What I want to achieve by 40

I don’t have a 10 year plan. Not even a 1 year plan. I make monthly goals and weekly plans and daily to do lists.

However, last night I listened to a podcast by Joey Kidney and it inspired me to think about where I want to be in 10 years.

https://castbox.fm/vb/369821723

My goal is not to be a millionaire or to own a fancy car or a mansion. I want enough money to be able to buy gifts for my friends and give charity regularly. I mean my own independent money, not my husband’s.

I currently have 10 books on Amazon. I want 20 books on Amazon and I want one of them to be a best seller.

Part of me wants freedom and independence and to travel more, but I know it’s not realistic, and part of me wants another child so my son has someone to play with (he keeps requesting a baby boy) but I don’t know what God has in store for me.

I turn 30 in a month and looking back 10 years ago, my life was completely different. I was in 4th year of university, studying for a degree I hated, and I failed a subject because I was sick when I took the test. I was also bad at Pharmacology. I had no idea that 10 years later, I would be married, with a 6-year-old son, a blog, a podcast, and 10 books on Amazon!

At the time, my 10-year plan was to finish my Ph.D. in pharmacy and teach at a university. After graduating, I worked in a pharmacy for 2 months and hated it, then worked as a tutor for 3 months before getting married and continuing my master’s degree. I wasn’t able to continue my Ph.D. because it involved travel and as a married woman with a baby to a traditional Lebanese man, travel was out of the question. I put my whole life on hold for 4 years (I don’t regret it for a minute) before I published my 1st book. My friends and brother encouraged me to go for it.

That’s why I don’t make 10-year plans because my life went in a completely different direction than I had planned. So will one of my books become a bestseller? I don’t know.

We are in the middle of a pandemic, the economy is falling in many parts of the world, and Lebanon is in shambles. The future does not seem bright. I’m trying to get freelance jobs, but it’s so hard to find jobs online with no electricity. The farthest I’m looking is going to Turkey to blow off some steam and spend my savings because why not.

Life is pretty hectic here and I’m doing everything I can to ground myself and live, love and laugh. I’m reading, writing, listening to music and podcasts, reading Quran, playing with my son, practicing mindfulness and gratitude, etc.

What do you want to achieve in 10 years?

Where you can find my podcasts

Hello and welcome to my blog! If you are new here, I’m a blogger and an author. I write about all things from self-improvement to poems and parenting stories. For those who don’t have time to read my blogs, I’ve transformed my blogs into podcasts, and you can find my podcasts in several places, including:


Google Podcasts

https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy80ZjQyMDYxOC9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==

Spotify

Breaker

https://www.breaker.audio/my-rollercoaster-journey

Radio Public

Happy listening!

A Thank You Note

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy. They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

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Hello and welcome to my blog! Today I just want to thank you. I’m truly grateful for everything and everyone. I struggle to stay up to date with the blogs I follow. I always seem to be 4 to 7 days behind. I try, so I get how hard it can be to stay up to date with my blogs, especially since I basically blog daily, sometimes more than once a day.

I know you all have busy lives, families, jobs, other hobbies besides reading blogs, so I know what dedication it takes to give me from your time and energy and read, like and/or comment on my blog posts.

I don’t even know how to begin to express my gratitude to those who listen to my podcast. I know I’m supposed to incorporate each episode into my blogs but I’m too lazy, so if you want to listen to a bot reading my blogs, head over to My Rollercoaster Journey Podcast on Spotify and enjoy. I must warn you, though, that if you find it creepy when she says “hello waving hand” it’s because when I 1st imported my blogs to convert them into podcasts, I didn’t realize that the bot would read emoticons too. I now avoid using emoticons in my posts.

I would also like to thank everyone who has bought any of my books in ebook form or paperback. I really appreciate it. It’s not about the money but I feed on feedback and a book isn’t finished until it’s read. All those who bought my book, please send me pictures or videos of the book or you with the book if you want and let me know what you think.

Finally, I would like to thank those who believed in me. I never imagined myself as a writer. I just wrote poems to let out my emotions. My friends would tell me “you should sell your poems” and I would brush it off. Then when I wrote my 1st book, I was encouraged to publish it and I laughed. When I finally found the courage 7 years later, the pandemic broke out, but the silver lining is that I now have 9 books out there, 6 of which are available in both ebook and paperback. It’s so surreal. I don’t expect to become rich or famous or to live off of my book royalties, but it’s good to feel like I’m leaving my mark. It’s terrifying at the same time, being noticed, but that’s just my social anxiety and imposter syndrome talking.

Thank you to everyone who brings me joy, makes me laugh, enjoys my company and I enjoy theirs. You are my muse. Thank you to everyone who brings me pain, makes me cry. You inspire me to better myself, to write, to vent, to give advice, to seek advice. You are my motivation. Thank you to everyone who has served as a role model, from relatives to friends to teachers to celebrities to historical figures. You have made me aspire to inspire and therefore you are my inspiration.

Thank you to my fellow bloggers who I read your blogs and enjoy and learn so much about life and how to write better and be better. Thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone. I read your blogs and I feel like there is a part of me in each of you. We all have things in common despite having completely different lives. Feelings are universal, regardless of gender, religion, race, and age. You make me feel like I’m part of a community, like I belong somewhere, so thank you!

I hope I continue to motivate and inspire you like you motivate and inspire me.

So keep on writing. Keep on reading my blogs and letting me know what you think and how to improve and any topic suggestions you would like me to encounter.

We’re all in this together…

Storytime: I was very mindful today

Hello 👋 reader and welcome to my blog!


How you doing today?


I’m so excited to share my thoughts and I’m afraid that I might forget them because I got them while cleaning the bathrooms (I listen to podcasts while I clean the bathrooms because I don’t like cleaning the bathrooms but I like the feeling that I get after I clean the bathrooms- so clean and shiny) so I stopped to write this.


I was listening to a podcast and they were giving relationship advice about mindfulness and about a how you need to sit with your spouse 5 minutes a day and just be mindful together and connect with each other, so it got me thinking that today I was very mindful (I’ll talk about that in a minute) but I was also reflecting upon my relationship with my husband.
There are things I can’t write here but basically what I can tell you is that I am very emotional and a hot head but at the same time I work really hard to connect with my husband emotionally and listening to the podcast got me thinking “oh wow! I really do some of these things. I actually I go to my husband and tell him I want to connect. I feel like we connect when we sit together in the evenings and I feel like when I don’t sit with you at the end of the day we disconnect” because sometimes I go to sleep early so I don’t sit with my husband in the evening and sometimes he’s in a bad mood and he needs to sit alone to distress and so I don’t sit with him. So on those days we don’t connect but the days I sit with him even if we just sit and talk to each other for 5 minutes or just sit and hold hands, it makes a really big difference.


Anyway, back to how I was mindful today. I understood that my son really needed my attention today and I’ve been seeing these posts on Instagram by a parent therapist I follow and she talked recently about how we need to give children attention when they seek it, otherwise their need for attention will become greater and more negative so ever since I saw these posts, I’ve been trying to give my son attention when I feel like he needs it and surprisingly when I do give him the attention he needs, even if it’s for like 5 or 10 minutes (it’s usually for about 20 minutes) he eventually goes off and plays independently for at least an hour, but when I don’t give him attention he becomes very clingy and he starts acting out like he’s jealous from me being on the phone for example.
Yesterday, I wasn’t very mindful. That’s an understatement. I was very emotional and edgy and my son acted out because of that.


However, today I’ve been up since dawn and I noticed that when I’m up since dawn I’m in a better mood generally because I’ve had my me time in the morning before my son wakes up. I exercised. I watched Gilmore Girls. I had my coffee peacefully. So when my son woke up at 8:30 in the morning, I embraced him waking up and I hugged him tightly and I gave him all my love and attention and I made him feel like I was so happy that he woke up because I was, even though I was in the middle of watching Gilmore Girls, I just paused it and I gave him all my attention. Then I made him crepes for breakfast (they’re actually pancakes but I call them crepes so he’ll eat them) and we ate together and everytime I noticed that I was trying to read blogs while I was eating because I generally tend to do that, I would put my phone away and tell him I’m putting my phone away because I want to spend time with you. Then he had his screen time while I had my screen time at the same time. We both had an hour each which is a lot. Usually I don’t give him more than half an hour at a time but because I was really into the show I was watching…


Later on, he played by himself a little bit but then he started asking for attention again and then I remembered that for the past 3 days he’s been asking me for hot chocolate and so I told him let’s make hot chocolate! So I made hot chocolate for him and for me. It was so nice. I don’t really get to do these things with many people and I’m not one of those moms who consider her son her best friend but it felt really good to connect with my son like that and he even let me video him. Since he was 4 until he turned six, he wouldn’t let me video him or take pictures, but now he does. He even said “if you want you can send it to whoever you want, but just ask me first”.


I feel like he’s matured a lot and I feel like he’s learned a lot of things that I taught him. I can’t take full credit for how he is because I feel like he’s an amazing kid and when I nurture the amazing side of him it thrives but when I focus on the negative side of him, it increases.


Anyway,after the hot chocolate, I read him a story, and then he had homework and he did it without a fuss! He usually fights me when I ask him to do his homework. Also, he was great on his online classes and he didn’t even give me any trouble!
I feel like I’m reluctant to tell people when my son is being an angel because a lot of people around me are constantly telling me how their kids are driving them crazy especially with what’s going on this year, kids being at home and everything, but I feel like maybe people are like me and they do have good moments but are reluctant to share them just like me.


However, I’m afraid that if I share when I’m having a good day, I’d rub it in the faces of those having a bad day. Anyway, so I decided to share it here and maybe tell my dad. I feel like my dad is the only person I don’t have to worry about when sharing good news.


Also one other thing that happened today is that my son went to my in laws (hence the writing on the blog in broad daylight) and before he went, I made sure to change all his clothes and cut his nails and brushed his hair. I feel so proud of myself that I made sure he looked presentable because I don’t always go to that effort.
I didn’t even have the attitude like “ok go I need my me time”. I basically stayed home so that I could clean the bathrooms and yeah I won’t turn down some extra me time. Before he left, I looked at him and he looked so cute and so sweet and I asked if I could take his picture and he said yes and I said “I’m really going to miss you when you go” and then he said “do you want to give me something?” (I feel like sometimes he may be materialistic but I think it’s because gift receiving is his love language). I said “no I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to miss you” so he said “why don’t you make me a surprise when I come back” and I said “you know what I’ll think about it” so I’m thinking of baking him cookies. I know he loves cookies. But 1st I’m going to clean the 3rd bathroom then eat. I didn’t have lunch yet and it’s 5:30 p.m. and I think I’m probably going to end up not telling my dad what happened or maybe tomorrow I’ll tell him. I just wanted to write this here because I feel like I share more of the negatives than the positives mainly because when I vent about the negatives, I feel better and usually when I’m feeling positive I’m usually mindful about it and I don’t really share with people when I’m busy living in the moment. Sometimes I do but you know when you are having so much fun that you forget to take pictures, it’s that kind of mindfulness.


So there you have it. I was very mindful today and I’m proud of myself and I’m really happy at the moment even though there’s a lot of negative events occurring around me and it’s making me kind of feel guilty to be happy or to express my happiness but I feel like I just needed to let it out so I felt like the blog was the safest place for me to express myself because ironically, most of the people I know personally do not read my blogs.


Were you mindful today?


If not, did this post help by reminding you to be mindful?

Did you know I have a podcast?

I just updated my podcast (I changed the name, email, and profile photo). I made one in March 2019 and recorded 8 times. I then felt wierd about nobody listening to them and then freaked out in case anyone ever listened to them.

Anyway, I’m about to record another session because I’m too tired to write. In the meantime, enjoy the session I recorded back in April 2019. I’m going to relisten to it now and if I don’t like it, I’m going to delete it and delete this entire post and then I may or not record the new session which is about being open and vulnerable. I’m so indecisive and feeling insecure right now, and I’m not sure this is going to work. Anyway, here you go:

https://castbox.fm/vb/143147589

Another reason why I decided to start recording on my podcast again is because I listen to podcasts a lot, and sometimes I just don’t have time to read, so I listen while I do housework. Maybe you’re like me and you would prefer to listen sometimes.

Update: they told me the link to the session that I left here was invalid, although I listened to it on castbox and I liked it. The link works now so check it out. I recorded a 3 minute session basically saying how tired I was to record the session I had in mind, and I spent 34 minutes trying to upload it but the internet is really bad, so goodnight. Tomorrow I will try to fix this. In the meantime, let me know if the link opens, and also let me know your thoughts about me including recordings into my blog posts.