The perfect man

To all the girls out there, looking for the perfect man…
Word of advice from a happily married woman. Stop looking!
They say if you’re looking for something too hard, chances are you’re never gonna find it. Same thing as thinking…if you think too hard, you dont get creative ideas, thoughts and solutions.
Girls girls girls, you’re looking for the wrong thing in a perfect man.
The perfect man isn’t the one with the flawless body, or the photogenic face, or the countless money, or the sophisticated social status, …etc.
The perfect man isn’t the one who always does the right thing, or always knows what to say.
The perfect man is the one that makes you laugh, or teases you so he can make you smile again.
The perfect man is the one that is as addicted to you as you are, if not more.
The one who is responsible, dependable, tough on the world but gentle on you..the one who you can fight with and make up with a few minutes later…the one you try to be mad at when he teases you but can’t stop smiling cz he is too cute you cant resist…the one who is there at the end of the day to listen to the details of what you did, no matter how bored or tired he is…
The perfect man isn’t perfect…he is the man who makes you feel perfect.
To all the girls out there looking for the perfect man, he’s out there…but stop looking, cz he will find you, and trust me…when he does, you will know…
I have seen more romantic movies than I can count, and they all have this ideal picture of love…but love isn’t ideal…it’s an adventure. You laugh and you cry, sometimes you wonder why, but at the end of the day, you feel like a rock star, cool but on fire…and you don’t wanna be anywhere else than cuddling with him…listening to his heart beat…and feeling yours pound.
Don’t ever feel that you don’t deserve love…or that you’ll never be enough…because somewhere…sometime…someone thinks you’re perfect…just the way you are.

How do you spend quality time with your child?

Spending quality time with your child.
Sometimes it is making complex games that take a lot of preparation and exert a lot of stress on the parent, like painting or anythings arts and crafts.
Sometimes it is as simple as taking funny selfies together or sitting down with them while they play make believe.
There are so many activities you can do with your child to bond, but there are rules that go with engaging in these activities:

Rule #1: You must choose an activity that both you and your child like. If you can’t stand sitting on the floor with your child, don’t force yourself to do it. If your child doesn’t feel like doing worksheets or color, don’t force them.

Rule #2: You must make sure your child isn’t tired or hungry before you begin. Children get cranky when they are hungry because of low blood sugar. They also don’t feel like playing when they want to sleep, just like us. So feed them 1st,and if possible, give them a nap. If it is 5pm and a nap is out of the question, give them the ipad. Let them watch cartoons or play games. Children are allowed up to 2 hours of screentime a day.

Rule #3: You must have a boat load of patience because otherwise it will end up in tears for you both. If you’re a stickler for the rules, it is important that you don’t cross the line between teaching your child how to follow directions, and turning into a control freak and sucking the fun out of the game.

Rule #4: Put your phone away. It is ok to take a picture or two in the middle of the playing. But contantly shoving the camera in the child’s face, trying to find the perfect pose, or totally ignoring your child while you scroll on instagram, make it as if you didn’t spend any quality time with your child. You must be fully present and engaged with your child in order to bond.

It is really important to spend quality time with your child, even if it’s just for 10 minutes a day.
Children need to feel loved and cared for. They seek attention and acceptance and it is us parents who need to give them that, without judging or shaming.

How do you spend quality time with your child?

One day i will write a book… Until then here is this song

I always read
Love yourself
Be yourself
So how hard can it be?

I only know how to be myself
I donno how to be anybody else
I’m still learning how to love myself
Learning how to deal with everybody else

Cz i grew up tryna fit in
But i always felt left out
Once in a while i would give in
And try to change so i’m not left out

But then i’d look at my reflection in the mirror
And i would know that i’d lost myself
So i’d set off on a journey where i dig deeper
And i don’t come back until i find myself

Everybody is a work in progress
Only few are tryna keep it real
Some people know to trust the process
And it is those who gimme all the feels

I got all these thoughts in my head
And i toss n turn all night in my bed
I’m not sad; i’m not depressed
I just think too much
And feel too deep
I’m sensitive to touch
It’s a struggle to sleep

Every night when the moon shows up
My attitude starts to switch up
The hustlin’ mamma ’bout to give up
Turns into a hero wanna save the world
All the drama in my head is made up
I still got the heart of a little girl

I’ m like that girl in the painting
You know the one starin’ at the sea?
Watching the tide come and go and
Wonderin’ who she’ s meant to be

I got the mind of a writer
So much imagination and fantasy
I got the heart of a poet
I wear my emotions on my sleeve

One day i’ll write a book about it
But everyday i say someday
Too much responsibility i find it
Hard to make up my mind today
So until i find the courage to pursue it
I will think about it all night
And sing about it all day

Who is in control?

I made a decision today.
Im scared.
I’m nervous.
I have to keep reminding myself that this is just my anxiety kicking in.
There is no real threat.
Just personal growth.
I have decided to take control of my life.
People treat you the way you allow them to.
And in my household, where i’m supposed to be treated like a queen, i’m treated like a servant.
My son sleeps in my bed, on my pillow.
I asked for my pillow last night and for permission to sleep on my bed with him on it.
My 4 year old, mind you, said:
“You can sleep on this bed, but not next to dad. And I get your pillow bcz it is more comfortable!”
Sounds cute at 1st when your kid has a smart mouth, until you realize that you are not in control of your life. He is!
My son sits at MY seat at the table, ever since he turned 2. He demanded my seat and was given it, just so he wouldn’t start a tantrum. Fast forward 2 years later and i’m still sitting at the uncomfortable edge of the table while my husband and 4 year old son are comfortable in their seats.
How did i allow this to happen?
I think when i thought moms were “supposed” to sacrifice everything for their kids and be “selfless”, i voluntarily gave up my title as the queen of the household and allowed my son to believe i was there to serve him.
I will not list further examples.
I will not wallow in self guilt.
I will take back control of my life.
I will take back my title as “queen” one step at a time.
Step 1: i took my pillow back while my son was sleeping. He is still in my bed. Im still in his bed. But im sleeping on MY pillow.
Tomorrow he will probably notice and will probably throw a tantrum and i will brace myself.
FYI my son is a very strong willed child and we have power struggles all the time and i guess my social anxiety, low self esteem, conflict avoider self decided it was best to give in to his demands.
Now i see that if i stay on the same path, my son will end up controlling me, and nobody likes to be controlled.

Am i settling for this life?

Where do we draw the line between giving our all and giving up? when do we get to decide if we are living a good life or if we are settling?
I hear a lot of talk about following your passion and following your dreams, but there’s a lot of contradiction in my thoughts and my feelings. I get my priorities messed up a lot of times because, you see, as a Muslim, my top priority is supposed to be pleasing God. There are some things that I need to do in order to please God and I need to dedicate my time and energy doing these certain things so that anything I do in life, I need to think between me, myself and I if that will serve me in the hereafter as a Muslim. It’s really difficult sometimes knowing if what I desire as a worldly desire is a waste of my time and energy and what is ok to pursue even if it’s a worldly desire, like a hobby, as long as it doesn’t distract me from my greater purpose, which is being a good Muslim. In order to be a good Muslim, I have to dedicate some time and energy into doing good deeds, like reading quraan and praying and doing things to get closer to God. I have some things that I like to do, nothing that’s particularly against Islam, but there are some things that if I pursue them, they need a lot of time and energy, and part of me says that I need to pursue them so that I could be following my passion and the other part says no! If I pursue this, then it will distract me from my goal, that i should be dedicated to reviewing quraan and raising my son and reading things that will help me in my parenting, help me become a better mom, help me become a better Muslim, like watching Islamic videos on YouTube or listening to podcasts. Everything I do is supposed to bring me closer to my goal to go to Jannah, to go to heaven, but I have these worldly desires. I don’t really care about gold and silver or becoming rich and famous but I like to motivate and inspire and as part of me wants to be known as an inspiring person but I need to always keep in mind that even when I’m trying to be an inspiration, I shouldn’t be doing so for worldly reasons. I should be doing so to help me get closer to god and help spread his word and that’s what i should be motivating others to do, but sometimes I get obsessed with the idea that I want to spread my story. I want to leave a mark in the world. I want to be remembered when I go but all that shouldn’t really matter because what should really matter is being a good Muslim, but being a good Muslim doesn’t mean living in a cave or even recoiling upon myself and not doing anything that has to do with the world and not interacting with people. I need to be a human being as well so it is so confusing sometimes and I still don’t have the answer. Sometimes it’s clear to me, other times it’s not, sometimes I feel like I’m dedicating myself to to God and anything I do is for the purpose of getting closer to god and sometimes I feel like I am missing out on life. It’s really confusing sometimes. I really feel like I am settling for the life that I have but then I know that if I am to pursue the things that I want to pursue, the worldly things like publishing a book and travelling around the world, that would distract me from the greater goal i have of being a good muslim role model to my son and helping my husband and family become better muslims.

What is your dream? What do you want more than anything in the world?

I have a dream
But i have fear
Afraid it may come true
Cz then it will be hard
Afraid it won’t too
So i’m wishin at the stars

And in the night when people sleep
I just lay down and think
Of all the possibilities
Till i exhaust myself to sleep

During the day i get busy
Don’t have time to get worried
Im taken by the moment
Im livin in each moment

But when the night falls down
I see the shadows lurking by
When the world slows down
I see their devilish smiles

Now’s the time to drive her insane
I hear them whispering my name
The what if’s thrown at me like confetti
Can’t block the thoughts cz they won’t let me

I try to acknoledge how i feel
I try to realize that they’re not real
But they materialize inside my mind
All the hurtful memories they can find

It’s like my brain is an attic
And it’s full of random stuff
And every night they open the boxes
Until my brain’s had enough

Power struggles

Marwan bit me today. He sunk his teeth into my arm bcz i was putting his pants on and he wished to remain pantless. After trying to convince him to put his pants on so that he doesnt get cold and sick, i decided to put them on him. He started kicking and screaming, but with my exhausted sick body and brain that was trying to get iftar ready on time, i wasnt able to reason with him further. So he kept pushing and i kept trying to yank the pants onto him. So he simply sank his teeth into my arm. I screamed in pain and he still wouldnt stop. So i pulled his head off me while squeezing on his neck. He was about to strike again but i hit 1st. I smacked his face and accidently hit his ear (bad move) and then i continued to yell at him and retaliated to the kitchen. He followed me, with a toy he intended to throw at me, but i said “dont u dare” so he didnt. He knows i meant bussiness. I asked him to leave the kitchen after yelling at him and calling him names. He wouldnt leave. After 2 minutes, i managed to calm down and sit to his level. I called him to sit on my lap and he did. I told him i loved him more than anything. Then i asked him if his ear hurt. He said yes. I apologized for hurting his ear, then explained that my arm hurt just as much and it was his turn to apologize. He didnt. He hugged and kissed me, though, and i acknoledged that apologizing was difficult for him. We decided to put the incident behind us on the condition that he never bites me again. This is an examples of one of the down moments of parenting i have frequently with marwan. Do u think i handled it well? (aside from smacking him cz i know that was impulsive and wrong)

What is happiness?

Creatures of the night
Staring right at me
Should i show my fright?
Or fake some bravery?

Cz im tired of putting on a front
Sometimes i wish i could break down
Make a big deal dramatic show
Shut everyone out then shut down

I wish i could just run away
Fly away
Car, bus, airplane
It doesnt matter anyway
Cz that’s not freedom

Freedom isn’t doing what you want
It’s being able to choose
And in every walk of life
You always have a choice
You can either run away
Or you can choose to grow

My whole life i
Craved to find happiness
I thought that i’d
Find it with this
Or that
Everything i wanted was that
Just the thing that i needed
My missing puzzle piece
When i found “the one”
I was bound to be happy
But then i wanted a son
Thinking then id be happy
Ok maybe if i had a job
Or maybe another child
Or maybe if i travelled
Well i did that three times

But everywhere i went there were complications
I just couldnt find the mirage i was chasing
Everytime i thought “eureka” it faded
Then i stopped chasing

Cz i realized that happiness is a moment
When you give birth, when you graduate
When someone tells you they apreciate
Everything you do, it lights up your face

Ok stop! Now think about it
We’re chasing fleeting moments
Instead of trying to enjoy it

But with an attitude
Of gratitude
We can reach the contentment platitude

And with faith and hope
We can reach inner peace
We can learn to let go
Of our doubts and fears

Stop chasing success
Thinking money buys happiness
Health is the true wealth
Your body, you gotta take care of it

Stop looking at what everybody else has
And enjoy all your blessings
And don’t forget to give thanks
To the one who gave you everything

If you let his love flow through you
Life will make so much more sense
And happiness will never lose you
And you won’t have to pretend

Bcz even in moments of despair
Even when you’re gasping for air
Even when you can’t seem to achieve your goal
Even when you seem to forget your role

You can surrender yourself to Him
Ask for guidance from Him
Ask for strength from Him
Ask and you shall recieve from Him

What is your goal in life?

I just live my life
I don’t flaunt it
They see what i got
Now they want it

We live in a narcissistic society
Where we feel the need to highlight our lives
On a platform with an audience
Just to show we got a good life

Everywhere we go
We gotta check in
Post it with a #blessed then
We complain to no end

We wanna go places just to show the haters
That we’re livin our life, that we’re greater
Then we ignore our families later
Just as long as we got the nice picture

There is nothing that i love more
Than spending time with people who
Make me forget about my phone
Those who make me feel like home

I love to photograph the memories
Cz im scared that i may forget
But if i focus on my phone more than what’s in front of me
I’m afraid i may have regrets

When i’m stressed and i’m sad
It is good to look back
And say “oh remember when”
But im learning to let my heart and my eyes
Capture the moments and keep them alive
For when i need them

Cz sometimes life knocks me over
And sometimes i feel too weak
But in moments like this i turn over
To God the almighty

I used to be
The type who overshared
And then i realized
That nobody cares
I used to be
With those who thought the grass
Was greener on the other side
And then i realized
That maybe i wasn’t taking care of mine

So now my sole goal is inspiration
To inspire and be inspired
By everyone and everything around me
Then spread my wisdom like wildfire

Fairytales: For children or not?

Do you read fairytales to your children?
I started to, a while ago, only to discover that these stories are not appropriate for 4 year olds.
1st of all, my son has a big imagination.
He has been too scared to sleep in his bed for months because some kid in his class (who obviously watched Toy Story) told him that toys come alive when we go to bed.
The other day i mentioned to him that lions ate zebras and he replied:
“No! Lions eat meat (because that’s what i taught him) and Zebras are animals. They are not food.”
Back to fairytales. You all know the classic Disney stories: The Jungle Book, Mulan, Bambi, Dumbo, Pinochio,…
And other classic fairytales we all read  as kids: Little Red Riding Hood, Hanzel and Gretel,…
So in one version of Little Red Riding Hood, the wolf eats both the grandma and the girl, and the hunter happens to pass by and see the wolf in the grandmas bed, so he cuts his stomach open and frees the grandma and girl and fills the wolfs stomach with stones. In another version, the wolf eats the grandma but the hunter shows up just in time to shoot the wolf and kill him. When i told both versions to my son, i had to edit them and say that the grandma and girl locked themselves in the closet so the wolf couldnt get to them, and then the hunter showed up and scared the wolf off who ran away.
I also began to read Pinochio to my son but my husband didnt like the idea of them encouraging kids to “sell their books and join the circus” which is what Pinochio did, so i didnt even get to the part where Pinochio and his fake dad got eaten by a whale.
Today i was reading Bambi. I just mentioned that Bambi’s mom was killed and he goes “i think Bambi and his dad should go look for her” and i immediately said “yeah she is probably asleep somewhere”. What was i supposed to say? And then he couldnt grasp the idea that Bambi became a man and fell in love and had 2 fawns.
I mean are these seriously children’s books?! How did we read these and turn out ok? I know i can’t shield my son from everything but in this time and age, i feel the need to be overprotective over my child. With everything on tv condoning violence, i thought we had it better. Apparently they just have it more visual now.
Am i being overprotective?
Am i freaking out over nothing?
I don’t know. But for the next year, i’m going to keep on editing fairytales so as not to give my son nightmares.