Happy Mother’s Day: Do I deserve to be celebrated?

Today is Mother’s Day in the Arab World. To know why there are 2 mothers day dates in the world, read here.

Yesterday, at my in-laws, there was a celebration. My mother-in-law likes being celebrated on mother’s day. So my brother in laws wife bought a cake for the occasion. It wasn’t much of a party. Just a cake and a “happy mothers day” wish to my mother-in-law. In an attempt at positivity, I will try to tone down all the negative things that happened yesterday and today, because there were a lot!

I visited my grandparents yesterday as well, before going to my in-laws. There were tantrums in the morning and evening from my son, and I was a raging hulk. I’m so ashamed of letting my emotions control. I sat in the bathroom and cried after my son went to bed. I don’t want to go into details because im ashamed of my lack of self-regulation. I won’t start self-loathing now, though. There’s no time for that. My son has exams today and I need to pick him up in a bit, so I must type quickly.

After one of my blowups over my son not getting his pajamas on right away, my son came over to me with a smile on his face, kissed my cheek, and said “Happy Mother’s Day”. He showed me what he was working on when I was yelling at him to get his pajamas on and he kept saying ” This is more important” and I kept saying “No it’s not”. He had bought me chocolate, candy, and cookies and was making a paper bag to put them in. He cut papers and stapled them together. He also made me a mothers day card at school a few days before on which he wrote ” I love you to pieces” and cut up pieces of cardboard into a heart. He even added 2 extra hearts on the bottom. He also made me a bookmark for Ramadan and colored it purple. He even made me a crown for Ramadan as well and colored it purple. I hugged him and cried, partly from joy and partly because I felt I didn’t deserve it after yelling at him like that.

The thing is, I knew he was planning something for mothers day since 5 days ago. He kept hinting at it and he was so excited. He would whisper to his dad and they planned to get junk food for me. He even asked me 2 days ago which types of junk food did I like most: chocolate, candy, or cookies? And when I answered all 3, he got me all of them. I feel awful that despite knowing he had something planned, and despite knowing he was excited about it, it made me even more reactive to him not obeying me.

I think I have a problem. I’m off to get my son from school but I will come back and finish this post today. I can’t delay it because today is mothers day and I can’t post this any other day.

I’m back. Gladly, my son was in a good mood, this mornings fiasco long forgotten. He said he did well on his tests. He practically skipped home. Everytime I think I may have traumatized him, or that im a bad mom, my son shows me empathy or compassion or does something very well behaved.

Here’s the thing. He is a very smart kid. Very keen. Very strong willed. He will be a great leader one day, once he gets over his shyness. But this strongheadedness is really frustrating for me.

Here’s a fun fact. If it seems like this post is incoherent, it’s because im writing snippets throughout the day. I started writing it last night, then I had to stop because of my son’s bedtime routine, after which I was too tired to think. This morning I was feeling so sick, I don’t know how I found the strength to get my son up and ready for school. It was an uphill battle for sure. I have a sore throat, a wet cough and a stuffy nose. I just want to sleep, but I can’t.

Right now im supposedly studying with my son for the exam, but he started playing pretend with his action figures instead of going to the test I wrote for him (I take his studying very seriously, even though he is in 1st grade, but because I want him to learn discipline and the importance of doing something even if you don’t feel like it because it’s your responsibility), so I retreated to another room to type a few more words because writing helps me calm down and not yell or threaten. I’m going back in there in a minute to remind him he doesn’t get Disney Junior until he finishes studying (he hates writing, and we are studying for a writing test, so this is why he is giving me a hard time. I know it’s not to spite me, though sometimes I do take his testing boundaries personally, right now I know it’s because he simply doesn’t feel like studying).

Anyway, im going to try the “you have 2 choices” method. I hope it works. I read about it a week ago, and I tried it. It magically worked for 2 days, and then the effect wore off so I stopped.

Okay so I called him over and said nicely: Do you know what you’re supposed to be doing? And he said: Oh! I forgot. I forgot. And ran to finish the test. Yay 👏 that’s a win in my books. No yelling done in the past 30 minutes.

I guess the whole point of this post is 3 points, actually:

1. Motherhood is exhausting. It’s a lot of hard work and you need to control your emotions. Otherwise, they will consume you.

2. Motherhood is a thankless job. Nobody tells you thanks for putting up with kids who throw tantrums all day, push your buttons, test your boundaries, break your rules, and then when they bring you to the brink of insanity, they pull you back with a hug, a kiss, a gift, a few kind words. My son makes me bookmarks and I love you cards every once in a while. I really appreciate it.

3. Don’t hate yourself for not being perfect, especially if you were raised in an authoritarian household and you’re trying to break the cycle. You’re doing the best you can with what you have. Remember that. I was hiding in the bathroom crying last night, venting to a close friend about how my day went, and it helped me feel better. I often doubt myself as a mother, feeling like im not good enough, that im not fit to be a mom, that he is better off without me. Talking to my friend reminded me that im, not a bad mom, and during the chaos of yesterday, there were good things that happened. I shouldn’t measure my son’s love for me by how much he takes me seriously, or how much he obeys me. A mother’s love is unconditional, and I guess that’s the hard part for me. I never learned unconditional love. I learned to base my worth on my productivity and I was given love based on how obedient I was.

Last but not least, read about parenting. Listen to podcasts. Educate yourself. Reparent yourself if you must. And most importantly, surround yourself with people who lift you up, who believe in you, and help you believe in yourself. Avoid people who criticize you and put you down just to make themselves feel better. Be kind to yourself and others. You deserve kindness, happiness, and love. Don’t underestimate the greatness of motherhood. What you’re doing is a huge responsibility, but it’s also a big blessing.

Happy mothers day to all the moms out there, whether you work or stay at home, whether you have one kid or more, whether your children are young or grown-ups. Mothers have a big reward in Islam. They are valued greatly. Their prayers are answered. Their sacrifices are not forgotten.

And to all the mothers who have lost a child (I know a few) my heart goes out to you. You are brave. You are strong. You kept going on. I can’t imagine your pain.

Finally, to all those who wish to be mothers, I hope you get your wish. Motherhood, despite its woes, is amazing. I may regret a lot of things in my life, but one thing I don’t regret is having my son. I may complain a lot about him, but he is such an amazing kid. Anyone who meets him attests to that. It’s just that my patience is thin and im triggered by little things. I’m working on it.

I feel like I could go on and on about this forever because motherhood is a never-ending topic, but I’ll leave it here. I’ll have you know my son finished the makeshift test I wrote for him and now we are going to eat lunch (im starving) and then he gets his Disney Junior and I get to start on my long to-do list. I honestly don’t feel like doing anything today but I don’t want to laze around in bed. I already took a nap in the morning and if im not productive, I fear I will sink into depression. (I’m aware this is an automatic negative thought. I’m self-aware enough to realize my negative patterns but not enough to actively change them, like my sugar addiction but that’s a post for another time).

19 responses to “Happy Mother’s Day: Do I deserve to be celebrated?”

  1. Happy Mother’s Day to you too Sajjida. Take your own advice and be kind and appreciative of your efforts too. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Happy Mother’s Day! 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks my dear friend

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re welcome! Thank you for reading 😁

      Like

  3. Happy mothers day to you!! 💖🌻🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much 💘 Happy Mothers Day to you too! I’ll be sure to tell you again when it’s mothers day in the US!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are soooo welcome and thanks in advance for sure ! 💖🌻

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi. Sorry this was in spam for some reason. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. WordPress’s spam filter is a weird creature.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Happy Mothers Day, it’s so lovely your son gave you those thoughtful gifts, hope you’re doing well! 💗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you ❤️ im sick (sore throat, cough, congestion) but otherwise im good. How are you doing today?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s okay, hope you’re better soon! I’m doing alright thanks! 😆

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes, you deserve to be Celebrated. Happy Mother’s Day and wishing you lots of love, joy, blissful peace & great health.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I appreciate it 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Happy mother’s day to you dear💟💟

    Liked by 1 person

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