In the middle

Hello πŸ‘‹ reader and welcome to my blog!

“Chaos in Color” by

Today is the 14th of January 2021. We’re in the middle of the month, in the middle of a storm, in the middle of winter, in the middle of a complete lockdown (you now need a permit to leave your house), in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, in the middle of political chaos, in the middle of an economic crisis.

That’s where we are now.

In the middle!

When you’re in the middle of something, it’s hard to take a step back and assess your situation. It’s hard to objectively see where you are. In this vast universe, where we are is a blip on the radar, but to us, we’re right in the middle.

It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when everything is pitch black, but here’s the thing. It’s not pitch black! There is a light within you called hope. There is light around you called love. There is light above you called faith.

I made goals for January because it’s hard for me to sit idle (as a mom to a 5 year old, I don’t get to sit down much) without working on self improvement. Otherwise, I think about all the things I cannot control and I spiral into anxiety or depression and either one is bad because then I can’t take care of myself or my son.

But goals aren’t everything. Being mindful and grateful is more important. Before I calculate the success of my goals this week, I know it’s going to be less than last week, because I know I ate a lot of junk food, didn’t exercise much, didn’t sleep well, didn’t get much reading done, etc.

However, I also know that I wasn’t the hulk this week. I know that even though I did yell at my son a lot, I spent more time with him. We connected more. I said yes more (I’m usually saying no). He made me a princess pencil holder (they taught him how to make pencil holders in art class online and he asked if he could make more and after making 2 more, he asked me if I wanted one and if I wanted to design it or if I wanted him to make one for me. I told him I’d rather he make it for me, not just because I don’t like to draw but because I feel children’s drawings of you express what they think of you, and I’m flattered he thinks I’m a princess. He also thinks he is king which says power struggle all over it but that’s for another post)

I also sat with him a bit while he was playing with his play doh (I normally do things that I love with him, like play uno or monopoly or snakes and ladders. He likes them but he doesn’t love them) and he asked me to make a person and then he made a cape for that person. He said that person was a Superhero. Honestly, I think he was making his dad.

Also, did I mention we’re in the middle of a storm? You know how much I love rain. I tried to catch the lightening. I couldn’t. I could see it but there was too much wind.

I also have been talking to my sister on the phone daily, who has 2 kids and is in the trenches (of being stuck at home with kids) just like me. But as much as I crave some alone time, I know I’d peobably binge watch This is us if I got some me time, rather than clean the house or work on my goals.

I’m a bit anxious about the next 7 days but I know I’ll make it. I’ve made it this far and I’ll keep grounding myself with gratitude and mindfulness and keep myself busy with my goals. I also need to remind myself to call my parents and grandparents and text my friends.

So if you feel like you’re in the middle of this and you can’t take a step back to see the full picture, ground yourself and turn on the light.

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