Do you ever feel alone, like you don’t belong? I feel like that a lot. However, I love statistics. I use them to track my personal growth. Personal growth and maturity can’t really be measured but I measure how often I brush my teeth, shower, exercise, sleep by 11 pm, read Quran, etc. I feel left out quite often. After living in Lebanon for 22 years, I still don’t fit in. I don’t stand out either. But I find solace in my internet friends. I have real friends too, but I barely see them. Some I haven’t seen in years, because they live abroad.

So let me try to label myself and google the statistics of each label, in an attempt to feel less alone.

I’m a human. World population in mid 2020 was 7,772,850,162

I’m a Muslim. 24.1% of the world population are Muslims. Hello, all my fellow brothers and sisters in Islam. If you’re a Muslim and you read this, comment below! Also hello to all my non-Muslim friends. I respect our differences.

I’m bilingual. Over 50% of the population speak at least 2 languages fluently. If you are bilingual, then you know the struggle is real! From forgetting words in either language to being unable to form a sentence without using both languages in the same sentence, and so much more!

I’m a mom. There are an estimated 2 billion mothers in the world. I salute all the mothers out there. Single, married, widowed, adopting moms, moms who lost a child or had a miscarriage, and those who are moms at heart but are unable to have children. You’re all superstars!

I’m a stay-at-home mom. While 71% of moms do work outside of the home, 29% are staying home. Being between 4 walls is tough. Don’t forget to exercise, hydrate, go outside, take a break, hide in the bathroom, eat ice cream, etc. Working moms as well!

I’m a writer. There are over 1 million freelance writers globally. There is a writing community on Twitter. Follow the hashtag #writingcommunity and give each other a #writerslift. This hack did wonders for me. It made me feel at home on Twitter. Writers do think alike.

I’m a blogger. To date, there are more than 500 million blogs out of 1.7 billion websites in the world. Their authors account for over 2 million blog posts daily. So if you’re reading my blogs, out of all the content out there, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This blog is the only place where I can be myself and talk about my thoughts and feelings. Nobody cares that I contradict myself or change my mind according to my mood, and I’m congratulated for being so self-aware and open about my feelings here. This blogging community is my support system. My family and friends don’t even read my blogs. At least most of them don’t.

I have a podcast. There are currently over two million podcasts and more than 48 million podcast episodes. If you listen to my podcast, thank you so much! Your support is very much appreciated.

I’m married. Only 4.3 percent worldwide are married! That is such a low number. Maybe they included children and widows and divorced people in the population? I know that 50% of marriages end in divorce, so every year I remain married, I pat myself on the back for remaining patient. Not that I condemn divorces. If you’re not happy in your marriage or your spouse is abusive physically or emotionally or cheated or for any reason, you feel you can’t endure your marriage, you have every right to divorce. But for me because of my specific situation, a divorce would be a hasty decision born from anger and ending in regret and heartbreak. So far I’m okay in my marriage and I’m working on making it thrive rather than just survive. Married people, how long have you been married, and do you have any advice for me?

I suffer from anxiety. The prevalence of anxiety disorders across the world varies from 2.5 to 7 percent by country. Anxiety isn’t something I flaunt. I own it because it explains why my body is so sensitive to stress, but it’s not an excuse not to work on my self improvement. Since the pandemic, my anxiety has gotten much worse. I can even feel that I have changed with my family, my in laws, my friends. I’m more withdrawn and it seems like I’m in a bad mood or bored all the time when I’m just anxious and trying to breathe.

I get bouts of depression. More than 264 million people suffer from depression worldwide. (World Health Organization, 2020)

I think that’s enough statistics for now. I feel less alone already, and yet I feel so special. This encouraged me to work on being a better and kinder person, because it’s not about fitting in or being liked. I used to be so sweet and helpful. As much as I appreciate my internet friends, I need real life family and friends to survive. I’m already working on my marriage, and I called my mom today. I’m going to make an effort to build bridges with my in laws again. I don’t know if it’s true or my anxiety telling me they don’t like me, so wish me luck.

2 responses to “Statistics”

  1. I love this post! I am also a big fan of statistics, partially for the data and partially because my husband canโ€™t say the word so I get to make fun of him when he tries ๐Ÿ˜‚
    As a fellow mom and wife who deals with anxiety, I have been so happy to find blogging. Just being able to write out my thoughts with no concern to them fitting a certain mood or genre has helped me get through many of my days over the last few months.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks! I’m really glad I found someone like me! Best of luck to you in your endeavors ๐Ÿ˜Š

      Liked by 2 people

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