Hello and welcome to my blog! My wifi was out for the past 48 hours and I was going crazy! Enough to go to McDonald’s today and get my son an overpriced ice cream cone just so I could get 10 minutes of super slow wifi. My brain was so overcharged on the internet I had no idea which app I wanted to open 1st. Surprisingly, I went for Instagram last and I didn’t go near YouTube and TikTok! WordPress was the 2nd app I opened after my email.
I think I may be addicted to the internet. Not to my phone per se because during these 48 hours, I could have read from the many ebooks I previously downloaded or played on the many games I have that don’t need internet, but I did neither. I listened to podcasts I previously downloaded while I did housework today, but I think what I missed was the connection.
I thought about calling my mom, my sister, my brother, my grandma, and my dad. I thought about texting friends and reaching out, but I reached out to no one. I called my sister yesterday and texted my other 2 sisters today but that’s about it. I think I’m addicted to broadcasting things about myself online and seeing who will respond, and who will reach out. It’s my indirect way of reaching out without facing rejection. The views mean someone is curious about me. The likes mean someone cares. A comment or a dm means connection.
When I call someone and they don’t answer, or at least don’t call back later, I feel rejected. When I text someone or send them a voice message and they don’t reply, which has been happening to me a lot recently, I feel unloved and neglected. At least with my internet friends, I post content and they interact, and if they don’t, it doesn’t hurt because I don’t even know them.
I spent barely 1 hour and 30 minutes on my phone today (as opposed to my usual 7 hours) until the wifi came back 2 hours ago. I’ve been on my phone almost non-stop since the wifi got back. My arm hurts from holding my phone for too long. My son has been throwing a tantrum for the past hour and I have left the phone several times to try to calm him down, but then I pick up the phone again. Right now I’m lying down hoping he will join me (he finally laid down next to me).
I like to talk about my day but nobody in my life cares. Yesterday I received great news regarding my son’s grades, and when I wanted to share it with someone, I found I had nobody to share it with. My son’s cousins don’t get high grades as my son does so I didn’t want to make their moms feel bad by sharing the news with them, and I’m wary of the evil eye so I didn’t want to tell people I knew, so I decided I would just broadcast it here where nobody would care enough to get jealous.
So the news is: my son’s grades were straight As so he is exempt from the final exams. So he doesn’t have any more school.
I took him to school today anyway and the teacher practically scolded me for bringing him. I won’t bring him anymore, though. He is excited about summer break but doesn’t want to enroll in a summer camp. I can’t have him hanging around the house all day. He would get bored and bug me all day. It’s not like my husband will take us anywhere. And I don’t have mom friends so playdates are not in the cards this summer, or any summer really.
Anyway, I played uno with my son yesterday, but for some reason, my son refused my attempts to play monopoly with him today. Instead, I took him to McDonald’s for ice cream and then he asked me to watch him play and I did. I even took some slo-mo videos.
I did a lot of housework today, as well. I pushed myself. Also, I didn’t nap, because napping is causing me trouble sleeping at night. Right now it’s 11 pm and my son is still up. I got to go try to get him to fall asleep. He is still in a mood. He refuses to brush his teeth and get ready for bed. Update: he went to bed without brushing his teeth. His 2-hour tantrum was because my husband said something about him to my sister-in-law (my son is very secretive for some reason and doesn’t like anyone to say anything about him. He would throw a tantrum if he knew I sometimes talk about him on the blog). I’m going to try to sleep since I’m exhausted and I want to get back to sleeping before midnight (I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately). The internet will still be here tomorrow (I hope). My son just fell asleep at 11:30 pm.