Why can’t I just be happy?

I read a lot about mindfulness and gratitude. I stop and list the things I’m grateful for, like my house, the AC, and Wifi. But when it comes to the people in my life, especially those with whom I spend the most time, it’s a different story.

I try to analyze why my mind is full of complaints, and everything that comes out of my mouth is criticism. I have no answer. I say maybe I’m bored or maybe because we don’t have anything in common so there is nothing to talk about, besides our son’s antics.

So what are my options? Nag and sulk, or accept. I’m working on it. Such is human nature. We focus on the wrong. We get caught up in the story in our heads and act as if it is true.

This brings me to the question I asked myself today.

Why can’t I just be happy?

Am I incapable of contentment? Acceptance? Is this why my previous engagement failed? Is it all my fault? Am I unable to be a loving caring tolerant person? Do I deserve to be alone? I’m starting to believe I do…

Am I alone in these feelings? How can I make myself happy?

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