There is this tightness in my chest…
When I suddenly remember things that have bothered me in the past, and these feelings of being trapped wash over me in waves…
I feel like I’m drowning…
Me, as I type on my laptop
I’m doing this to myself.
I’m working on a project, and I have another project in the back burner for later, when I’m done with this one.
It’s a process. Writing.
My blogs, sometimes I research for them, and sometimes, like now, I just write what I feel. I’m sure you can tell the difference.
On my laptop, however, are the juicy stuff. The ones that I have to dig deep within my soul and talk about the things that make me feel most vulnerable. It’s exhausting and painful at times, but necessary for my growth and hopefully future success.
I get busy with housework and motherhood, which is all important, so I don’t find much time to type. It’s not possible to just spend my days writing.
Inspiration comes from my experiences as a mom, as a wife, as a friend, as a sister, as a daughter, as a Muslim, as a human.
If I had no experiences, I’d have nothing to write. Often, though, my most inspiration comes at dawn, when I’m supposed to be either asleep resting or doing housework or reading.
Last night, I had a great idea to write. I actually wrote the whole thing in my head as I was putting my son to sleep. Moments before I fell asleep, I could feel that great idea slipping away. It’s gone now. Well, I remember bits and pieces. It had something to do with dreams, the kind you have in your sleep. I was basically psychoanalyzing why I’m always running away from someone in my dreams. They never seem to catch me, and I never get to see them. I just sense they’re there, and I’m afraid, so I run and hide. If someone is an expert in dream psychology, feel free to psychoanalyze me.
So I was responsible today. I didn’t sit down to write this blog until after I finished my housework. I didn’t even drink my coffee until then. I didn’t eat much, just 7 almonds,literally. I’m not proud of it. My appetite is a bit off lately and my sleep is not so good. Sometimes. Not every night. Last night I slept from 10pm until 4am. That’s it.
I have to go now. My son just woke up. It’s a big day today. Long to do list.