Poetry Friday: Happiness eludes me

I watch the sun rise

Feel the breeze on my face

The power’s out, I realize

But my joy isn’t phased

What is this vibe?

It’s like the stars aligned

Is this what it’s like?

To be content

Because happiness eludes me

It seems like a delusion

The moment I hold on to it

It drifts away

And I’m left shipwrecked

This heaviness in my chest

Is so familiar

I almost forget it’s pain

And I’m flooded with regrets

Shame and confusion

I don’t know why I do this

But this pain is comforting

Sometimes I chase happiness

Sometimes I search for meaning

It’s impossible to feel blessed

With my anxiety like demons

But it’s like

It’s become my identity

Like I’m broken

And I need someone to fix me

Theoretically

I know what to do but

It’s a lifelong journey

And it’s a bit too much

I know that I should love myself

I know I should be kind

But I don’t eat or sleep well

And I occasionally exercise

It’s like I have a death wish

I feel so lost and helpless

I think I’m co-dependant

But I don’t want to be

My hands are shaking

From too much caffeine

And intermittent sleeping

My social skills are weak

I wish I could be put together

Like other people that I know

But maybe they’re all just a mess

And they’re putting on a show

Focusing on myself

And my surroundings

It helps me to relax

And keeps me grounded

The magnets and stickers on my fridge

Remind me of the miracle that is

My sunshine, my sweety pie

The Apple of my eye

I have shelter, food and clothes

I’ll never take for granted

I have running water, who knows?

How long it will last and

I have so much, yet I complain

Does that mean I am vain?

It just means I’m human

And I’m trying

Pros and cons of drinking coffee

Are you a coffee person or a tea person?

I’m a coffee person for sure. I’m not talking about the spice pumpkin latte and cinnamon toast latte or whatever variaties exist. I’m not even talking about the coffee you brew at home. Rather, I drink instant Nescafe gold with a little bit of sugar and some low fat cow milk.

The common denominator in all coffees and black tea is caffeine. I’m sure there is something else in coffee that makes me dependant on it, because when I drink black tea, it doesn’t wake me up like coffee does. The smell of coffee on its own revives me. It also helps lessen my appetite, and I need that, being stuck at home with nothing to do but to eat.

Caffeine has many benefits, but too much caffeine has its drawbacks as well. So what are the pros and cons of caffeine? And how much caffeine is too much?

Pros

  • Today, most people use it and other caffeinated beverages to keep awake and alert—but caffeine has a slew of other health benefits.Cognitive performance.
  • Burning fat.
  • Post-exercise recovery.
  • Atrial fibrillation.
  • In observational studies, caffeine intake has been linked to a lower risk of Parkinson disease.

Cons

  • Anxiety.
  • Insomnia.
  • Digestive Issues.
  • Muscle Breakdown.
  • Addiction.
  • High Blood Pressure.
  • Rapid Heart Rate.
  • Fatigue.

How much caffeine is healthy?

For healthy adults, the FDA has cited 400 milligrams a day—that’s about four or five cups of coffee—as an amount not generally associated with dangerous, negative effects. Healthy as in they don’t have heart problems or high blood pressure or anxiety. These conditions lower the healthy limit of caffeine in these individuals.

Different sources online give different quantities

If you are experiencing any drawbacks from coffee, you can replace it with black tea.

I read that eating an apple or drinking water helps wake you up without giving you the side effects of caffeine, but for me, only Nescafe caffeine wakes me up. Maybe it’s psychological. I don’t know.