5 ways to be more productive during quarantine

I’ve been talking to friends and family during this quarantine, not that much because I’m an introvert so I don’t socialise much or maybe not that I don’t socialise much. I do socialise but I need my me time and I’m not being able to have much me time because my son is home.

Anyway, the people that I have been talking to were telling me how they have been spending their time, and of course, mom’s are spending most of their time with their kids and it’s important to use this time with your kids to do something productive but at the same time just let them play and make them feel less alone and more loved.

As for me, the activities that I do with my son vary depending on my energy and my mood and depending on his energy and his mood. Lately, I was playing “I spy” with him. It’s a very nice game that requires no tools because we have a lot of colouring books and art supplies and activity books so we’ve been doing a lot of coloring and activity books, but it gets boring after a while and so we’re looking for other activities to do.
Wait. This isn’t what the blog post is about. This blog post is not just for Mom’s. However, I will include a page of 100 activities to do with your kids indoors for my fellow moms (some of them apply to non moms as well, such as playing board games).

As for the rest of you and us moms as adults, we need to be productive as adults besides spending time with our kids and there are several ways to do so.

I’ve been talking to some people who are spending their time watching TV shows, and as much as I recommend binge watching your favourite TV show, I also feel like it’s a huge dopamine boost that when you’re done watching will fall and you will feel depressed probably. I don’t recommend watching all the time. I can’t tell you what you should or shouldn’t do but what I recommend is to do other things that will help you feel productive and help you feel less lonely and depressed.

It can be really depressing, being in quarantine, being trapped and not being able to go outside. I mean, part of taking care of your mental health it’s important to connect with nature, to go outside, to socialize and all these things many people are not being able to do them and so online socialising is a very good idea to take care of your mental health but again that’s not what this blog is about.

This blog is about productivity, so here are 5 ways to be more productive during quarantine:

1. Create a morning and evening routine, if you don’t already have one. Routines help us feel stable, and also boost productivity. When you have a productive morning routine, you get more things done and avoid procrastination. Example of a morning and evening routine:

2. Get moving! Whether you are able to go out for a run while practicing social distancing, or you’re on lockdown and have to exercise from home, just do it. If you have a treadmill, go on it. If you don’t have any equipment, watch a YouTube workout video or follow the exercises of an app. The workout app i use is called 7M women and has a variety of workouts for everyone.

3. Clean, tidy or organize your house. You know the loads of laundry you’ve been procrastinating? Do them. If you need to organize your bookshelf or closet or pantry, do it. Actually, with spring here, this is the perfect time to spring clean, remove the carpets, and put the winter clothes away. As for Australians, winter is coming, so you might want to do the opposite.

4. Read and/or write. If you don’t have a reading list, make one. Write down which books you want to read this year and start reading. If you have books at home, or ebooks on your phone or laptop, start reading them. Also, if you’re interested, you can read my books on Amazon. The links are all here, in ebook and paperback. Sadly, due to the virus, Amazon is currently not shipping paperbacks to Lebanon, and kindle ebooks are not available in any of the Arab world countries for some reason.

5. Dress well. Just because you are stuck at home, it doesn’t mean you can’t look good doing it. If you’re working from home, dress as if you’re going to work. It’ll make you feel better and help you be more productive at work. If you’re not working, still dress up, wear makeup, shower daily if you can so you can look good and smell good. The better you feel, the more productive you will be.

These are the main tips i have for being more productive. I wrote this because I needed it. I’ve been feeling very lazy lately, except for reading and writing, so i will start making these changes in order to be more productive.

Will you?

Big announcement 📢

I still can’t believe it.
I can’t wrap my head around it.

When I was 14, I wrote a poem about time. I remember 1 verse in it “time flies by when you’re having fun, and it sticks around when you’re having none” and I wanted to submit it in my school competition.
My then english teacher threw it in my face, said “this is not even a real poem” and I didn’t write a single poem again for 5 years.

For the past 9 years, coming on to 10, I’ve been writing poetry. I didn’t study poetry. I just read a lot, and I write a lot.
When inspiration strikes, I must leave everything and write, otherwise I forget the words.
When my feelings are jumbled inside or my inner voice is confused by the influence of other voices around me, writing poems helps me understand my feelings and sort my thoughts.

I wasn’t always courageous enough to share my poems. I started by sharing them to those close to me, and with enough positive feedback from these people, some who I have fallen out of touch with but will never forget their support, I began to share my poems with the world.

When I 1st started sharing my poems on my blog, I was scared. After all, this was a blog, which is very different from my poetry, but the positive feedback I recieved on the blog was so flattering. People would say things like “it’s like you were talking about me” and “everything you said resonates with me” and much more encouraging feedback.

We are a community, and your support has given me the courage to pursue the one dream i haven’t given up on yet, to publish a book.
I always thought that when I published a book, it would be a self help book or an autobiography, but your faith in me and my poems made it possible, with God’s will, to finally become an author on Amazon!

This is huge! (sorry I know that phrase reminds you of a certain someone but no political pun intended).

So thank you to all those who read my blogs.
Thank you to all those who read my poems.
Thank you to all those who have given me gushing feedback.
Thank you to everyone who believed in me.

And to that english teacher who shall not be named, look at me now! The poems I have published are only 10% of my total poems, not including the 100 poems I wrote (including that one about time) when i was 14 before I owned a phone or laptop, gave the book to my sister, and then it was lost when her house flooded.

I will keep on reading, keep on writing, keep on improving.
If you want to read my book on kindle, go to Amazon.

The paperback version will be available for sale on Amazon in 3 days, if God wills, for those who can’t read ebooks and would prefer the physical book.
My book is available worldwide and will even be extended to libraries and bookstores.

If you have an idea to start a book, my advice to you is just do it.

Note: For my Lebanese followers, kindle unlimited is not available in Lebanon, but starting June 1st, you can buy my ebook on Amazon.

Let’s talk about dreams

A dream is a wish your heart makes with hope, but sometimes you feel like it won’t come true. Sometimes you get discouraged by a setback or two, and take it as a sign that you shouldn’t go. But don’t get confused. Whatever you dream, there will be obstacles. The decision between holding on to your dream or letting go depends on how badly you want it.

Let’s talk about the difference between purpose, passion, dreams, and goals. Maybe then you’ll understand why dreams are so easily mistaken for fantasy.

By definition, a purpose is someone’s reason for existence. When you have a purpose, everything you do should serve that purpose. And when you have passion for something, by definition, it is a strong and barely controllable emotion. So you need passion as a driving force to fulfill your purpose. But a purpose is a general thing. How can you achieve it if you don’t know what you need to do?

This is where dreams and goals step in.

By definition, a dream is a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal. It is a pleasant hope for the future, without it our problems would seem infinite and our lives would feel dull.

But dreams are general. If not made into plans, they remain just that. Dreams. But how do you turn a dream into a plan and set it into motion? You make goals, which are general guidelines that explain what you want to achieve. After that, you must create objectives, which are specific, measurable, and have a defined completion date.

Let me give you myself as an example. My purpose here on Earth is to worship. But worshipping has two parts. There is the praying and doing my religious duties, and then there is the dealing with people. If i were to set my moral and religious compass aside, i would be selfish and self serving and greedy and all the bad things that humans can be. But because i know i will be held accountable for how i treat people, and because i want to lift others with me knowing how hard life can be, my purpose is to inspire and motivate others into being positive, productive, self-reflecting, kind humans. We need more of those people in the world.

As this is my purpose, i do it with passion. Does this mean that i go around hugging people or giving people money or doing favors endlessly. No. Each person has their own way of motivating, and mine is through written words. I found i had a talent for words 10 years ago and i’ve been working on myself ever since. I write poetry. I post on instagram. I have deep conversations with my friends. I post uplifting content. I write blogs. If 1 person were to be inspired by what i wrote and for example was having a bad day but after reading my words felt less alone or felt understood, then my purpose was fulfilled for that person.

My dream is for my words to be spread out as far as possible. I want to leave a mark, to make a difference. But if i keep my head in the clouds like i’m doing right now, and if i don’t take the 20 minutes a day it takes to make my dream come true, it will remain a distant dream, never tangible. My goal is to publish a book. I have the means. Time and a laptop and a brain. I just need to sit down 20 minutes a day and type. That’s my objective. And i find myself doing everything but that. I once read a saying by Oprah and it touched a chord.

She said:

For every dream, there is automatically going to be resistance. But your sheer will and desire can be stronger than the shadow.

So strengthen your will and feul your desire. It may take time, but your dreams will come true if you want them to and if you are willing to do what it takes, as long as you are not going against God’s will.

Final advice. Pray. Remember the things you have that you once prayed for. Pray for will power and motivation to do what you need to do in order to get closer to your dream.

That being said, i’m going to pray right now and then type. My son’s been watching cartoons for 2 hours. It’s one of those days. So i’m going to turn the cartoons off and hope he doesnt fall asleep like he did earlier today (the reason why i had to put the cartoons in the 1st place to keep him awake because i was tired and so was he). I just hope he lets me type.

Procrastination?

Mop house
Type
Exercise

These are the 3 tasks that I’ve been putting off since Monday.

Monday and Tuesday, the excuse was “my son is home so I won’t manage to do these with him around”. That was a lie.
I can exercise with him around. Recently he has begun exercising with me. He rarely climbs on me anymore.

Also, I have developed a system that allows me to type in front of my son. I give him a few papers to draw on, and I start typing. Every paper I retype is given to my son to draw on. I promised myself to type 5 pages every day. Yes, he nags a lot while I’m typing and draws very quickly, and waits impatiently for the next page. He discusses his drawings with me and the story behind them and asks me if I think they are pretty and whether they are pretty enough to go on the fridge. All this is distracting for me and takes my time and attention, but I can’t ignore it. So it’s difficult to type with him around but not impossible. Before this system, I would type 1 page a day if I was lucky.

I can mop the house with my son around. I know because I’ve done it before. He will decide to go into the room I just mopped the moment I start mopping it. If I want him to not disturb me, I can put him in cartoons. 30 minutes won’t kill him.
But instead, what did I do? Monday and Tuesday I did put him on cartoons for 90 minutes while I watched Revenge. I wasn’t completely useless those 2 days, but I didn’t do my top 3 tasks. I was feeling depressed, ok? Or maybe just lazy?Wednesday I went out, but I managed to clean the bathrooms beforehand. When I came back, I was tired. I spent the afternoon with my son. Quality time. In the evening when my son fell asleep, I was exhausted, so I went to sleep early. I didn’t even watch revenge. No laziness there. I was genuinely tired.Thursday, my son went to school. I overslept. I woke up tired at 11:30 am anyway, and was tired all day. It was a very unproductive day, but I managed to push myself to have some quality time with my son, and I didn’t even put cartoons on for him. When he slept, though, I was too tired to mop, or too lazy, or I was just too hooked on my tv show. I watched 2 episodes of Revenge and went to bed.Today my top goals are to finish these 3 tasks. My son won’t be going to school today, plus at 4 pm I have an important appointment. However, I may be lucky to have some me time for a few hours if my memory serves me well. These few hours maybe all I need to complete these tasks and watch Revenge afterward. Let’s assume I don’t get these few hours of me-time. Why do I feel tired at the prospect of completing these tasks?Based on the above, did I not complete these tasks because I was procrastinating? Or is there another reason?
I’m genuinely asking because I don’t know.

Me coaxing myself to be productive

When your bed is so inviting
Because the weather is so cold
But you have all these tasks waiting
Make your bed and close the door

When the wind is whistling melodies
Tunes meant to put you to sleep
Make a plan and execute it
Let the rest of the world sleep

If you’re sick or really tired
Go ahead and get some rest
Because you need to be fully charged
In order to perform at your best

This life is hard work
No matter what you do
If you put blood, sweat and tears
You know you can make it too

I have piles of papers at my desk
Waiting for me to type them
They aren’t going to type themselves
If i want them done, i’d best get to them

I have dishes to do
Laundry to fold
I have a bathroom to clean
But it’s too cold

It’s rainy outside
Good for a cup of hot chocolate
It’s cold outside
All i want is to snuggle in my blanket
And sleep

When the night falls…

So a while ago, i wrote a post about Morning routines https://stayathomemom495.wordpress.com/2019/12/05/mornings-are-for-productivity/, and i thought that naturally, Nighttime routines would follow, but it didn’t.
Why?
Because i don’t really have a fixed nighttime routine. Maybe that is why i have trouble sleeping at night. I mean, i know the main 3 rules for a good night’s sleep:

1. No food 3 hours before bed.
2. No screens 2 hours before bed.
3. No caffeine after 4pm.

I mostly follow the 3rd rule, I sometimes follow the 1st rule but never follow the 2nd rule. Recently, i have been trying to cut down my screentime in general, and it has helped me go to bed earlier. I used to go to bed between 11pm and midnight, but now i’m in bed between 9:30pm and 10:30pm.

In order to get a better look at what i normally do at night before i sleep, i wrote down what i did and at what time yesterday and today. What i noticed was there were a few things in common:

6pm It’s dinner time for my son (sometimes i eat dinner with him too) *to avoid confusion, lunch and dinner are switched in the Middle East, so the cooked meal is at lunch and a light sandwich is for dinner for example*

6:30pm We do some sort of quality time activity together. Yesterday we played Uno. Today we traced, colored and cut on cardboard

7pm I announce bedtime, which either results in hyperactivity or whining

The timing after this is not constant but approximate, because my son sleeps at a different time every night.

Sometimes my son lies on the couch until he feels sleepy enough to lie down in bed,or he would play with his toys until he feels ready to sleep, but sometimes he falls asleep on the couch like he did yesterday and i get to skip the whole bedtime routine. And yes he brushes his teeth before bed, sometimes 😳 Sometimes he stays up until 9 or 10pm, in which case i read a book until he is sleepy enough for me to lie down next to him until he falls asleep.

If you’re wondering about the bath, i do bathe him twice a week in winter but yesterday and today were not bath days. In summer i bathe him daily. And mind you, i’m talking about week nights/ school nights, he stays up until 11pm on weekends, sometimes midnight.

8pm I make green tea and either read a book like i did today or watch a dvd like i did yesterday

9pm Quality time with my husband, kind of. For example, i read while i sat next to him yesterday. Today i showered and then sat next to my husband and read a book (i also shower twice a week in winter and daily in summer)

9:30-10pm Go to bed, scroll on social media, possibly write a blog post

11pm-midnight Five trips to the bathroom and three prayers later, i fall asleep

6am Wake up (i wake up throughout the night 2 or 3 times too. I get nightmares)

What I am working on

I came across this on instagram, and it got me thinking. I often make to do lists, and this year i decided to make monthly goals instead of yearly goals. Things that i can track my progress in. For example: exercise daily for 5 minutes at least. If i do it, i tick ☑️ and if I don’t, I tick ❎

There are some goals however, that can’t be measured. In a previous blog https://stayathomemom495.wordpress.com/2019/12/27/my-main-goal-for-2020/, I talked about how my New Years Resolution was to live more wholeheartedly, and i explained that instead of being a S. M. A. R. T. Goal like exercising daily, it was a H. E. A. R. T. Goal. So i decided to write down the things i’m working on, in terms of what i’m trying to do less of. It’s not exactly measurable, but i need to be conscious when I am doing these things in order to minimize them.

So here it goes…

What I am working on (trying to do less of) :

  • My temper:
  • I have always been a hot head. I may not seem that way if you just met me. I may seem shy, calm and collected, but there is a volcano 🌋 brewing underneath. I get irritated/angered very easily, and some people take advantage of that and make it their goal to get me to explode. My goal is to get to the point where I am no longer phased when people try to get under my skin. It may take years of practice, and I don’t have a clear idea of how to get there, but i have to keep reminding myself that their behavior says everything about them and nothing about me and that reacting with anger will not stop their behavior but rather will make them feel like they succeeded in controlling my feelings.
  • My fear of failure:
  • Everybody is afraid of failure to a certain extent. Nobody wants to experience the downside of failure but everyone wants to reap the benefits of success. Success and failure both have pros and cons. With success, comes a new set of responsibilities, and some people fear success. But failure is an important step on the way to success, because if you don’t fail, you won’t know what NOT to do. For me, my fear of failure is debilitating sometimes. I’d like to blame it on my anxiety, but i’m not sure anxiety is 💯 the one to blame. I fear failure and loss and rejection to the extent that many times I won’t even try. I stay in my comfort zone because it is familiar. I go back to old habits because they feel safe. So my goal is to keep going despite my fear, and maybe along the way, my fear will disappear.
  • Stress/bored eating:
  • When i am hungry, i don’t eat much. However, everytime i am upset about a certain situation i’m in or a certain someone who got on my nerves, my mind immediately craves sugar, junk food, carbs, and i get this urge that doesn’t go away until i eat said craved foods. The problem is, after eating them, i get bloated and have a sugar rush and i feel horrible. Filled with regret, i promise not to stress eat, until i do it again. My goal is to reach for a fruit when i really want a chocolate bar. I did that last night. I felt i really needed chocolate and instead, i ate an apple and 2 tangerines and not only because i had already eaten my stash of chocolate and my sons as well (we still have chocolate in the freezer) but because i exercised will power. So my goal is to do what i did last night more often.
  • Laziness to exercise:
  • It’s too cold. I have housework. I’m too tired. My son is home and will climb on me if i exercise now. I don’t feel like it. I don’t want to sweat. It’s too hot. I’m too busy. All these are excuses. I know if i organize my time wisely, i will be able to squeeze time for exercise everyday, and not just for 5 minutes, but for 20 minutes. It’s just that i don’t like to exercise alone and it’s too cold to walk to the gym (see? Another excuse). Now that i recognize my excuses, my next goal is to ignore them and exercise anyway.
  • Being on my phone too much:
  • Last year, i downloaded an application that tracked my phone usage. I was on my phone for 6 hours a day on average. I tried to minimize my phone time and i was able to get down to 3 or 4 hours a day, which is still a lot. This year, what with reading blogs and writing blogs, and doing God knows what (well mainly instagram and youtube) i still spend an average of 6 hours on my phone a day. I do challenges on my phone to decrease the usuage of certain applications, but i end up using other applications more out of boredom. So my goal is to put my phone away everytime i feel i’m wasting my time on it.
  • Forgetting basic hygiene:
  • I used to be very keen on showering, brushing my teeth and brushing my hair everyday. It’s true what they say, that when you become a mother, showering becomes a luxury. Some moms don’t mind showering while their kids bang on the door, but i like peace and quiet while i shower and my son cries if i even go to the bathroom so I usually wait for him to sleep but by the time he is asleep, i’m too tired to shower anymore. So my goal is to shower/brush my hair/brush my teeth more, even if i have a kid stuck to me like velcro.
  • Being social ONLY on social media:
  • There are people I know who barely touch their phones. My cousin checks her social media once in the morning and once at night. It used to irritate me when someones doesn’t reply to my texts immediately, until I started getting busy and i realized that more life equals less phone. People who are actually going and interacting with humans in real life don’t feel the need to reach out via whatsapp or instagram. Only reaching out to people via whatsapp rather than irl is something i’ve been doing more of lately. Even my blogs have become a means of communication. A friend of mine once asked me “How have you been?” and i simply replied “Read my blogs and you’ll find out”. My blogs are not supposed to be a diary. They are meant as a tool to motivate and inspire. So i definitely need to go out more and interact with people face to face rather than through texts.
  • Getting hung up on the past:
  • Depressing myself by remembering past events and reliving them over and over again is not a hobby of mine, but it is something i do often. I’d like to blame it on depression, but I don’t know why this happens to me. I’d be chilling and having a good time and suddenly I remember something that bothers me in the present (an unresolved problem that i am unable to change or fix) and before i know it, i’m in a blackhole of bad memories from 4 years ago that are not even related to my current issue but are somehow connected and i feel all the negative feelings of that event again and i feel so hopeless and miserable and i can even imagine a future argument i’m going to have about this event that happened 4 years ago (i’m not kidding, this literally happened to me yesterday).
  • Trying to control everything:
  • I try to control how my day goes and what i do when and it’s not because i’m a control freak. I mean, when i do housework, i do it my way and if my son wants to help, he must do it my way too, and i like to play board games by the rules and i don’t like it when my son is acting silly while we play monopoly, but that is normal, right? Right? The reason why I am so meticulous about the details is because i am unable to control anything in my life. The whole course of my life is beyond my control. Does that make any sense? Well, if you know, you know.
  • Overthinking everything:
  • When he said x, did he mean y? When she looked to the right,was she lying? When they asked me this question, were they asking because they care or were they just prying into my life? Stooooopppp. I swear I run my brain into overdrive from overthinking every word and gesture. Most of my blog posts are written at night while i’m in bed trying to sleep (like right now) because my brain goes a mile a minute and the only way to quiet the noise is to write things down and try to organize my thoughts and determine which ones are rational and which belong in the trash. Obviously, if i do this less, i may end up with less blog posts but more sleep, so maybe i’ll write a blog about the benefits of sleep if i ever experience having enough sleep.

There are other things i am working on like self loathing, impulsiveness, being too serious, complaining too much and others, but i won’t elaborate because 10 is long enough of a list already.

What is/are something/s you are working on?

Scutwork

I am a very inconsistent person and I think you can tell from my blogs. Sometimes I write every day, sometimes I write once every two days and at times every 3 days and in cases when i’m sick, once a week. It really affect my stats because the more consistently i write, the more my views increase. Anyway, writing blogs for me is not just about the stats. Of course, I get happy when I see that my stats are increasing but I also know when I’m pushing myself too hard and this week, the reason why I haven’t been writing is because I’ve been busy i’ve been going out more. Monday I went walking and i wrote a blog about it and that was it.

Tuesday I spent the day with my best friend and then there’s Wednesday and Thursday. The situation in Lebanon was a bit quiet for a while, or at least I thought it was quiet, and then things just exploded and things are getting really violent with the protests, so yesterday and today my son didn’t have school and I have a migraine to prove it.

I wanted to write something meaningful and wise. I’ve been reading a lot and I’ve been getting a lot of wisdom from my readings and the book that I’m currently reading is actually about the Civil War in Lebanon and the 2006 war in Lebanon and it’s about realising what’s important and living in the moment and appreciating your loved ones.

I stress so much about things like “I’m so behind on housework” and these things are very important actually because a clean home and a tidy environment create a clean and tidy mental space.

I wrote this long to do list today because I did not write a to do list yesterday and I felt so lost and out of balance and I just cried and so today I overwhelmed myself and I put 23 things on my list actually and then postponed three of them until tomorrow and so I have 20 things on my list and I’ve done 14 and and it’s 7:30 p.m. and the thing is; I had to keep on stopping because I had to spend time with my son which is something actually really important, more important than housework. It’s just, this dilemma that I have when I do housework while my son is at home: I had to give him screen time in order to be able to do housework and that makes me feel guilty and then when I am spending time with him and playing with him, which I just spent 90 minutes of quality time with him and yet my to-do list is nagging at me at the back of my head so i feel guilty for not being fully present with him and that’s just how I’ve been today.

I just told my son that I can’t colour with him because i have a migraine, which is true but also because I have a lot of things to do and I can’t just rest because my son is still awake (we both woke up 9am today so good luck to me to get him in bed before 10pm).

My son was actually coloring in front of me during the writing and editing of this blog post. He even gave me 3 stickers just now. Does that mean i’m still a good mom?

So the reason why I haven’t written in 3 days is because my mind has been all over the place and I haven’t had much time to just sit and write and I’m getting migraines everyday even though I went out three times this week but my head feels very heavy.

I don’t know how to explain but do you ever feel like you’re just going by your days doing scutwork and nothing is meaningful and nothing matters because it can all go away any minute? That’s how I have been feeling so i apologise for not writing and hopefully soon I will write a blog post about co-sleeping (parents know what I’m talking about). I’m going to talk about my experience with co-sleeping and sleep training within 2 days hopefully so stay tuned.

Anxiety attacks, a walk in the park, and donuts!

10am: The smell of freedom! The smell of fresh air! My God! It’s been so long since I have gone out for a walk and i finally gathered the courage to get dressed and tell my husband that I’m going out for a walk. I just can’t take it anymore! I feel like I’m in captivity! It’s just…my God! I feel bad for all those people that are in prison. They deserve a breath of fresh air. It is unbelievable! I’m a prisoner in my own house. Partly it is because of the weather and because I keep on getting sick but there is another more personal reason. I mean everyone else goes out when the weather is cold and even when they’re sick, except me! Anyway, enough ranting today.

I want to talk about the benefits of walking in nature because I’m going to the park, but on the way to the park I’m going to stop at the supermarket and get some snacks to give my son for school. Also, I’m starving because I only had a cookie for breakfast with my coffee. Also, the sky looks amazing! I want to take a picture but here’s the thing: I am testing which application I can live without the most and which application I can’t live without.

So first I did a no phone Challenge for 1-hour on my phone and I almost went insane because all the thoughts in my head just poured into my ears; all the negative thoughts; nothing positive. I ended up getting anxiety attacks knowing that they are just negative thoughts and still i was unable to control them. I don’t talk about my anxiety much because I feel like it sounds like a call for attention. It’s not! You have no idea what it’s like to live trapped inside your head unless you have anxiety or depression or another mental illness. Living inside your head is very difficult, it’s very overwhelming, and sometimes paralyzing. So it took a lot of effort just to get up and do the laundry and dishes.

I also currently have other challenges running: a camera fast, Instagram fast, youtube fast, whatsapp fast, and gallery fast. I put them all at the same time for 4 hours (except the whatsapp challenge is 2 hours) so let me see if I can last 4 hours without these 5 applications. I doubt it, but I will try my best. I’ll probably lose the camera challenge because I’m going to the park so I’m definitely getting pictures of all the greenery!

10:30am: Now that i’m done taking pictures and it looks like it’s about to rain, I’m going to start heading home. The trees were amazing. The sky with the trees were magical. I took amazing pictures. I definitely failed the camera challenge. I expected I would. I couldn’t see all this beautiful nature and not take pictures. I only got to see half the park and I wanted to see the other half but I don’t want it to rain on me because i don’t want to get sick. I’m not that adventurous today. So I’m just heading back home.
Let’s talk about anxiety.

The other day I saw a post on Instagram about things that make anxiety worse and i realised that I do all of them. Caffeine makes anxiety worse and I drink 2 cups of coffee a day. Lack of sleep makes anxiety worse and I don’t sleep well. I’m not really sure if my lack of sleep is the cause of my anxiety or the result of it or maybe both. Maybe it’s just a never ending cycle. I definitely have anxiety induced Insomnia because, for some reason, the moment it’s time to go to bed, my brain clicks and nearly goes into overdrive. That’s why I’m on my phone a lot. I’m on my phone to get out of my head but being on my phone gives me a different kind of anxiety so much so that when I’m without my phone I get really anxious. Another thing that makes anxiety worse is social media, so voila! It’s like the saying “damned if you do and damned if you don’t”.

Anyway, the walk in the park was really relaxing. It was really a good idea and I’ve been wanting to take a walk in the park for a very long time and I’m so glad that I was finally able to. I’m thinking of going shopping but I’m afraid it may rain so I’m not really sure if I should. I feel like if I don’t go I will regret it and I know that I’m probably not going to leave the house for the next 3 weeks anyway because of the weather. I’m going to take advantage of being away from all the internal noise and try to endure the external noise of the cars as much as I can. As long as there is no wind, I’m fine. I’m starving though. I want to go into a cafe and eat something but it would be awkward to sit alone and i’m afraid that if I go into a cafe that it’ll just suddenly start pouring.

I’m just going to go shopping because I really feel like buying my husband a sweater because last winter I bought him one and he liked it so I’m going to the same store and I’m buying him another shirt.

11am: I went shopping,but i didn’t find anything my husband would like. I didn’t even find anything WOW for me or my son.Ok looks like it’s stopped raining and the sun came up again because the sky is blue and the clouds are white again. I’m not trying to be a weather forecaster.

I won the whatsapp challenge, and reached my walking goal (6000steps).

I got some donuts in celebration. I’m trying to stay outside of the house as much as possible and i’m trying to soak it all in so that when I need it for later.

Also, there’s a dog nearby so I’m going to have to flee for my life because I’m terrified of dogs!

I won all the other challenges too. Yay! It feels good to win.

I tried drinking more water for a week!

I don’t like water. There! I said it. It’s tasteless and i don’t find it enjoyable to drink. I don’t drink juice either except rarely. I don’t drink soda or energy drinks. I’m a coffee and herbal tea person. If i were to count my liquids throughout the day, that would be 2 cups of coffee, 2 cups of herbal tea, and 1 cup of water.

However, i know that water is healthy. I know that drinking water is good for your skin and overall wellbeing. I know that when you feel thirsty, then you are already partially dehydrated. I don’t feel thirsty easily, and when i do, i’m unable to drink a whole cup of water in less than an hour interval.

So in the spirit of the New Year and new beginnings and goal renewing, i decided to download an application to remind me to drink water and to track my water consumption (just water, not coffee nor herbal drinks) for a week and this is what happenned:

Did i drink more water? Yes, but apparently not enough.

Did i feel more energized? No, but apparently, i was more active.

Did my skin improve? No, it’s still dry.
Maybe my body wasn’t meant to hold water in, because i let it all out and ended up thirsty half the time, despite drinking more water.
Maybe i’m not used to drinking water so i need to try this for a month at least before i notice a difference.

However, i learned certain tips on “how” to drink water.
One thing i know for sure, i’m not deleting the app, and i recommend you download it too if you are having trouble drinking water like me.

Drink Water Reminder: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.remind.drink.water.hourly