What happens when a writer has nothing to say? When their purpose, to motivate and inspire, suddenly seems delusional? Do they write about it? Or do they remain silent and just listen, or read?
The situation in Lebanon keeps getting worse. My attempts to start a business are going nowhere. I’ve spent 50$ on printful so far and haven’t made a single sale. My marriage seems okay on the surface, but im deeply unsatisfied. I’m having daily power struggles with my son as well.
My heart feels heavy and I don’t feel very wise and able to give advice. What would I advise anyway? Don’t jump into marriage before taking a course about what marriage is like? Don’t fall in love because it clouds your judgment? Here’s the thing. I know im as flawed as my husband is, and I know he loves me, and I think I still love him. But everything is suddenly bland, and im not sure if my life situation is causing my depression or if my depression is making my life look bleak. My husband is trying to make me feel better by doing everything except what he knows I want from him.
I’m not even enjoying food and movies much anymore. My son is a saint. Despite my lashing out at him several times a day, he forgives me when I apologize, and I always apologize.
I bought new boots 2 days ago! My old boots were ripped wide open during my Quran class, and my husband bought me new ones the same day. I’m grateful for that.
I’m not even getting inspired to write poetry, because I feel so numb to everything and everyone around me. I feel so negative, im not surprised nobody wants to hang out with me. The weather is cold and windy and rainy.
When you have nothing to say, praise the Lord
A fellow blogger reminded me to say Alhamdulillah (praise the Lord) and it made me feel better. Sometimes saying you’re grateful for food, shelter, and family isn’t enough. Sometimes you need to remember who you are grateful for giving you these things. Saying Alhamdulillah is therapeutic. It reminds you that you have a God who is always there for you, even when you feel alone. A God who will never do anything that is not for your benefit because he loves you.
When you are having a good day, you say Alhamdulillah to thank Him for your happiness. When you are having a bad day, you say Alhamdulillah so he can give you the patience and grace to get through it. Nobody has a perfect life, and we often look at the things we lack and compare ourselves to others with more money, more freedom, better looks, etc.
I saw an ad today about the people in Madagascar who are suffering from drought and dying of starvation. Yesterday I saw a clip of people getting randomly arrested in Palestine, and I felt so silly for feeling the way I do.
I live a very privileged life. Not as privileged as other people but more privileged than many. So with nothing else to say, I say Alhamdulillah and I let it wash over me as I hear the rain outside pouring down. Allah is with me, and he will do what is best for me, so I pray for wisdom and patience and grace and happiness.
Money is important but it’s not everything. Plus, I was productive today, despite my sulking, so that’s a win!
How are you doing today? Let me know in the comments. I want to read about your day. Did you get everything on your to-do list done? Did you drink enough water? How are your energy levels? How is your mood? I’m here for you.