Get the most out of Ramadan: 3rd week assessment

My throat is dry because im thirsty. I’m thirsty because im fasting? My heart is very heavy. Why? I’m sinking into depression. I can feel it, like im drowning in quicksand and everything I try to grasp is slipping out of my hands. I may as well give in to the feeling. Grammarly says I sound joyful and optimistic, even though I literally said im sinking into depression.

Do you notice there was no hello at the beginning of this post? Oh well, sorry about that. Hello and welcome to my blog! As much as I hate myself right now, I appreciate you reading my blog. It means so much to me that you care what I have to say. My husband doesn’t care what I have to say. But I won’t elaborate on that. I said I won’t berate him on the blog so I won’t. My son is doing fine. Not meeting my expectations, but fine. I need to stop being a perfectionist anyway. Grammarly says I sound gloomy and confident. How does that combination work?

There’s a pile of laundry that I just took down from the washing line, waiting to be folded. Don’t worry, I won’t neglect it. Even if my depression wants to, my anxiety won’t let me. Here’s the thing though. After spending 3 hours trying and failing to nap, I got up and got productive. I read Quran. I did a yoga session. I prayed. I mopped half the house (I was too tired to do the whole thing). I unhung the laundry. Why do I still feel like this? Grammarly says I sound inspirational and informative in this paragraph. Yay 👏

Is there any other reason why I may be feeling depressed? Yes. There is. I feel very lonely because my friends aren’t texting me and my family isn’t calling me and im too depressed to make the 1st move because I can’t handle rejection, and yesterday I was reminded of an old wound. Another friend rejected me because her 7-year-old son completely ignored me yesterday and I desperately tried to get his attention stupidly and it opened up my wounds again. I feel like I don’t have friends even though I know I have friends but they’re too busy. Also, yesterday was a bit too much for my social anxiety. I don’t want to talk about it. Grammarly says I sound worried, confident, and gloomy. At least they got gloomy right.

Yesterday we hosted an iftar for the kids whom I teach Quran. It was nice. A bit overwhelming and left me physically spent but it was nice. So tired I was that I didn’t realize it was the 21st night of Ramadan. The 1st night of the last 10 blessed nights, in which we are supposed to increase our worship on the odd nights in the hopes of being saved from hellfire. Grammarly says I sound friendly and formal. I think there is some glitch here.

Last night I went to bed early and woke up late. I barely made suhour and ate, but I didn’t have time to drink water, hence the thirst. It’s the 21st day of Ramadan and im sitting all dressed waiting for my husband to pick me up so we can have iftar at my in-laws. My husband and son went to Friday prayer and my son was supposed to come back right away. An hour later when I called to ask where they were, my son answered the phone (meaning my husband was too busy to talk to me) and I found out my son went to work with my husband after the prayer. When I asked my son why they didn’t tell me, he was dumbfounded and gave the phone to his dad who made it sound like it was no big deal that he forgot to call me and inform me, then ended the call abruptly before I had the chance to say anything else. Grammarly thinks this paragraph is assertive, friendly, and formal. Okay, Grammarly…whatever.

So with the house to myself, you’d think I would have made more use of my me time, but no! I tried to nap and 3 hours later, discovered I have sleep anxiety (oh yeah, I finally watched some videos on coursera mindlessly today) and began to wallow in depression. Grammarly, how does this sound optimistic?! Seriously 😆

I’m going to call my husband again, then fold the laundry before he arrives. This post will go out an hour after I wrote it because im sticking to the schedule at 7 pm thing. I found it useful, as it allows me to keep coming back and editing the post before anyone sees it. As for the past week, it’s been filled with drama and I haven’t been feeling very spiritual. Grammarly says I sound direct, optimistic, and informal. Okay, Grammarly. Whatever you say.

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16 responses to “Get the most out of Ramadan: 3rd week assessment”

  1. Sending you prayers Sajjida. I hope you feel more like what Grammarly thinks you do. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. It’s the 23rd night of Ramadan and im spending it at my moms with my sister and niece there too, hoping to get rid of the restlessness.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks. I feel much better already. It’s not a magic solution but I will get there. Thank you for your encouragement and support.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It’s always my pleasure.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It happens now and then. I believe your mood is much better now. Take care.

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  3. Sending you love and prayers, Ramadan has gone so quick, hopefully Allah SWT can answer all your duas! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So, sorry you are going through a heavy depression. I can so relate. I felt it just few days after my Birthday when I’m suppose to be Optimistic and happy. I even told my Wife about it. I asked for two nights away from the city and everything and just do exactly what I enjoy and calms my heart: it worked. Of course, the battle with sadness didn’t end there, it’s a battle for life. I hope that you will feel better soon and find what makes your heart happy and motivated. It helps to have a supportive circle. Even blogging helps when we can’t just express how we are in the actual world.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m feeling better now. Thank you for your sentiments. Healing is not linear. It goes up and down. I’m not 100% again but I managed to not sink into depression. I fought it. I reached out to my friends and they were very supportive.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Support is very important. Have a great weekend.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I think you may have the prank edition of Grammarly lol Seriously though, I do hope you’re having a better week, in terms of your mental health ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. Usually Grammarly is spot on. I guess it was feeling a bit loopy lol. I’m feeling better today. My mood keeps fluctuating but im no longer sinking, thankfully.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I chuckled at the Grammarly comments. I don’t really pay much attention to the tone comments because the few times I noticed their analysis it was just… ‘off.’

    Liked by 1 person

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