Self-reflection Sunday: Deep conversation topics part 7

Hello and welcome to my blog! It was a nice weekend. It’s really hot though, but fun. But before I say goodbye to the weekend, let’s do some Self-reflection before Sunday is over.

Deep Conversation Topics:

7. Do you find purpose in your work?

Sometimes. My work as a mother is irritating and exhausting, but rewarding nonetheless. When I look at the big picture, that I’m raising someone and teaching them values, it reminds me that having patience is worth it. I get caught up in the day-to-day struggles a lot, and I often have to remind myself of my purpose as a mother, which is to nurture my son and give him the tools he needs when he grows up.

My job as a writer is different. Writing is my passion. It’s what I do when I’m feeling negative emotions. It’s how I deal with emotional pain. It’s also something I often forget to do when I’m happy. When I’m just enjoying life, I don’t get the urge to write. When I’m feeling awful, you can count on me to be very eloquent. My purpose in writing my blog and my books are not just my need to let things out, but also to motivate and inspire. Sometimes I read a post and feel like those were the exact words I needed to hear. Other times I’m feeling overwhelmed and getting lost in a book is just what I need. Unfortunately, I’m not yet able to write novels. Something is pulling me back, but I will keep pushing until I at least finish the 10 chapter novella, because there is a story inside of me, and I need to let it out to the world. It may not be my story precisely, but it’s a story of love, loss, and healing, which is something we all can relate to.

What about you? Do you find purpose in your job?

Eid is in 2 days. I’m going to be fasting Arafah tomorrow so wish me luck (fasting is really hard for me).

Throwback Thursday: My Likes and dislikes (a pointless ranking of items that many people despise because, well, why not?)

Hello and welcome to my blog! Welcome to throwback Thursday where I bring back a post from exactly a year ago, and give my insights about it. Today I’m going to see my likes and dislikes from a year ago and see if they’re still the same.

My likes and dislikes:

I have a lot of pet peeves (things that annoy me). Seeing hair on a plate makes my appetite go away. When people talk while they chew, I can feel my stomach turn.

Here is a list of things that I will rank from disgusting 🤮 to intolerable 😱 to infuriating 😠 to “I couldn’t care less” 🙄 to “what’s the big deal?” 😒 and finally to “actually, I like this!” 😅

Using the above emoticons.

Here we go.

1. Country music: 🙄

I rarely listen to music, but when I do, I don’t listen to country music. I still don’t like country music, but if you do, who am I to judge?

2. Blue cheese: 🤮

Mold. Fungus. You get the idea. Do you like blue cheese?

3. The word moist: 🙄

Words are powerful, yes, but I think the only words that make me cringe are swear words. Are you triggered by the word moist?

4. Cigarettes: 🤮

They smell revolting. They’re bad for your health. They’re toxic, and the smoke makes me cough and my eyes water. Also, I’m convinced they’re prohibited in Islam. I stand by that, forever and always. Do you smoke?

5. Reality TV: 😠

I think all reality tv is fake. When you know you’re on camera, you act differently. There is no way that reality tv is real. It’s rehearsed and overdramatic and just a waste of time. What about you? Do you watch reality tv?

6. Loud chewing: 🤮

Lips smacking. Mouth opening, showing the food inside. The noise makes me want to throw up. Do you or anyone you know chew like this?

7. Mushrooms: 😅

I used to only eat the canned mushrooms, but once I tasted fresh mushrooms, I fell in love. They’re good with pasta, chicken, meat, and salad. But they’re really expensive in this economic crisis we’re going through in Lebanon. I miss eating fresh mushrooms. Do you like mushrooms?

8. Astrology: 😱

I feel strongly against anything that goes against Islam. Of course, for non-Muslims, to each their own, but when Muslims read and believe in astrology as if fate and God mean nothing, it makes me feel self-righteous. Nevertheless, I must remember not everyone has the same Islamic background as me, so many people are unaware that astrology is involved with witchcraft and the devils trying to listen in on the angels in the sky. Do you believe in Astrology?

9. Early mornings: 😅

I’m an early riser, not 5 am but more like 8 or 9 am, sometimes 7. Sometimes I have trouble going back to sleep after Fajr (dawn) prayer, like today, because I’m anxious to do something specific or have a lot on my mind. When I wake up at 10 am, I feel groggy and disoriented, and grumpy the whole day. Besides, I’m more productive when I wake up early. I still wake up every day at 8. The only difference is every day I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck.

10. Hair in the drain: 🤮

Just yuck. Especially if it’s not my hair. In my house, I put this thing on top of the drain to catch the hair before it gets clogged and disgusting. Do you leave hair in the drain or remove it right away?

11. Republicans: 😠

The only thing I hate more than injustice is flaunting injustice and being proud to be racist and rude arrogant and…👀 I mean, everyone has the freedom of political opinion but… Come on! Of course, I don’t know enough about politics to claim one party is better than another but I was referring to a specific republican and his supporters.

12. Waiting: 😱

I don’t like it when someone wastes my time and keeps me waiting. I got used to it because people in Lebanon are fashionably late, but it still annoys me. If there is a long queue to get something I want, for FREE, I wouldn’t stand in that queue. I’m not as annoyed with waiting as I used to be, but it does bother me a bit.

13. A tall glass of cold dairy milk: 😅

Yum. I mean, with peanut butter and jam toast. Heaven on earth. I’m not even going to start on those who drink almond milk. I mean God created cows, sheep, and goats, so you could squeeze an almond?! Anyway, you do you. I like my milk from a cow. I rarely drink milk these days, except in my coffee but I still like cold milk. I also like hot chocolate milk.

14. Sleeping warm: 😅

I can’t sleep without covering, no matter how hot it is. I usually get cold while sleeping in hot weather, with the AC off. I’m still the same in that regard.

15. Silence: 😱

Awkward. Deafening. Especially in an argument. Yell at me but don’t give me the silent treatment. In social gatherings, silence makes me want to lie in a hole 🕳 especially when everyone is looking at me. I’m still uncomfortable with silence.

16. Bad weather: 😒

I like sunshine and I like rain. I think there’s no such thing as bad weather, except hurricanes and tsunamis and avalanches. I just don’t like cold weather.

17. Small talk: 😱

The reason why I have social anxiety. I’m not interested in shopping and gossip and makeup. I’m not good at finding people’s favorite colors and favorite numbers. I’m not good at giving personal information without giving TMI, so I just sit quietly and hope nobody knows what’s going on inside my head. I still don’t like small talk but I think I’m better at it. I hope.

18. Raw tomatoes: 😱

I can’t. I can tolerate it in a salad, occasionally, but to actually cut a tomato and eat it next to something. No. The skin on the tomato weirds my teeth out. I now occasionally eat raw tomatoes with eggs.

19. The dentist: 😱

I admit I haven’t been to the dentist in 3 years. I know I need to go, but the smell. The sound of that zing thing. Having my mouth opened and afraid I’ll swallow my tongue or choke on my saliva, or have my tongue cut by that zing thing if I move my tongue the wrong way. It’s all too much. I went to the dentist a while ago and he said I need one of my wisdom teeth pulled out (the last one standing since I had 3 but removed 2 around 4 years ago). I just need to get an x-ray 1st. I still didn’t get that x-ray or get my tooth pulled out.

20. Cilantro: 🙄

I mean I use it in my cooking, but I don’t crave it. This is still the case.

21. Traffic: 😒

Yes, traffic is annoying, and I’ve never driven in traffic before. Maybe if I did, I’d switch this to intolerable, but as long as the AC is on in the car and I’m not running late, traffic doesn’t bother me. I just don’t see how people get into fights over traffic. Some people go into RAGE over traffic. I have never driven before so I have only ever experienced traffic as a passenger.

That’s all I have. I got this idea from Connor Franta.

He made a video on Youtube about just this. I edited the ranking a bit, but I thought it was fun to state my opinion of things nobody cares what I think of anyway. How would you rank these things?

Motivational Monday: Be patient, you will be successful

Hello and welcome to my blog! Welcome to Motivational Monday, where I motivate you with inspirational phrases that probably won’t change your life but will brighten your day.

My mood is on the upside today, as opposed to how it was yesterday. It does up and down a lot during the day, I need every ounce of motivation to keep it up as much as possible. It’s like when you’re in the middle of the ocean and every wave throws you off balance and you’re trying to float and some waves are small, causing you to move a bit harder to remain afloat, while other waves are so big they seem to swallow you and you end up swallowing so much water you’re sputtering and feel like you’ve already drowned but you didn’t.

Aside from the dramatic imagery, I’m okay today. I feel almost at peace. I’m easily triggered by little things like a slight rise in someone’s tone of voice or if someone didn’t immediately answer my question or if I’m going to be late to somewhere because of an inconvenience like I am now.

Great things take time, be patient. I’ve always been an impulsive person, so it takes a lot of effort to be patient. I make rash decisions and regret them later, but I’m learning to slow down and think things through. My goals as a writer are like shooting for the moon, but I know I will get there some day. It may take years but it will happen. I just need to work hard and be patient.

Take your dreams seriously. Sometimes I doubt myself and think, how can I become successful? I tend to procrastinate for fear of failure. I get lazy and binge-watch tv shows instead of working. The writing part is easy, but to be successful, I need to do the tedious parts as well. I need to edit, create canva designs, and promote my work.

Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. I’ve written about failure before, and about how we can change our perception of it. If we learned something, we didn’t fail.

Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s impossible. You can do it!

Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time.

A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.

It’s not selfish to love yourself first. In fact, you must love yourself 1st in order to love others.

Remember, you deserve good things. Imposter syndrome be gone!

Self-reflection Sunday: Deep conversation topics part 6

Hello and welcome to my blog! I am so exhausted, I’ve been napping on and off these past few days. But before I say goodbye to the weekend, let’s do some Self-reflection before Sunday is over.

Deep Conversation Topics:

6. Where do you find purpose in your life?

This is an easy question. Whenever I feel lost and confused, I know I need to get closer to God. My purpose in life is to be a good Muslim, and it should reflect in all my relationships, starting with my relationship with myself (self-love, self-care, self-reflection, and self-improvement), with my parents, my siblings, my husband, my son, my in-laws, my community, and my writings. I have a responsibility to be a good role model in all my words and actions, and it is my purpose to motivate and inspire myself and others to do better and be better. I know I’m far from being the role model I wish to be but the intention is there and I’m putting in the work. Of course, I have many specific goals, such as exercise daily and drink 1 liter of water a day (because I barely drink water usually), and many others, in order to live out my purpose.

What about you? What is your purpose in life?

Help! I still need 150 words at least.

Hello and welcome to my blog! How are you doing? Remember a while back I wrote a short story? After that, I wrote a whole outline for a novel, but for some reason couldn’t bring myself to write it. When kindlevella was announced as a beta on Amazon, I got excited and wrote 2 more scenes and published the 1st chapter of my 1st novella (since it’s not going to be a novel anytime soon). Then I started getting emails that kindlevella will launch in the US in July and I should have at least 5 chapters published, 3 of which would be free to the readers, and I still have only one!

Today, I wrote scene 2 from chapter 2. However, I only got 450 words in (counting scene 1) and they said it needs to be at least 600 words, up to 5000 words (chapter 1 is 1900 words). I’m stuck and I need inspiration.

Anyway, here is what I have so far:

Scene 1

Sandra came back from her walk refreshed, and she even got groceries to make fettuccine. She put on her apron and got to work. She put on a podcast in the background and danced as she put all the ingredients together. When the food was ready, she pulled out a plate, but before eating, she felt a pang in her heart, because she wished Tony was home to eat with her. He had to work late the past few months and it felt like he was avoiding her. Maybe it was all in her head. She decided to pay him a visit at work and surprise him with some fettuccine. She got so excited by the idea that she almost forgot she was all sweaty from her walk and dancing, so she decided she would shower and dress up before she went. The shower was refreshing, especially if you owned such a luxurious bathroom as she did. She dressed in her best jeans and a yellow laced V neck before packing some food to take to her husband. However, when she arrived, he was so busy he barely acknowledged her. He thanked her for the lunch curtly and told her he would see her at home at 7 p.m. He didn’t even ask her to sit and eat with him! Devastated, she went home and picked at her food for a while before deciding she wasn’t in the mood to eat anyway. She thought of calling her mom but she also wasn’t in the mood, especially since her mom didn’t even know about the miscarriage and would be heartbroken when she found out. Sandra wasn’t ready to tell her yet.

Scene 2

Tony was exhausted. He hadn’t slept well the night before and he had so much work to do. He had been working for hours, and even had to work through his lunch break. He just wanted the day to be over with, so he could go home, eat, and sleep. He had already drunk 3 cups of coffee so far and his heart was beating so fast. Too bad the blood wasn’t reaching his brain fast enough, or he wouldn’t be so tired.

All of a sudden, Sandra showed up at his work! She threw him off guard and he was already unfocused as it was. He could see she brought him lunch, and so he thanked her and told her he needed to get back to work. As soon as he finished the file he was working on, he would eat. He was really glad Sandra brought him lunch, especially after how she had been the day before, it seemed she was all better now.

Authors note:

That was the thing about Tony. He was oblivious to Sandra’s hurt. He didn’t realize that she was expecting to eat with him. He figured she already ate. Had he asked her, he would have known. However, she could have told him she was expecting to eat with him. Communication is very important in a relationship, and both parties must express their wants and needs clearly. Your spouse is not going to read your mind.

Any ideas how to finish the chapter? I need 1 more scene. All ideas are welcome.

I’m thinking the next scene should be he comes home and is acting like nothing is wrong but she is mad and he is trying to figure out why. For some reason, I’m not being able to word it. It just won’t flow from my head…

Storytime: I’m so tired

Hello everyone! I thought today was Wednesday until I checked my calendar at 6 pm. Then I was shocked to see that not only was today Thursday, and I didn’t post the throwback Thursday post, but it was also July 1st, my sisters birthday and the beginning of new months.

I love new months, usually, but not today. Today I’m so tired. Today I woke up wanting to go back to sleep, and after doing some housework, I spent hours trying to go back to sleep.

I wasn’t even able to nap, and I’m still so tired. I think I may be going through a bout of depression, and I’m pushing myself as much as I can because I have responsibilities, but truth be told, I’m tired, and I need a break. I need a weekend getaway, by myself, and I know I’ll never get it.

Even Grammarly sent me an email congratulating me on using the app a lot, but they noticed my tone has been gloomy and confused lately.

As for my wrapping up of June goals, the stats are incomplete. I started to calculate last week’s stats then got busy, tired, bored, hopeless, or whatever the reason I didn’t finish it was.

I wrote my to-do list today, as soon as I woke up actually, but got only half of them done. To me, that’s an epic fail. I rarely ever get less than 80% done. Not to mention my antisocial behavior today because I was so tired. Three family members called me while I was trying to nap and one called me while I was trying to eat. I was even supposed to visit my grandma today and I didn’t go. There was no one to take me anyway.

I’m just tired. I want to sleep for a week or so. Wake me up when it’s all over. I’m writing this post as I’m trying to get my 6-year-old ready for bed. For some reason, he can’t brush his teeth without soaking all his clothes in water. It’s so frustrating.

See this is why I avoid socializing when I’m tired. My filter turns off and I just say everything that comes to mind. I was supposed to post a throwback Thursday at 8 pm, and it’s almost 10.

Don’t get me wrong. I love blogging. I love connecting with you all. I’m just really tired. I’m not even complaining about my migraines and leg pain and bloating and knee pain and neck and shoulder spasms.

I’m tired. I’m all kinds of tired. Physically, emotionally and mentally.

But I’m so grateful for everything I have, starting with the ability to be a stay-at-home mom. Or am I a work from home mom now? Does publishing books, having a podcast, and blogging (even though the blogging part is free) count as work?

I just calculated last weeks goals assessment, and my physical goals are up 7%, while my spiritual goals are down 10%

I got to go deal with my son, who is throwing a tantrum over a pair of shorts.

Self-reflection Sunday: Deep conversation topics part 5

Hello and welcome to my blog! I am so exhausted, I could sleep for a whole week. But before I say goodbye to the weekend, let’s do some Self-reflection before Sunday is over.

Deep Conversation Topics:

5. When have you given up on something?

I don’t think I have ever given up on anything I set my mind to. I have procrastinated and come close to giving up on a lot of things, but I have given up on people. Toxic people, relatives, people who I gave up on advising them or changing them. I have given up on the idea of peaceful parenting time and again but it didn’t seem to work or I didn’t seem to have the patience for it, but then something happens and I get encouraged and start over.

What about you? Have you even given up on something or someone?

Top 5 posts in June 2021 and most recent posts

Hello and welcome to my blog! June has been a rollercoaster month for me, in terms of everything. However, as I choose to focus on the good things, such as my son graduating from kindergarten, I’ll ignore the fluctuating stats and that June stats are lower than May stats, and I’ll focus instead on the top 5 posts this month (most viewed).

Top 5 posts this month are:

We all have a dark side from my book “We all have a dark side, the key to happiness and more”.

Pros and cons of wearing your heart on your sleeve from my book “The best advice to improve yourself and your relationships”.

Promo for “The best advice to improve yourself and your relationships” and free sample.

Motivational Monday: Be your motivation.

Poetry Friday: It’s summertime but I just want to sleep

If you like my blogs, you will love my books!

Check out my Amazon author page here!

Most recent 5 posts are:

I need your help to finish the chapter

Hello and welcome to my blog! How are you doing? Remember a while back I wrote a short story? After that, I wrote a whole outline for a novel, but for some reason couldn’t bring myself to write it. When kindlevella was announced as a beta on Amazon, I got excited and wrote 2 more scenes and published the 1st chapter of my 1st novella (since it’s not going to be a novel anytime soon). Then I started getting emails that kindlevella will launch in the US in July and I should have at least 5 chapters published, 3 of which would be free to the readers, and I still have only one!

Today, I reread and edited the 1st chapter, and began writing the 2nd chapter. However, I only got 250 words in and they said it needs to be at least 600 words, up to 5000 words (chapter 1 is 1900 words). I’m stuck and I need inspiration.

Anyway, here is what I have so far:

Scene 1

Sandra came back from her walk refreshed, and she even got groceries to make fettuccine. She put on her apron and got to work. She put on a podcast in the background and danced as she put all the ingredients together. When the food was ready, she pulled out a plate, but before eating, she felt a pang in her heart, because she wished Tony was home to eat with her. He had to work late the past few months and it felt like he was avoiding her. Maybe it was all in her head. She decided to pay him a visit at work and surprise him with some fettuccine. She got so excited by the idea that she almost forgot she was all sweaty from her walk and dancing, so she decided she would shower and dress up before she went. The shower was refreshing, especially if you owned such a luxurious bathroom as she did. She dressed in her best jeans and a yellow laced V neck before packing some food to take to her husband. However, when she arrived, he was so busy he barely acknowledged her. He thanked her for the lunch curtly and told her he would see her at home at 7 p.m. He didn’t even ask her to sit and eat with him! Devastated, she went home and picked at her food for a while before deciding she wasn’t in the mood to eat anyway. She thought of calling her mom but she also wasn’t in the mood, especially since her mom didn’t even know about the miscarriage and would be heartbroken when she found out. Sandra wasn’t ready to tell her yet.

Any ideas how to finish the chapter? I need 2 more scenes. All ideas are welcome.

Why I need to write things down

I write to-do lists to motivate myself to be productive. Otherwise, I give in to laziness and depression. I get anxious if I don’t write what I need to do because as a stay-at-home mom, I have a lot to do. Some people may think I just sit around and do nothing, and even though I do waste my time binge-watching sometimes, but I do get a lot done in a day. Maybe not as much compared to those housewives who cook and clean all day, but my productivity is about balance. For example, today I exercised and read Quran and prayed, and made sure my son studied. I did the dishes and laundry, watched 1 1/2 episodes of The Good Doctor, and did other little things, like making the beds and tidied up, and listened to my son, and assessed my goals for last week (something I usually do on Monday).

I write my goals to keep myself focused. Otherwise, I’ll just wander through the day passing the time. Besides being a mother and a housewife, I consider my writing my job. I take it very seriously, but I don’t force myself to do it. Yesterday I didn’t feel like writing, so I didn’t. I was in a mood all day because I hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before, and I was also trying to be productive while spending less time on my phone (I’m currently doing a productivity challenge on the 21 days challenges app).

I’m also doing a journaling challenge on the app because I need to self-reflect as well. I write to let things out, but I can’t write well if I don’t know what it is exactly what I need to let out. I called my mom yesterday. My relationship with my mom isn’t one I write about on the blog, but it is a bit complex. I love my mom. I do, but I’m still working on accepting her as she is and not expecting her to be like other moms, all while trying not to be like her while finding out I’m more like her than I care to admit. As I said, it’s complicated. Watching tv shows helps me self-reflect because I observe social interactions between the characters.

I write blogs to let my thoughts and feelings out. I’ve learned the hard way that nobody cares. Rarely anyone ever wants to know how my day went, except for my older sister sometimes. I share big stories that happened during the week with my family on Saturday, like when the glass fell on my arm and bruised it a week ago, and they make good stories. I’m good at telling a story with my family, as long as it doesn’t involve deep conversation. I find strangers are more invested in how I feel than my family, and can relate more.

I write my goals and tasks so that I don’t forget.

Grammarly doesn’t catch all mistakes, so I still had to reread the posts and edit more than 40 mistakes per post.

I write about my thoughts and feelings so I don’t ruminate over them. The blog is like a brain dump for me sometimes. If you ask me to reference my blogs, I honestly can’t remember. I edited a few blogs from 2017 a few days ago, because back then I used to write one paragraph and I made many grammatical mistakes.

These are the blogs I edited from 2017

I started this post aiming to write my progress with my goals, but I guess I’ll just take a picture of my assessment instead, like I did last week.

Physical goals increased 19% compared to last week, while emotional control decreased 14% compared to last week.

I keep obsessing over my stats. On the one hand, I noticed most people aren’t getting past my home page lately, which to me is bad. On the other hand, I have more views in these 6 months of 2021 than I had in all of 2020. Just a tiny bit more but still, it feels good.

5,725 views in the last 6 months compared to 5,711 views last year.

Also, I’m starving. I had a bowl of coco pops at 9 am and it’s after 1 pm. I also really need social connection but I also don’t feel like talking to anyone. Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy today. However, my son is starting to get bored, and he has been mouthy with me lately, but I don’t want to expose him on the blog. I’m hoping I’m able to deal with him with wisdom. For the time being, I’m practicing patience.

In conclusion, writing for me is a need and a want. I appreciate every one of you who takes the time to read my blogs, like, comment, and/or share. I don’t get paid to do this but I find a sense of belonging here more than I do with my friends and family. So thank you for being here with me on my rollercoaster journey, as I try to understand myself and as I reach out to you and try to give advice. I tear myself apart and bare my soul to you so you can understand yourselves better and hopefully help me understand myself better.

I write here because I need someone to write to, and in my life, I don’t have someone who will listen. Everyone is either busy or simply doesn’t care. I do have people who occasionally listen. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for the loved ones in my life, but they don’t read my blogs, so I very much appreciate that you do.

Thank you my readers from the US, India, UK, South Africa, Canada, and Lebanon.
Thank you my fellow bloggers who read the most. Thank you to those who read from Pinterest, Facebook, and Instagram, no matter how few you are.

When I 1st started my blogging journey, I never imagined I’d get here, and yet here I am, with so far more to go. I just wanted to stop and acknowledge the progress I’ve made as a writer and to thank you my readers because I couldn’t have don’t it without you. With all the reasons in which I write, you are one of them. I write for myself, but I also write for you.

I’m off to eat lunch and then draw superheroes for my son because that was the deal. He studies and I draw things for him.

He has me draw the ones that are too hard for him to draw. I drew the 1st row. He drew the 2nd row.
He drew his dad as a superhero as well.