature.

I’m grateful for my family, despite the distress they bring me. November is almost over. It went by too fast. I’m thankful for all my readers and everyone who supports me in any way.

Black Friday 2021 is over, but Cyber Monday is on its way!

Hello readers! How are you doing today? Did you buy anything on Black Friday? How is your holiday shopping going? Any specific products you are looking for?

I can help you out. Let me know what type of product you want, for yourself or as a gift for a loved one, and I’ll send you the link of the product, or if I don’t have it, I’ll try to design something you want.

Check out my shops on storenvy and redbubble, or check out my books on Amazon if you’re looking for a book. I made some new designs today so be sure to check them out and let me know what you think! I’m so excited to be on this new journey of opening my own business. I still have a lot to learn, but I appreciate your encouragement and support and it would mean a lot if you just checked out my shops, even if you didn’t buy anything.

https://www.redbubble.com/people/SajidaHaddad/shop?utm_source=rb-native-app&utm_campaign=share-artist&utm_medium=android

https://sajidahaddad91.storenvy.com/?epik=dj0yJnU9SjQ2NHphN1paT2lqdjU5TkhuYXdCaFF2RmM0VkRZSWImcD0wJm49ZlFlcjZtTXpvZFBZZEpSdkFWNWxTdyZ0PUFBQUFBR0dYMDhN

https://www.amazon.com/kindle-dbs/author?ref=dbs_G_A_C&asin=B088CSMQVP

Apple pie and my favorite books

Hello everyone! How are you doing today? So today I woke up feeling better. My throat is still scratchy and my voice is hoarse, but I took the cortisone for the 5th and last day. Thank you to everyone who read my blogs when I was sick and commented sending me get well soon wishes. I appreciate your care more than you know.

Also, I went to my mom’s today, after 3 weeks of not going, because they were sick before I got sick so I didn’t visit them while they were sick so I don’t catch it and I caught viral bronchitis from the air because I didn’t go anywhere. Anyway, you guys know how much I enjoy going to my mom’s. Sometimes there is drama, but I like going there because I feel that everyone missed me and wants to spend time with me. I had one on one time with each of my sisters and with my mom and dad and brother. We took some pictures, and my mom made apple pie! It’s one of the things my mom bakes well, besides chocolate chip cookies and chocolate cake. The pie was so good I had 2 pieces!

She made 2 different kinds of pie. This one is more like a tart, with a harder crust.
This is the softer crusted pie with the dough cover on top. They were both equally delicious!

I’ve been planning on writing a post today about my favorite books, but I had to let you know about my day and the apple pie 1st. I have read a lot of books, between paperback and ebooks. The problem with reading ebooks is I forget what I read later. Like I remember I read crucial confrontations and I still have it as a pdf, or I accidentally deleted it, but I forgot a lot of what I read. I do remember it taught me a lot of things, though. Then there are the books I read while I was registered to the library for 2 years. I forgot everything I read. They were mostly novels, except for the Paulo Coelho books, which I wish I could keep. I downloaded a few Paulo Coelho books but im very slow to read pdfs. I’m better with a book in my hand. Then there are the pdfs I started and didn’t finish, despite them being interesting.

Also, I haven’t been reading much since my son started school. I’ve been focused on reading blogs more. The book “The 7 habits of highly effective people” helped me with time management, but I haven’t read it in a year because I felt I wasn’t able to apply everything I have read so far. It is a really good book. My TBR list is so long I can’t even put a number on it. Then there are the books I borrowed from others and gave back, no matter how good they were. Then there are books people borrowed and never gave back. I grieve all these books. I want them all. I want my library. 😭

Then there are the books I lost. Emotional equations was a very important book to me, but I can’t find it anywhere. Also, today, as I was taking pictures of my favorite books from my miniature library, I realized another book was missing. The positive you. I don’t know if it’s lost or someone borrowed it. Ok now that I grieved the loss of those books, let me show you my current favorites that I own.

My favorite fiction books

How I survived middle school by James Patterson. I watched the movie 1st, but it was a long time before I read the book. I’m not the type of person who has to read the book before the movie adaptation, but this was a light read, very interesting, completely different than the movie.

Savvy by Tracie Peterson. This is a book about a girl who acquires magical powers as soon as she becomes a teenager. I found it very interesting. I’m not good at doing book reviews but all you need to know is I loved it.

A beauty refined by Tracie Peterson. This book is a bit rusty in my mind. I had to google it to refresh my memory. It’s about a German woman, Phoebe Von Bergen, who is looking forward to accompanying her father on his trip to Montana to buy sapphires. She has no idea that her father’s ambitions for the diamonds and his daughter aren’t what they appear to be.

Time stops for no mouse by Micheal Hoeye. I don’t normally read books written with animals as the characters, but this was a really good book. It’s about a mouse gone detective when his friend goes missing. It has so many hidden meanings.

The secret life of Ms. Finkleman by Ben H. Winters. This is a great book about a shy high school teacher and how she impacts her students and they impact her.

Forever Princess by Meg Cabot. This is actually the 10th volume of the Princess Diaries series, of which there have been movie adaptations! I have watched all the princess diaries movies. I think there were 3. The book is completely different. I bought this from a book sale so this was the only available one. I wish I could read all the other 9 but I feel it would be pointless after reading the 10th and knowing the ending.

There are so many other fictional stories that I read and absolutely loved, but this post is getting too long already. Moving on.

My favorite non-fiction books

Character is the key by Sara Dimerman is the only parenting book I own as a paperback. I have many others as pdfs but I haven’t read most of them yet. I may have mentioned this book before while I was reading it, but I think it’s the perfect book to hold family meetings and determine your values as a family.

The positive us and the positive you (the prequel that I found missing today) by Anita Papas, a Lebanese author, are the 1st self help books I bought. They mean so much to me because I was in such a dark place and these books pulled me out of it and showed me how to crawl out of depression and be positive, for myself and for my friends and family.

Feeling good by David D. Burns MD. is a masterpiece! I didn’t really read the last 3rd of the book, which is comparing antidepressants, because I don’t take any, but if you are suffering from depression, this book will help you, along with therapy or medication. It certainly helped me. I often recall bits and pieces I learned when im feeling stuck.

The power of habit by Charles Duhigg is an eye-opener. I’m yet to implement the things in this book which I read 9 years ago, because I tend to try to change everything about myself and then give up when I get overwhelmed. I’m currently working on 5 habits at a time rather than my usual 20. I hope it works.

You are what you did by Danny K. Lebbos is a short read, but packed with gems. It’s about a CEOs journey and how his actions determined his destiny and to change your destiny, you must change your actions.

What are your favorite books?

Do you like Apple pie?

Poetry Friday: Message in a bottle

Hey

I saw you the other day

And ever since I can’t stop wondering

Are you doing okay?

Are you really happy?

Because ever since I broke your heart I’ve been feeling guilty

I hope you’re following your dreams

I hope your life is where you want it to be

I hope the love you found is what you need

Because my love would have hurt you anyway

Hey

Since I saw you the other day

I imagined we could have a conversation

Because at the beginning we were friends

But I know the altercations

I see the lines painted in red

I hope you looked me up and found out about my books

I hope you’re proud of all the things I’ve done

I’m telling you, I’ve just begun

I’m on a rollercoaster journey

And I wish I could take you with me

As a friend

I still dance

In case you ask

But only when im alone

My son hates dance and music

But I still listen to music

When im on my own

My life turned out pretty well

From the outside looking in

But im still taking back my freedom

And im addicted to some things

I still get sad and lonely

Even worse than when I was alone

But I indulge in romance novels and tv shows

And I read and I write

I get creative with designs

I’m living my life

As a hermit at home

I don’t have many friends

At least nobody wants to hang out

And im sick a lot

My health has been through a lot

But I don’t regret letting you go

I hope you found the love I couldn’t give

I hope you found happiness

I just wish

We could still be friends

But I know the rules

I won’t bend them too

So here’s my message in a bottle

And im throwing it out to you

I hope some day this gets to you