Our priorities are the areas of our lives that are meaningful and important to us. They’re usually activities, practices, or relationships that we want to put genuine effort and time into. Priorities imply that a hierarchy can be followed for different areas of your life and/or work.https://theblissfulmind.com/top-priorities-in-life/
I was venting to a friend the other day about my problems, and I don’t remember what I said exactly but basically, I gave her a list of all the things I was angry about. Things that I wanted in my life but couldn’t have, for one reason or another.
She said something very insightful. She said that I need to sit with myself and think about my priorities. Pick one or two and work on making them happen. Don’t try to get everything you want all at once, or you’ll end up with nothing.
I kind of knew this already, but I’ve been avoiding doing what I need to do. Every month since November 2019, I’ve been making 20 + goals and tracking my progress, telling myself if I achieve 5, I’m good. The problem is that I’m never fulfilled. I’m stressed out all the time. Even when I go for walks, it’s to get in steps. I walk around tense and startled from the sound of cars and the looks of people.
I keep myself busy with reading and writing. I’ve been meditating. It helps, but it’s not enough. I’ve been exercising, but not every day. I haven’t been socializing.
What I want: a teaching job (but I’m terrified to even apply because I haven’t taught in 6 years and before that I used to tutor one on one), a car and to practice driving (I’ve had a license for 7 years but I never practiced driving an automatic car), a fit body (my eating habits are all over the place), nice mom friends, nice neighbor friends, to not be socially anxious, to be patient and graceful, to be wise and spiritually connected to God, a desk, a treadmill, a library, to volunteer and give back to society, more me time (I love my son but he needs to see kids more often and I need to see adults more often), for this pandemic to end, for the economy in Lebanon to recover, world peace, the end of poverty, to write a best selling novel, for people to buy my books, to read all the ebooks on my laptop, to sleep early, wake up early, and maintain energy throughout the day, to eat healthy balanced meals, a healthier marriage (my marriage is fine but there’s always room for improvement).
Is that too much to ask?
So I categorized my goals and I’m working on things to do daily, weekly, and monthly. I noticed I’m more consistent with the daily things. I’m not even going near the monthly things, with the mentality of “I have all of January to do this”.
About work, I thought about it and realized work is not a priority right now because where am I going to put my 5-year-old when I go to work? In the middle of a pandemic where people are losing their jobs, the country is going on lockdown every few months, and the economy is a bust. Who needs a teacher when schools are barely holding themselves together going online? Then suddenly I decided to check my emails today and I went down a rabbit hole and before I realize what’s going on, I’m updating my CV. I need lessons in prioritizing. My top priority is being the best mom I can be. My son is still highly dependent on me and not prioritizing him is making him super clingy. 2020 has been hard on me, but on him too being an only child. He is getting bored and lonely and he needs my undivided attention, not my anxiety-ridden attitude. Also, self-care is a big priority for me because you can’t pour from an empty cup. But I also need to socialize, … Do you see what is happening here?