Storytime: Learning how to rest

Hello and welcome to my blog! Happy Hump day! I’m really tired and in pain. How are you doing?

I’ve been feeling tired even after drinking coffee twice a day for a few days but I still pushed myself to be productive. My left foot has been hurting me for 3 weeks and I’ve been enduring the pain, even when I could barely walk.

Last night, my toes cramped up and I almost screamed in pain. I tried to massage them and help them relax but the spasm spread to the rest of my foot and up my shin.

I’ve been living with chronic pain for years. I have scoliosis and my neck and shoulders are often spasmed, sometimes my back. I get lower back pain because I have flat feet and I struggle not to walk like a penguin. I ripped the cartilage on both knees 9 years ago and when it’s cold, my knees hurt, or when I overwork myself. I have anxiety and when it flares up, the entire right side of my body spasms and I get burning muscle pain. On and off I get burning pain in my thighs and I must lie down until the pain subsides. I get migraines almost daily, sometimes so bad that my face becomes numb. I have a bloating problem that comes and goes and sometimes even gives me pain similar to that of a heart attack. I have a small hernia in my lower abdomen that flares up occasionally and causes me pain. The big toe on my left foot is crooked and I need an operation but can’t have one because it would hinder my movement and I have a 6 year old I need to take care of. A few years ago, I did an operation in my left foot and it still hasn’t fully healed. Doctors say it’ll always be like this, swelling and causing pain every once in a while (this is why my foot has been hurting for weeks) and 5 months ago, I went to the beach and was barefoot and something sharp went up the sole of my foot and it still hurts occasionally.

But last night, this was new. My toes have never cramped up before. I was really scared. After a few minutes, they relaxed and the cramping was replaced by burning pain from my toes to my knee.

So this morning when I woke up to my alarm at 8am, I wished I had let myself sleep in. I can see the signs of burnout emerging again. The cramping last night was definitely a warning sign. Right now both legs are burning in pain and I have lower back pain.

I’ve been trying too hard to be productive, but I’ve also been sitting too much binge watching (I finished season 5 gilmore girls last night). I haven’t been exercising daily and I think it’s because of the pain in my foot. However, when I don’t exercise, the spasms increase.

On Saturday, I went up and down 6 flights of stairs and took long walks. I think I shouldn’t have. Stairs are bad for my knees, says the doctor. Also, the special footwear I must put on outside only fits in my black shoes, so when I wear my navy blue shoes, my foot suffers (the one I did the operation in). I’ve been wearing the navy blue shoes for 2 weeks because it goes with my outfits better. I guess I’ll be switching to black shoes next time I’m out.

We’re in the middle of a pandemic, so I’m not really going out, but I took a walk yesterday and went nowhere and I visit my family once a week and my in laws once a week because even with the pandemic, we’re still seeing eachother, from a distance. As far as I know, most of them are not seeing other people.

Back to the point at hand, or shall I say at foot, I need to rest, so that is my focus for today. If you need me, I’ll be catching up on blogs and watching YouTube videos, except when I’m tending to my son’s wants and knees.

Any tips on how to rest when you have a 6 year old child?

I was only able to write this post because my son isn’t up yet. He’s not a handful, but he requires a lot of attention, being a lone child. I can’t relate because I have 7 siblings.

Are you a lone child or do you have siblings?

Update: I just woke my son up and now I wish I hadn’t. Send help.

Transformation Tuesday: What happened in March?

Hello and welcome to my blog! Today I’d like to do a wrap up on March 2021. I’ve never been one to keep up with the trends but the trends follow me on instagram and on the blog (which I read a week later anyway) so I feel I’d be a copycat to post about something just because everyone else did.

However, I’ll include these highlights, that my fellow bloggers talked about, in this post, as well as my highlights.

March 2nd 2020 I published my 1st book Motherhood in Poems

So March 2021 was the anniversary of my 1st book. I wrote a blog post about it.

March 8th was International Women’s day

International Women’s Day, also known as IWD for short, grew out of the labour movement to become a recognised annual event by the United Nations (UN). The seeds of it were planted in 1908, when 15,000 women marched through New York City demanding shorter working hours, better pay and the right to vote (source BBC).

March 11th was COVID-19 anniversary

On 11 March 2020, the World Health Organisation (WHO) declared the outbreak of a new type of Coronavirus, SARS-CoV-2, that causes COVID-19 respiratory disease, a global pandemic.

March 20th was the 1st day of spring

In Spring, flowers bloom.
Bears come out of their hibernation, and I come out of my depression.
Spring allergies are not fun, but they beat the winter flu.

March 21st was Mothers day in Lebanon (it’s May 10th in America)

To all the mammas out there, happy mothers day.

March 22nd was children’s day in Lebanon (it’s November 20th in America)

To all the parents out there, it’s childrens day! Hug your little ones extra longer and tell them how much you love them.

March 28th was daylight savings time

I actually love daylight savings time (the spring forward not the winter backwards). I feel like I have more time during the day to be productive, especially in the morning, unless I’m feeling down. In that case, the days are too long and the nights are too short.

As I wrap up March 2021 in a neat pink bow, I roll my sleeves up for April. But this isn’t just any April.

Ramadan is coming in 2 weeks!

This month is the holiest of all months in Islam, next to Dhil Hijja (the month of Hajj).

Why is this month so special? Read all about my last Ramadan here.

So instead of making daily and weekly goals for April like I’ve been doing every month since November 2020, I’m going to make Ramadan goals!

I already wrote a rough draft, downloaded some images from pinterest, printed out a Ramadan Activity book for my 6 year old son, and I’m so excited!

Can you tell I’m excited?

Let me know what milestones you reached in March.

Motivational Monday: Do more things that bring you joy

Hello and welcome to my blog! I’m one of those few people who love Mondays. They signify a new week and a new beginning, but I know that sometimes it’s hard to find the motivation to kickstart your week.

I usually start the week excited but my excitement plummets on Tuesday. I give myself a pep talk on Wednesday. On Thursday I can’t wait for the weekend. Friday is my only me day so obviously I love FriYays. Saturday is family day (my favorite day of the week) and Sunday is a cheap imitation of Saturday.

So for anyone who needs some Monday motivation, I found some spring themed motivation on Canva.

Bloom where you are planted
Despite the forecast, live like it’s spring. Make sure to find joy in the smallest of things in your life.
Spring will come and so will happiness. Hold on. Life will get warmer.

Also, a reminder in these difficult times to do more things that bring you joy.

Watch the sun go down. Do yoga. Watch your favorite tv show. Shower. Clean and tidy your surroundings. Read a chapter from a book. I did all these today and it did wonders for my mood. It’s 9pm and the battle of bedtime shall begin now. Wish me luck.

Update: My son went to bed at 10:15 but is still awake.

Self-reflection Sunday: Journal Therapy part 5

Hello and welcome to my blog! It’s been a rollercoaster day for me today. Physically my foot hurts, emotionally my patience has been tested a lot today by you know who 😉 and a close friend of my dad’s died today due to complications from COVID-19. I also finally went to the seaside today for literally 5 minutes after not being able to go for months due to lockdowns and bad weather. It was packed with people so I went near the water where very few people go. It was magical, but when I got home, I found out I had stepped in tar and it took forever to get it off my shoes.

I finally got to sit down and drink a hot beverage after such a long day, so it’s the perfect time to joirnal my self reflections before I begin the “brush your teeth and go to bed” battle. My son is also nagging me to get up and go to him but I’m not moving for the next 5 minutes

Today’s Self-reflection Journal Therapy prompt is:

Write the words you need to hear right now

Things will get better. Your feelings are valid. You’re not imagining things. You’re not overreacting. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. Let’s go out and have fun.

What are the three things that scare you the most and why?

Abandonment. I fear people leaving me because they think I’m too much to handle.

Loneliness. I fear that the hole in my heart will never be filled, no matter how many people I meet or how many things I do to make myself happy.

Growing old and senile. I fear becoming helpless and I fear other people making decisions for me about what suits them because I don’t want to be a burden on my loved ones but being in an elderly home may be lonely and scary in its own.

If I didn’t have (a particular challenge or pain) I would have never learned…

If I didn’t have a kid, I would have never learned how hard it is to be a parent.

I hope you liked these prompts.

Please like, comment your thoughts and share with your friends and family.

I did a 21 day happiness challenge

Hello and welcome to my blog! Yesterday I finished a 21 day happiness challenge and I’m telling you, I’m loving these challenges! They are really helping me with my self esteem and they are a creative way of self care for me.

💯 Recommended.

My 21 day happiness challenge

Day 1

Listen to your favorite song. I listened to “All night by R5”

A little bit of love will change your life
She said I’m outta my head, I’m going outta my mind
And when I’m out on the edge will you save me, save me
Can we live for the moment, can you live for tonight
Can we forget what was broken and say say say we’ll be
All right
‘Cause even if we change we’ll always be the same
All night
I promise if you stay we’ll never fade away
All night

All night by R5

Day 2

Spend less time on your phone.

I was doing the social media detox simultaneously so this wasn’t so hard.

Day 3


I was really struggling to motivate myself that day and this was the motivation I needed.

Day 4

Cook the dinner.

In Lebanon, lunch is dinner and dinner is lunch, so I made a peanut butter and chocolate spread sandwich.

Day 5

Hug someone you love.

This was harder than you’d think. I’m a hugger, but hello! We’re in the middle of a pandemic. I’m not seeing any friends and I’m not hugging any of my family, except for my husband and son who live with me. My husband was in a “don’t hug me” mood so I only got to hug my son.

Day 6

Watch a funny movie.

I did this on day 7 because day 6 my son was attached to my hip and the movie I wanted to watch was on my laptop and the speakers are ruined on my laptop so I had to use my earphones and it’s not good for kids to use earphones (so I’ve heard).

Day 7

Call a friend.

Done on day 14. I called a friend of mine who lives abroad and we talked for 2 hours! We hadn’t talked in 2 months!

Day 8

Dance like nobody’s watching.

I did this on day 9 because on day 8 I wasn’t able to. I danced to Boom Boom by Justice crew

Day 9

Go out into nature and be an explorer for a day.

I live in the city and the only park in my area is closed due to COVID-19, but on day 18, I took a walk with my son and looked at spring flowers.

Day 10

Buy a gift for someone you love.

I didn’t leave the house that day so I couldn’t do it, but I came back to it on day 21. I bought a toothbrush for my husband. I know that sounds like nothing, but gifts don’t have to be grand gestures. I saw he needed a new tooth brush and surprised him with it when he was out. I knew he would go ages with the old toothbrush if I didn’t.

Day 11

Try yoga.

I hadn’t done yoga in a while, but I did it that day. It felt good. I should do yoga more often.

Day 12

Go to bed and wake up early.

I went to bed at 10:30pm the night before (as opposed to my usual midnight sleeping) and I woke up at 8am (instead of 9am).

Day 13

Read something inspiring.

I read from chapter 4 of The 7 habits of highly effective people and also from What are you optimistic about about how technology is bringing people together through blogs.

Day 14

Meditate for 10 min.

Done. I’ve been meditating 3 times a week all month this month. Try Serenity app for free guided meditations.

Day 15

Plan a future vacation.

Does dreaming about going to Turkey and booking an airbnb count?

Day 16

Try a new recipe or cook your favorite meal.

I cooked one of my favorite meals, okra, on day 17.

Day 17

Watch the sunset.

I did this on day 18. It was windy and foggy and the sun was barely visible but I saw it. I also watch the sunset often but this was a good reminder as I don’t do it everyday.

Day 18

Connect with an old friend.

I didnt know who to talk to. Several university friends came to mind. I picked one of them and texted her. She texted back. It was nice.

Day 19

Tell people how much they mean to you.

I wrote a blog post to you, my readers.

Day 20

Try something new.

I made a business account on pinterest for my author page on Amazon. It’s still empty of pins though. I still have a lot of work to do.

Day 21

Go for a walk outside.

It was raining yesterday but I did it anyway. I went at a time that it wasn’t raining, but it was cold and windy. I basically went to the supermarket and back.

The whole point of this challenge was to do things that made me happy, by focusing on things within my circle of influence. Circumstances aren’t great in Lebanon at the moment, and as helpless as I feel towards the economic and political situation, I can’t let this all drag me down into depression.

I hope things get better soon in Lebanon and in the whole world. So many other countries are struggling with poverty and war and famine and other things. I hope to be the change I wish to see in the world and I can’t be that change if I’m drowning in depression.

To do this challenge, go to:

Poetry Friday: Peace of mind

I’m always wondering about tomorrow

Or I’m hung up on yesterday

Give me peace of mind to borrow

So I can enjoy my today

I’ve always been a bit erratic*

But quarantine has got me bad

I have some days where I’m ecstatic**

And other days where I’m just sad

I get these thoughts, I’m sure they’re crazy

But they make me feel so down

It’s like people are out to haze me

Or they’re trying to drive me mad

Does it say I am a doormat?

On my forehead all in caps***

Did someone tape when I wasn’t looking

A kick me sign on my back?

They say you attract

What you think about

And my mind has been full

Of negative thoughts on redbull

So if this is a test

I will try to manifest

Inner peace and harmony

These thoughts won’t get the best of me

I will quit the attitude

Send a message of gratitude

Out in the open

It’ll come back in magnitude

I will live in the moment

And focus on my goals

My fears and insecurities

Will hold me back no more

Today I’ll find

A peace of mind

Despite the chaos around me

My peace will be restored

*erratic means unsteady, random; prone to unexpected changes; not consistent

**ecstatic means extremely happy

***caps means caps lock, as in UPPERCASE LETTERS for emphasis

Throwback Thursday: When can you say “I have succeeded”?

Hello and welcome to my blog! Exactly a year from today, I posted 3 posts:

A dozen questions because why not?

When can you say “I have succeeded”?

The past: A poem

It was at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic and I was in thriving mode, publishing books, writing 3 blogs a day. It was how I coped with all the negative news and the quarantine while I tried to process everything. I was very self reflective then. A year later and I think I’ve exhausted my self-reflection capacity and I’m just trying to live in the moment. Nevertheless, I was intrigued by my post about success (when I go back to my blog posts, sometimes it feels like I wrote them in another lifetime). I reread it to see if my idea of success has changed during the past year.

Here is what I wrote about success a year ago:

Oh success, what a magician! You illude us with your tricks and send us hints that you are in fact the rabbit in the hat, when there was no rabbit to begin with. You make us believe there is a flag on the summit of that mountain, but when we reach the top, you tell us it is in fact not this mountain but the one after it. So we venture off to the next mountain, only to find out that we have been tricked again.
The truth is, we have not been tricked, but sucess is a moving target.

When we set goals and make plans, we must break them down into smaller achievable bits. This applies to any goal.

If you want to run a marathon, but you have never run a day in your life. You must start somewhere. Say you take a walk around your block. When that gets easy, you go to the park. Next you start running short distances. You adjust your sleep and diet to fit your running schedule. A year goes by and you’re running a half marathon. The next year, hopefully, a marathon.

Another example. You want to be a best selling author. You can’t get to that point if you have never written a word in your life. Okay so you wrote a book, but nobody has even seen it. If you can’t deal with rejection, then you can’t be a writer. Half of writing is writing from your heart, the other half is writing what your audience want.

So you practice, keep writing, make a blog, find out what people want you to talk about and focus your blogs on that. When you get to the level of confidence where you’re getting enough positive feedback to believe you can actually publish a book. So you start preparing. When you finally publish your book, you get that thrill that book is out there. Days go by, though, and nobody buys your book. You start to feel devastated. Then someone buys your book. You feel that thrill again, but soon it fades away. Selling one book doesn’t make me an author, you tell yourself.

The question is: at what point do you think it’s okay to say “i succeeded” and to feel successful?

Personally, i think, never. Maybe because I’m a perfectionist. When it comes to me, i celebrate my small successes, but i keep my vision in mind, my big goal, the master plan, and i keep working towards it. I feel if i were to get comfortable in one of my small victories (which is huge because I have achieved what I have only dreamed of before but never thought possible) I wouldn’t work as hard to get where I want to be.
So celebrate the milestones, but keep working towards your dream. You are successful as long as you are working towards your dream.

I believe my view of success is still the same, but also, in today’s circumstances, especially in Lebanon, I try not to be too hard on myself to always thrive. Some days I’m strictly on survival mode. Other days I push myself to keep moving, and some days, I thrive and shine.

What are your thoughts on success?

Thank you for following my blog

Hello and welcome to my blog! I just reached 400 followers on wordpress. I wish there was a wordpress achievement star for that. There was one for when I reached 200 followers. I’m a sucker for those kind of stuff.

I’m not posting this to toot my own horn. I’m aware that many bloggers have much more followers than I do, and some have far less.

I’m posting this to say thank you. It means a lot to me, every view, every like, every comment, every follow.

I try to keep up with reading blogs of those I follow, but I’m currently 10 days behind. I binge read when I can and sometimes it’s a lot to take in because I like to read and reflect. Sometimes I have a migraine or I’m too tired or busy or my son is too clingy and I can’t read, so I know that sometimes it’s an effort to read blogs sometimes, especially if you’re a parent, or if you have a full time job, or both.

I also recently started converting my blogs into podcast episodes, and I appreciate everyone who takes the time to listen. It means a lot.

I also recently published my 8th book on Amazon. I appreciate everyone who checked it out.

I just updated my author bio on Amazon. You can find all by books now here.