Hello and welcome to my blog! June has been a rollercoaster month for me, in terms of everything. However, as I choose to focus on the good things, such as my son graduating from kindergarten, I’ll ignore the fluctuating stats and that June stats are lower than May stats, and I’ll focus instead on the top 5 posts this month (most viewed).
That’s what my 5-year-old son announced to me the other day, and when I asked him why he said “because I don’t want my teeth to start falling”.
He is now six and has lost 2 teeth and was very excited to lose more but for some reason never did.
It fascinates me and freaks me out that my son is thinking a lot about his future. He wants to be a policeman (I hope he changes his mind) and he tells me to keep the clothes that are small on him for his kids. He wonders what being an adult is like, and when he asks too many questions, I tell him “just think about reaching 6 years old. Eat, sleep, and pray, and don’t think about anything else”.
He currently wants to be a zookeeper but for dinosaurs. He isn’t convinced they are extinct.
The reason why I say this is because my son worries so much about the future, I feel like he is missing out on the now. Where have the times gone when our kids could just play freely without worrying what job they’re going to have and how they’re going to get enough money to feed a family?
I’ve been worrying about the future a lot lately. The future seems bleak, especially in Lebanon. But that’s my job, to worry. My son’s job is to have fun and be carefree.
Two things come to mind when I think about this situation:
The 1st is a poem I adore “I want to be six again”.
I want to be six again. I want to go to McDonald’s and think it’s the best place in the world to eat. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make waves with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money ’cause you can eat them. I want to play kickball during recess.
My son doesn’t want to turn six because he is afraid of his teeth falling. I think this whole not going to school is taking a toll on him. He is spending a lot of time with a parent who has anxiety and another who is constantly worried and deep in thought. It’s hard to be carefree when the overall mood is as if someone died.
The mood is still the same most of the time. I tend to hide from my family to be on my phone peacefully. The difference is I think I have a better grip on my mental health than I did last year.
I feel like I lost my smile. I used to be so perky and joyful. The book I just finished reading had a father who was too carefree, bordering on carelessness. There was a mom who was always worried about what might go wrong, so uptight and busy and tired all the time. It’s sad but I saw myself in her. Then there was the grandma, who was a ray of sunshine. I saw my late grandma in her, may she rest in peace.
I’m currently reading 100 simple secrets of happiness, but it’s taking me forever because the one I have was translated into Arabic.
I played scrabble and uno yesterday, but even while playing, I noticed I’m somewhat on edge and serious. I’ll try to loosen up more, for the sake of my son. He seems to be freaking out all the time lately, worried and scared. I wish I could distance him from me and get him in contact with a happy soul. I’m not in despair, but I feel not so optimistic, and somewhat numb.
We played monopoly yesterday. My son has been occupied with arts and crafts for hours lately, but once he gets bored, he becomes very annoying. I’m trying not to get annoyed by him, but to be mindful instead.
Another thing that comes to mind is a poem I wrote a long time ago. I think I called it “Give me the heart of a child”.
So I spend my days writing to-do lists, seeing family, doing some housework, procrastinating other housework, watching The Vampire Diaries, sometimes exercising, sometimes reading. I’m practicing The art of getting by. If you didn’t watch the movie, you should. I think there’s a book too, but I haven’t read it.
Last night, my son was really worried he’d be bit by a mosquito in his sleep. He was terrified. I told him “You need to have faith that God will protect you and that nothing can harm you unless God wills it to”. Maybe I should internalize my advice. I’m good at giving advice but terrible at following my own words.
Are you worried about the future?What are you doing to cope?
A strategy I use when I’m worried about something. The 1st part is to imagine the worst-case scenario, then make a plan on what you will do if the worst were to occur. Finally, imagine the best case scenario and hope for that.
I write to-do lists to motivate myself to be productive. Otherwise, I give in to laziness and depression. I get anxious if I don’t write what I need to do because as a stay-at-home mom, I have a lot to do. Some people may think I just sit around and do nothing, and even though I do waste my time binge-watching sometimes, but I do get a lot done in a day. Maybe not as much compared to those housewives who cook and clean all day, but my productivity is about balance. For example, today I exercised and read Quran and prayed, and made sure my son studied. I did the dishes and laundry, watched 1 1/2 episodes of The Good Doctor, and did other little things, like making the beds and tidied up, and listened to my son, and assessed my goals for last week (something I usually do on Monday).
I write my goals to keep myself focused. Otherwise, I’ll just wander through the day passing the time. Besides being a mother and a housewife, I consider my writing my job. I take it very seriously, but I don’t force myself to do it. Yesterday I didn’t feel like writing, so I didn’t. I was in a mood all day because I hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before, and I was also trying to be productive while spending less time on my phone (I’m currently doing a productivity challenge on the 21 days challenges app).
I’m also doing a journaling challenge on the app because I need to self-reflect as well. I write to let things out, but I can’t write well if I don’t know what it is exactly what I need to let out. I called my mom yesterday. My relationship with my mom isn’t one I write about on the blog, but it is a bit complex. I love my mom. I do, but I’m still working on accepting her as she is and not expecting her to be like other moms, all while trying not to be like her while finding out I’m more like her than I care to admit. As I said, it’s complicated. Watching tv shows helps me self-reflect because I observe social interactions between the characters.
I write blogs to let my thoughts and feelings out. I’ve learned the hard way that nobody cares. Rarely anyone ever wants to know how my day went, except for my older sister sometimes. I share big stories that happened during the week with my family on Saturday, like when the glass fell on my arm and bruised it a week ago, and they make good stories. I’m good at telling a story with my family, as long as it doesn’t involve deep conversation. I find strangers are more invested in how I feel than my family, and can relate more.
I write my goals and tasks so that I don’t forget.
I write about my thoughts and feelings so I don’t ruminate over them. The blog is like a brain dump for me sometimes. If you ask me to reference my blogs, I honestly can’t remember. I edited a few blogs from 2017 a few days ago, because back then I used to write one paragraph and I made many grammatical mistakes.
I started this post aiming to write my progress with my goals, but I guess I’ll just take a picture of my assessment instead, like I did last week.
I keep obsessing over my stats. On the one hand, I noticed most people aren’t getting past my home page lately, which to me is bad. On the other hand, I have more views in these 6 months of 2021 than I had in all of 2020. Just a tiny bit more but still, it feels good.
Also, I’m starving. I had a bowl of coco pops at 9 am and it’s after 1 pm. I also really need social connection but I also don’t feel like talking to anyone. Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy today. However, my son is starting to get bored, and he has been mouthy with me lately, but I don’t want to expose him on the blog. I’m hoping I’m able to deal with him with wisdom. For the time being, I’m practicing patience.
In conclusion, writing for me is a need and a want. I appreciate every one of you who takes the time to read my blogs, like, comment, and/or share. I don’t get paid to do this but I find a sense of belonging here more than I do with my friends and family. So thank you for being here with me on my rollercoaster journey, as I try to understand myself and as I reach out to you and try to give advice. I tear myself apart and bare my soul to you so you can understand yourselves better and hopefully help me understand myself better.
I write here because I need someone to write to, and in my life, I don’t have someone who will listen. Everyone is either busy or simply doesn’t care. I do have people who occasionally listen. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for the loved ones in my life, but they don’t read my blogs, so I very much appreciate that you do.
When I 1st started my blogging journey, I never imagined I’d get here, and yet here I am, with so far more to go. I just wanted to stop and acknowledge the progress I’ve made as a writer and to thank you my readers because I couldn’t have don’t it without you. With all the reasons in which I write, you are one of them. I write for myself, but I also write for you.
I’m off to eat lunch and then draw superheroes for my son because that was the deal. He studies and I draw things for him.
Silwan territory is located in Jerusalem, south of Al-Aqsa Mosque. Silwan includes 12 neighborhoods, where a total 15762 residents of 6 neighborhoods of Silwan are endangered with eviction. Note: Al-Bustan is one of Silwan’s neighborhoods Silwan is subjected to forced displacement, ethnic cleansing, and a blurring of identity.. all lead primarily by “Ateret Cohanim” and […]
Just a reminder that the terror against Palestine continues, and though I can’t do anything about it, I can at least educate myself and raise awareness. Follow my fellow blogger and friend J city for more information about Palestine.
Hello and welcome to my blog! Have you ever noticed the sound water makes when it boils? Yesterday, I taught my son how to know when the water on the stove boils just by listening. He was mind blown. It’s the little things.
We are going through tough times, at least here in Lebanon and many other countries. Some people are thriving, but everybody has problems, even the rich and famous. The trick to getting through life with optimism is to focus on little things that help you look on the bright side.
Here are 21 little things you can do to be more optimistic:
1. Start journaling. Write down something positive about every day. I haven’t done this but during the day, I slow down and register the positive things, like a nice breeze coming from the window, or my husband and son bonding, or my son playing pretend with the cardboard superheroes I drew and he colored and cut. It’s probably better to write them down, though.
2. Appreciate what you do have. Tell your loved ones how much you appreciate them. I feel so grateful to have my husband and son in my life, and I constantly tell them that. Every once in a while, I let my siblings and parents know I appreciate them too.
3. Be kind to yourself always. Remember you can do anything and that progress takes time. Don’t be so hard on yourself for losing your patience, for procrastinating, for wanting to stay in bed all day. We all have good days and bad days. On your good days, thrive. On your bad days, if all you do is survive, you did well.
4. Make a list of things that you are looking forward to. My author copies arriving. The possibility of going to the beach. Finishing reading all the 9 books I’m in the middle of reading.
5. Think of all the reasons to be cheerful. The sun is shining and so are you. It’s a very uplifting song.
6. Don’t compare yourself to others. If you’re feeling envious about something, sit back and think about why and how they’ve achieved that. You are unique in your own way and you can achieve anything you set your mind to.
7. Take time to reflect on what you’ve achieved this year. We’re always in a rush, absorbed by the daily hustle, that we forget to look back every once in a while and see how far we have come. Emotionally, I may have matured only 1%, but I’ve come a long way with my blogs and books this year. I even have a podcast now. I still have a long way to go, and sometimes it seems daunting and far fetched, but looking back gives me the courage to keep moving forward.
8. Look for the good in every single person you see. Humans are a mix of good and bad. Some people have a hard shell but are very sweet on the inside, once you break through their walls of fear, insecurity and shame. Choose to see the good in people, even those who seem unbearable at first.
9. Listen to inspiring music or a podcast. I listen to uplifting songs every once in a while. They really help when I’m feeling down. Songs like “don’t be so hard on yourself” and “fight song”. I also listen to podcasts, such as “the happy times”, “pick the brain”, ” kaylns coffee talk” and “the science of happiness” podcasts.
10. Write down your top priorities and plans for the future knowing that you will achieve everything you want. The key is to plan your future, knowing it will come true. Not as if you are making castles in the sand, knowing the waves will just come and wash them away.
11. Stay present and appreciate the beauty of the moment. (Feeling the sun in your face, details in someone’s face, the clouds, sounds, …) Especially when you are feeling overwhelmed or depressed, be mindful of these tiny moments.
12. Be proud of yourself on the little wins in your day to day. So you’re not feeling very productive today?! Go small. Get up. Make your bed. Grab a cup of coffee. Today I don’t feel like getting out of bed. I’m tired and in pain and my mood is off, but I got up in order to wake my son and get him to eat breakfast, and that was my 1st win of the day. Then I ironed (a tedious task) and kick started my day. My to do list is a bit demanding today but I’m sure if I go step by step, I can turn my day around.
13. Shift your mood by doing something you enjoy. I watched a YouTube video while I was ironing. Then I had to turn my headphones off because my son was awake.
14. For an upcoming situation you’re worried about, write down the best scenario that can happen. I’m worried about the future of Lebanon. There doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m torn between living it up because I don’t know what the future can bring and living carefully and saving up in case there are worse days ahead. The best-case scenario is that things turn around for Lebanon within the next few years.
15. Focus on solutions, not problems. It’s so easy to get caught up in your problems and playing the victim and feeling helpless, but it gives hope to try to find solutions to whatever irks you.
16. Let go of the expectations of others and focus on what matters. It is so easy to get lost in the expectations of our loved ones, so much so that their voices become our inner critic, and their opinions become our convictions. It’s important to find your voice and tune out most of the noise.
17. Surround yourself with optimistic, positive, kind people. There is a saying that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. In my case, they’re 2 people, but their moods and behaviors have a great impact on me. That’s why I read a lot of positive content online, to try to make up for my lack of a social life.
18. Change ‘I can’t’ into ‘I can’t…yet’. The power of yet is so strong that a book was written about it. I’m YET to read that book (see what I did there?).
19. Take care of yourself. When we feel our best, we can see things more positively. Shower, sleep early, dress up, rest, exercise, eat healthy. I get so focused on getting my son to do all this, I forget about myself most of the time.
20. If you’re not happy with something don’t complain about it. Just change it. Complaining doesn’t yield any positive results. It just sucks you into a vortex of negativity and despair. I know because I tend to complain a lot, but I’m working on changing what I can and letting the rest go.
21. Find three good reasons to be hopeful about the future. My son (I want to see him turn into a young man), my books (I want to keep writing, keep improving, and see my books being bought and hope I make a positive impact on people through my books), and friends (I’m hoping as covid dies down and the economy gets better, I get to hang out with my friends again and go places; maybe even travel).
Hello and welcome to my blog! I am a very nostalgic person. I often go back to old pictures and videos, reminisce about the old days (before I got married) and so throwback Thursday suits me perfectly. I have too many blogs to go through all of them (767 and counting), but it’s nice to see what was on my mind exactly a year ago.
On June 10th 2020, I wrote about racism:
Disclaimer: I was very reluctant to talk about this because as a white person, I didn’t think I had any knowledge of racism, but a lot goes unnoticed when you don’t pay attention.
Close your eyes and put your hand over your heart. What do you hear? A heartbeat. I bet you if a Caucasian or an Asian or an African closed their eyes and put their hand over their heart, they would hear the same thing. A heartbeat.
We all have the same internal organs. We all feel the same range of emotions. Happiness, sadness, fear, anger,… Love. So why are some people treated with more preference over others?
You see… Racism is a tale as old as time. When the Pharaohs were still around, there were kings and there were slaves. There was a hierarchy in the society, and if you were born a slave, you remained so all your life. That is racism based on social status.
Around the time of the prophet Mohammed PBUH, there was slavery. The prophet banned slavery and made it clear in Quranic verses and hadiths that no white man is better than a black man except by piety.
I don’t know how to address this. I don’t live in America, but I have been bullied in Lebanon because I’m half American. Some Lebanese are racist and hate Americans and think that Lebanese are smart and Americans are stupid. They pride themselves on their attributes and think of Americans as selfish and ignorant. I said some. The thing is when you don’t know someone, and you make snap judgments about them, you come to hate them and your mind wards off any evidence contrary to your fixed belief.
The same applies when you believe all African Americans are drug dealers, or all Asians are whatever stereotype Asians are given, or all Italians as mobsters, or all Muslims or Arabs as terrorists, that’s racism. You are judging an entire race by the actions of a few. There are American terrorists. There are French mobsters. There are Swedish drug dealers. Maybe. I don’t know. My point is corrupt people come in all ethnicities and colors, and so do kind good honest people.
We should treat people based on how they treat us, not by the color of their skin. Another thing I noticed while living in Lebanon, is that the only dark brown people I’ve ever seen were Ethiopian maids. I do not know Ethiopia, but this made me believe that maybe it’s such a poor country that women are forced to leave their country and work as maids in homes, and are often mistreated because their lives are so bad in Ethiopia. So after some digging, I found that:
Ethiopia has one of the fastest-growing economies in the world and is Africa’s second most populous country, with 23.5% of the population below the poverty line.
Let me tell you something ironic. Before all this drastic fall of the economy happened in Lebanon starting October 2019, 40% of the population lived below the poverty line. There are no statistics up to date, but I’ll bet in a year there will be around 60% Lebanese below the poverty line, which makes Ethiopians richer than Lebanese. So according to racists who believe Lebanese are better than Ethiopians because they have more money, this does not make sense.
Back to the racism problem in America. It is only prominant in America because there is such a wide range of ethnicities in the “Land of opportunities”. However, this type of racism is present worldwide. A lot of people are denied jobs or given less pay because of their skin color. As a result, people who are not white are more likely to be poor. Click here for the statistics regarding poverty in America.
Here in Lebanon, the Syrian refugees are only given jobs as janitors or construction workers. I know that Lebanon specifically has a problem with job opportunities. An overflow of college graduates and not enough jobs to move the economy. Again, I’m no expert, but you tell me. When a Syrian is payed an amount a Lebanese would never agree to work for, isn’t that racism?
Again, I’m not an expert in economy. I only know that racism is when you think you’re better than someone because of the color of your skin or ethnicity or social status.
Your kindness makes you better. Your generosity makes you better. Your humility makes you better. You thinking you’re not any better than anyone else, and that we are all humans, worthy or life, love, respect, and dignity, is what makes you, in God’s eyes, better than the racists who think they’re better.
I try not to provoke anyone with my writings. I say I’m like an ostrich, burying my head in the sand when I’m scared, but that’s a myth. Ostriches stick their heads in the sand to hide their eggs and protect their young.
I hope my words explained what racism is, because you can be racist without noticing it. You can go along all your life functioning with what you feel is the norm because that’s what everyone around you does. So if you see any signs of racism happening in front of you, speak up, say it’s wrong, and if you can, prevent it.
As long as white people are quiet about the racism that happens around them, it will continue to happen.Good night 😴
1. Racism is still ongoing. Despite the increased awareness, protests, petitions, it is just ingrained in some people.
3. Ethiopia is not richer than Lebanon. According to Global Finance, Lebanon is ranked 107 while Ethiopia is 165. There is yet hope for Lebanon.
4. I was listening to a podcast yesterday about unconscious bias so I will correct myself for using the phrase “you can be racist without noticing it”. People with unconscious bias are not racist. Racism is intentional. If it’s unintentional, it’s unconscious bias.
Hello and welcome to my blog! It’s been a long day today. I’ve been up since 4 am. I did housework and worked on my laptop. Being at home all day is exhausting in itself, especially since my son wouldn’t let me nap. Even though my brain is fried, I didn’t want to let you down on poetry Friday, so I closed my eyes and summoned my muse. It doesn’t always work, but this time it did.
This week’s poem: I’m here
I know when you act up
You just need love and care
I know when you clam up
You’re just feeling scared
If I’m being honest
I’m just winging it
Sometimes all this
Is too much to give
Sometimes I need a break
It has nothing to do with you
My sanity is at stake
And I know it affects you too
I may not have all the answers
And I may not always do as I say
Responsibility has me battered
But I’m here and I’m here to stay
I will lift you up when you’re feeling low
I’ll be with you when you’re all alone
Holding your hand
Helping you stand
Life will throw you curveballs along the way
I hope you learn the lessons it means to teach
I’ll stand with you in the sunshine and the rain
You can lean on me when you feel weak
Because I can’t explain
My love for you
It goes beyond logic
But I’m here to stay
I’ll be here with you
Witness all your magic
Because when you grow up, you’ll do amazing things
You amaze me now when you’re just a kid
If it’s in the cards, you’ll have a kin
Until then, it’s you and me, kid.
I literally had to hide in the bathroom to write this. It’s really sad but my son is acting up because I didn’t really spend much one on one time with him today. Not more than 15 minutes. I’ve been on my phone or laptop or cooking and doing housework. He really needs me attention. I try to hug him and kiss him as often as I can but it doesn’t seem to satisfy him for long. He wants me to play with him but I’m bloated and nauseated because I’ve been eating a lot of junk food lately. I can’t seem to find the will power to stop eating so many sweets, thus feeling groggy and not energetic. Plus, I’ve been up since 4 am because I couldn’t sleep.
Despite my imperfect parenting, I love my son so much and although my moods and energy levels don’t show it as much as I want to, I think he knows it. He is an amazing smart cute strong willed kid and I’m lucky to have him.
Since the pandemic, it’s been hard on both of us. I crave me time and adult connection while he misses playing on the playground with other kids and going places to play with his cousins.
Hello and welcome to my blog! It’s the 1st day of June. Can you believe it?
The pandemic has been going on for 15 months, we’re almost halfway through 2021, and the world is so chaotic right now. I don’t know about you, but when I feel like everything is out of my control, I panic. Then I take a deep breath, list the things I’m grateful for, and set down monthly goals, and focus on those because if I want to change the world, I must work on myself first and foremost.
I made 20 goals this month. I know it sounds too much and overwhelming, but in my attempt to create a balance between getting on top of my reading and writing, tending to my family and household, while taking care of my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well being, there is a lot of ground to cover.
I realized that physical, mental, and emotional well-being is all interconnected. When you’re feeling depressed, you feel physically tired and it affects your diet and sleep. Also, when you stay up late and eat a lot of junk food, you feel groggy and moody. The following goals are for the sake of my whole well being:
Shower 3 times a week
Control my anger
Do optimism challenge
Sit on the balcony or take a walk (get sunlight) daily
Exercise daily for 7 minutes
Brush teeth and hair daily
Drink 1 L of water daily
Eat 1 portion of fruit daily
As for my reading goals, I have 9 books I have abandoned months ago, and this month I plan on tackling 2 of them (the pdfs on my laptop) before I continue with the 7 paperbacks on my bookshelf. I’m also really behind on reading blogs so that’s one of my goals as well, to catch up on reading blogs.
As for my writing goals, the goal is to write at least 1 blog post a day, except on Wednesday, and to promote my most recent 3 books (I can’t promote all 10 books at once).
For my spiritual wellbeing, my goal is to pray duha 3 times a week and read 10 pages of Quran a day.
Socially, since I’ve become a hermit, I plan on texting at least 2 friends a day, so they know I’m still alive. I also plan on calling my grandmother once a week and visiting her once a month.
This is without housework, taking care of my son, sleeping, eating, cooking, etc.
I hope I’m able to achieve at least half of these goals. Most of them are habits I’m trying to implement so it’s hard to narrow them down.