It’s been 3 days since my last post. I’ve been in a negative headspace. Yesterday was nice, though. My mom and sisters got back from Turkey and brought me unexpected gifts.
But I wake up every day and read novels on my phone for hours, and then I close the binds so I can sleep. I don’t feel productive. I’m using the self-care app and doing the tasks. They’re giving me temporary thrills. My life is too much of a routine and I need some excitement, some adventure.
I crave inner peace. I’m not in the mood to read blogs lately. Too overwhelming for me. I just want to crawl in a hole and cry. Looks like the depression is back. I’m tired all the time. I need to do that quiz again soon, the one that determines what kind of tired I am. I’m still eating too much chocolate. I don’t feel cherished or appreciated. I feel lonely. I feel like a failure.
I didn’t want to write a post today because I didn’t want my negative energy to seep into my words. I’m trying so hard to be positive. I want to love myself and feel worthy, achievements aside, but I’m not being able to. Today is Sunday so it’s in-law day. Week after week I’m dreading these visits. Despite their kindness to my son, I find myself dreading their company. It’s nothing personal. I usually avoid people I can’t be myself around, which is almost everyone. Even my family, while they are telling me of their escapades at the airport and I listened and interacted with them, I waited for the question I long to hear from them “how are you?” But it never came. So long as they said what they had to say, conversation over. My dad is the opposite. He wants to know everything but won’t tell me anything. That bothers me equally, if not more. It makes me not want to talk.