I don’t have anything wise to say today. I’ve been a basket case lately, losing my temper every time my son disobeys me. I take everything personally. I start yelling and threatening, and obviously, that doesn’t work. I deleted all his games today because he hit me in front of his teacher when I asked him if he went to the bathroom at school. He didn’t hurt me, but I was so embarrassed. I wonder how many moms are hit by their 6-year-olds. A 2-year-old, maybe, but not a 6-year-old.
The only way to explain how I’ve been feeling is livid. But I’ve been acting a bit extreme, even for me. I don’t know why. My son seems to respond just fine most of the time when my husband steps in. My husband gets him to listen. I’m often too angry to act playfully with my son to get him to do what he has been told. My son tells me he doesn’t like to be told what to do. Everything is a battle. Getting dressed, meal times, and especially homework. My husband has taken over the bedtime routine lately because, by dinnertime, I’m practically the Hulk.
Ironically, that’s exactly what my son threatens to turn into when he gets angry. I let him watch an avenger movie and suddenly he thinks he is the Hulk. He has been obsessed with the avengers for months, and the Hulk is his favorite. He has also been taking karate classes and although they are making him stronger and more confident, he has become more aggressive towards me.
I was this close to giving up this morning when my husband suggested I drink some coffee and try to calm down. I’m not being able to be assertive towards my son, so I tend to be passive-aggressive with him and it doesn’t work. The bribing train has left the station a long time ago. Promising treats and extra screentime stopped working about a year ago.
Here’s the thing. You know when you have a job and you feel like you’re not qualified. You don’t get paid and there are few benefits and the job makes you feel miserable and stressed. Only there is no option to quit. There is no chance of a promotion, ever. You can never retire, so what do you do? That’s parenting for you.
There are moments I enjoy, like watching him walk on the sidewalk on his own, or when his teacher tells me he is doing well at school, or when he told me an hour ago that he is starting to like school because he is making friends. Little things like when he doesn’t give me a hard time with meals or when he goes to bed on time also ease the stress a bit. When he asks me questions as if I’m the wise wizard or something. But I feel the bond breaking and I don’t know how to stop it. I feel myself acting like my parents, expecting him to walk a straight arrow, and so I fold into myself.
Who said parenting was fun? My marriage is doing better, thankfully, and my husband and I are on a united front in dealing with my 6-year-old who is acting like a teenager. He can be so stubborn. Now if only I could harness that into leadership material. But I’m not even leadership material. I’m a follower. I don’t want to be, and I struggle to stand up for myself and be my own person, but look where that’s gotten me…
Anyway, I’ve been working on getting my son to do his homework for the past 2 hours. He just announced that he has finished and I just checked to make sure. I’m so relieved. But what happens when he has an exam? What happens when he moves up to higher grades? This is so nerve-wracking! I mean he is smart and finishes his homework quickly, when he wants to, but he never wants to. He doesn’t like doing homework and he especially detests writing.