Scutwork

I am a very inconsistent person and I think you can tell from my blogs. Sometimes I write every day, sometimes I write once every two days and at times every 3 days and in cases when i’m sick, once a week. It really affect my stats because the more consistently i write, the more my views increase. Anyway, writing blogs for me is not just about the stats. Of course, I get happy when I see that my stats are increasing but I also know when I’m pushing myself too hard and this week, the reason why I haven’t been writing is because I’ve been busy i’ve been going out more. Monday I went walking and i wrote a blog about it and that was it.

Tuesday I spent the day with my best friend and then there’s Wednesday and Thursday. The situation in Lebanon was a bit quiet for a while, or at least I thought it was quiet, and then things just exploded and things are getting really violent with the protests, so yesterday and today my son didn’t have school and I have a migraine to prove it.

I wanted to write something meaningful and wise. I’ve been reading a lot and I’ve been getting a lot of wisdom from my readings and the book that I’m currently reading is actually about the Civil War in Lebanon and the 2006 war in Lebanon and it’s about realising what’s important and living in the moment and appreciating your loved ones.

I stress so much about things like “I’m so behind on housework” and these things are very important actually because a clean home and a tidy environment create a clean and tidy mental space.

I wrote this long to do list today because I did not write a to do list yesterday and I felt so lost and out of balance and I just cried and so today I overwhelmed myself and I put 23 things on my list actually and then postponed three of them until tomorrow and so I have 20 things on my list and I’ve done 14 and and it’s 7:30 p.m. and the thing is; I had to keep on stopping because I had to spend time with my son which is something actually really important, more important than housework. It’s just, this dilemma that I have when I do housework while my son is at home: I had to give him screen time in order to be able to do housework and that makes me feel guilty and then when I am spending time with him and playing with him, which I just spent 90 minutes of quality time with him and yet my to-do list is nagging at me at the back of my head so i feel guilty for not being fully present with him and that’s just how I’ve been today.

I just told my son that I can’t colour with him because i have a migraine, which is true but also because I have a lot of things to do and I can’t just rest because my son is still awake (we both woke up 9am today so good luck to me to get him in bed before 10pm).

My son was actually coloring in front of me during the writing and editing of this blog post. He even gave me 3 stickers just now. Does that mean i’m still a good mom?

So the reason why I haven’t written in 3 days is because my mind has been all over the place and I haven’t had much time to just sit and write and I’m getting migraines everyday even though I went out three times this week but my head feels very heavy.

I don’t know how to explain but do you ever feel like you’re just going by your days doing scutwork and nothing is meaningful and nothing matters because it can all go away any minute? That’s how I have been feeling so i apologise for not writing and hopefully soon I will write a blog post about co-sleeping (parents know what I’m talking about). I’m going to talk about my experience with co-sleeping and sleep training within 2 days hopefully so stay tuned.

2 responses to “Scutwork”

  1. The way you described is how I feel today! I didnt get anything done, because my kids didnt have school today. So now I’m behind on housework and blogging. I did enjoy spending time them; but I hate falling behind.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel you. Sending you love 😍

      Liked by 1 person

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