I know this doesn’t register much for a lot of people, but in those rare moments when i feel proud of myself, i like to share.

This is the summary of my daily steps (excluding housework and workouts which i haven’t been doing much of anyway, except for today) during the month of November (last month) and comparison to the previous months.

I excercised for 20 minutes today as opposed to 5 minutes yesterday.

I need feedback to feel encouraged. It’s really hard for me to motivate myself (I’m trying. I even read a book called 100 ways to motivate yourself), and so when I do manage to do a small success, I like to put it out there, so I am further motivated to take bigger steps.

This summer, in August, I went to Turkey. While I was there, I was very physically active. This declined as I slipped back into depression (the depression that began in July) but thankfully, I am inching my way out of this depression bit by bit but I’m not completely out of it.

I found the source of my depression to be mainly sensitivity to criticism. Deep down, I don’t feel worthy unless the people around me tell me so. And in society, where everyone is so ready to point out your mistakes and give unsolicited advice, acting as if successes and wins and productivity are all NORMAL and not worthy of praise, it’s hard.

I wish I wasn’t so sensitive. I wish I wasn’t so demanding of TLC (tenderness, love, and care) and I wish I gave myself the encouragement and motivation I instinctively give my family and friends (or do I?). I’m insecure about all my relationships and it shows. I think it makes others uncomfortable. It also makes me seem desperate for attention.

So there it is. My progress. I’m proud of myself. During the day, I tend to sulk in self-loathing several times. I recall an event that happened a week ago or a month ago, in which I was socially awkward, and I beat myself up over it. Or when I yell at my son, I torment myself feeling like the worst mom ever because I can’t keep my temper under control.

Lately, what I’ve been hating myself for the most, among other things, is overeating. I’m not even sure if it is due to stress, depression, boredom, or what?! I just know that when there is food, I see it, I want it. And when there isn’t, I’m thinking about it.
So instead of self-loathing right now, I will pat myself on the back for walking more than last month and go from there. Maybe once I get moving more, I’ll automatically think of eating less. I hope so…

Do you walk/exercise daily?
Are you an emotional/bored eater? Please share how you motivate yourself to exercise and eat healthily. If you’re struggling like I am, know that you are not alone and we can do this!