Hello and welcome to my blog! Today is the 20th day of Ramadan and that concludes the days of forgiveness. There is a hadith (narration of the prophet Mohammad PBUH) that states that the 1st third of Ramadan is Mercy, the 2nd third is Forgiveness, and the last third is being saved from the hellfire. So during these 10 days, we should focus on forgiveness.
This means that we forgive ourselves for past mistakes and what we didn’t know, forgive others their transgressions if possible, and seek forgiveness from God for our sins. This morning I was discussing with a close friend about being forgiving, and then another close friend sent me an article she read about forgiveness. After this, I decided to write a throwback Thursday blog and it just happened to be that 2 years ago exactly from today, I posted a blog post about forgiveness. Serendipity or fate? You decide.
This is what I wrote 2 years ago about forgiveness:
So my mind is boggling with things to talk about because I have had a lot of feelings these past few days. I was supposed to write a post about how to get to know your spouse or partner better during quarantine but I don’t feel very much in the giving tips and advice state of mind because I kind of feel like I’m a mess right now.
I guess the reality of this quarantine and how long it’s taking and how a lot of people close to me are not quarantining themselves and this is making us people who are quarantining as if it was for nothing. Cars here are crowded in the street, people are taking walks and walking their dogs. It’s like business is normal except all businesses are closed and everything is chaotic, especially with the political and economic crisis in Lebanon.
So 2 things that have been on my mind today have been patience and forgiveness and I was thinking about which one I wanted to talk about today and I chose to talk about forgiveness first.
I’ll talk about patience in my next post because that’s going to be my focus for the month of Ramadan which is in 2 or 3 days, so basically during May.
During the remainder of April, my focus is going to be on forgiveness because I noticed that I thought that I was a forgiving person but sometimes I feel like I can hold a grudge and I noticed something about myself:
It’s really hard for me to forgive someone who did not apologize and I know it sounds silly but sometimes it is really hard for me to forgive my son when he acts like a teenager. He is 5 years old and sometimes he acts like a 15-year-old and sometimes he says some hurtful words to me and I know that he is just saying that because he’s trying to gain control or because he feels frustrated.
Today we were talking about empathy (scholastic day 20 theme) and we talked about understanding how people feel and making them feel better when they’re sad and when you’re angry and how sometimes you’ll yell. He knows all these things but I felt like it was a good reminder for both him and me.
Now about forgiveness, last night I got into this really big fight with my son (he’s 5 I know it sounds silly ok) but I felt so hurt and I just cried for half an hour and I wanted him to know that he hurt my feelings and that he made me cry and I know it sounds so silly and there’s this myth that mothers are supposed to be all-forgiving and give unconditional love all the time but sometimes I find that I’m not like that. Sometimes I find myself saying “no, you hurt my feelings and I need you to apologize so that I can forgive you” so I guess my focus for the rest of the month is to be able to forgive without waiting for an apology.
I read this blog post the other day about how forgiveness is a gift for you more than it is for the person you are forgiving and it’s so true because when you don’t forgive, you harbor resentment, you feel frustrated and angry, and you start thinking “how can this person be going on with their life as if nothing is wrong and I’m over here simmering in my resentment and losing sleep in my sadness and crying and feeling hurt and betrayed and they’re just acting as if nothing happened?!”
So for the rest of the month, my focus is going to be on being more forgiving towards myself for making mistakes and towards my husband and son, because they are the main people I’m dealing with.
What is your focus this week?
Where do you feel you’re lacking?
Where can you work on yourself more to grow as a person?
Isn’t it strange that 2 years later and my focus during Ramadan is still on patience? I guess I still haven’t reached the state of being a patient person. I’ve spoken on the blog before about the types of patience and how the type I lack is patience with people, but im still married so I guess I am being patient? I don’t know. One thing that has changed is that I don’t take my sons behavior personally as much. His empathy has developed and he is kind sometimes, but he does have some selfishness. I guess it’s normal.
As for forgiveness, I believe I have reached the stage of becoming a forgiving person. However, forgiving someone doesn’t mean I can act like nothing happened, especially when they don’t think they did anything wrong. I’m still working on setting healthy boundaries with the people I deal with and I’ve come a long way from where I was 2 years ago, but it’s a lifelong journey and learning what to tolerate and what to forgive. I do simmer with anger and resentment still over my husband but im trying to reach the point of “what happened, happened. Nobody’s perfect. Move on. Let it go, but don’t let something like this happen again”. It’s a process.