How are you doing?
It’s 1 am and I can’t sleep. Partly because I had a nap today and also because I’m anxious about the Friday outing. We are going to be out all day. This is exciting because, since the pandemic, my outings have become few and far in between, but also scary because I have social anxiety and I’m going with 44 other people, most of which I barely know. But also it’s nice because we are going to be amongst nature and I can’t wait to play with my son and with others (I’m a bit nervous about the latter).
I decided to find the pictures from the last and only time I went to this place 3 years ago. My in-laws went and I had to convince my husband to let me go with them because he didn’t want to go so naturally he didn’t see why I should go. Normally, my husband’s presence acts as a buffer with my mother in law but if I’m going to appease him, I’ll end up at home all day doing nothing but housework.
When we went in 2018, my sister-in-law said she had so much fun and wanted to make it a weekly outing. We never went again (my husband isn’t the only homebody in his family) and when I suggested it to my family, for some reason, they weren’t interested. None of my friends ever suggested going and so I never went again, but this Friday is my chance, and if I play my cards right, I’ll be invited to future outings as well and I’ll be able to bring my son before he becomes old enough to not want to go anywhere with me.
Looking back, I always wish I was more mindful whenever I went anywhere. I always end up yelling or getting irritated or acting neurotic, then when I look back, I wish I was more playful and in the moment. You can’t get these moments back. I mean, I can get some really good pictures from an outing, but do you know how much I complained during the trip? No, because it’s not on camera, but I remember. I will try to remember the good parts of every trip I’ve been on, especially since the pandemic began, my outings have diminished considerably.
Throwback to 2018. Hopefully, in the future, I’m more mindful.
P.s. my son doesn’t even remember going here, even after I showed him the pictures. The good news is he doesn’t remember that I was in such a mood that day because my husband refused to come with us (he’s a total homebody, which is something I wasn’t comfortable telling people before the pandemic but now apparently many people have come out as homebodies or become homebodies so it’s okay).