Poetry Friday: Keep Swimming

I feel like I’m floating

Moving around with the waves of the ocean

Sometimes I’m almost drowning

Now I’m in too deep, now I’m near the shore and

I think I’m going to be saved

But then comes another wave

And I start swimming

But I don’t know where I’m going

I’m not so sure

I want to go to shore

Because the sand is burning

My body aches, it’s hurting

Then I see a rainbow

And the fire disappears

And I rise above the water

Till I’m gliding in the air

There’s been a glitch

In the matrix

I feel like an avatar

It’s like nothing is real

It’s all so surreal

And everything is falling apart

But we’ve got to stick together

Lift up one another

We will get through this

I know it’s all chaotic

Life has become robotic

The unknown is terrifying

If we were in a movie

This would be the climax

There should be a plot twist

In the next chapter

But this is real life

It’s so full of problems

There’s no magic fix

No happy ever after

Soon as I realize

That the end is near

I swim with all my might

My heart is filled with fear

But when I close my eyes

I dream of paradise

I think I’ll be alright

As long as I keep swimming

Wednesday Wisdom: Let’s talk about hope

Hello 👋 reader and welcome to my blog! Today I’m going to talk to you about hope.

When I think of hope, I think of faith. You can’t have hope without faith. Otherwise, it’s just wishful thinking.

Before October 17th 2019, I didn’t have much hope for Lebanon. I would say “it is what it is” but I never thought it would get worse.

When the revolution began, I got mixed feelings of hope and hopelessness. On one hand, I hoped the revolution would bring about change, but on the other hand, I knew the government wouldn’t give up their power so easily. But then New Years came around, and the revolution died down. Nothing had changed. Prices were up and by March a new pandemic had begun.

I had hope that COVID-19 would last a few months and then it would be over and we could all go back to our lives, bussiness as usual.

It’s almost March again, in 2021, and the pandemic is still here, and the prices are still rising, and NOTHING has changed.

Still I have hope, that maybe in 10 years we will be back on our feet, stronger than ever, but for now, I’m taking it day by day. I’m working on my personal growth. I’m building my resilience. I’m creating mini moments of happiness, and when all fails, I break down, then wipe my tears, and start all over again.

At the end of 2020, I really hoped 2021 would be better, and it is in some ways. I’m stronger now. I’m working on my blog, on my marriage, on my parenting. Some days I’m surviving. Some days I’m thriving. But everytime I think about the situation in Lebanon, in the world, I bury my head in the sand because otherwise I would crumble inside.

Despite the fact that the economic situation in Lebanon keeps worsening, I choose hope. It will get better. Maybe not now, but it will. One day.

I did a poll on instagram asking if they felt hopeful or hopeless about the situation in Lebanon, and all the votes for hopeless were from my lebanese followers, and the one person who voted hopeful was an American who lived in America.

I feel that it’s logical for people to lose hope when presented with reality, but there is some hope that can come out of hopelessness, without which no improvement occurs.

If the cavemen had no hope when faced with predators, they would’ve just lied down and let themselves be eaten by the tiger. Instead, they made weapons and created strategies to camouflage themselves or kill the tiger. They found a way to survive. They built homes and protection. Years went by and suddenly they were thriving.

I don’t want to be cliché. If you are in a bad situation in your family, in your country, mentally, physically, spirituallly, don’t lose hope. Don’t let the tiger eat you. Build a weapon. Master your skills. Learn new skills. Celebrate small wins. Enjoy the good moments. There are always good moments. Don’t sit around and mope and complain about how life is unfair. Get up and do something about it.

Whatever you do,…

Don’t

Lose

Hope

Welcome to Lebanon (a poem)

Welcome to Lebanon

Check your sanity at the door

We got chaos served as the encore

Please don’t leave, come back for more


For entrees we got deceit

Bad infrastructure and electricity

For the main course we got poverty

Our landfills filled and so are the streets


If you want dessert you got to wait

The prices up and so much at stake

Our government’s too stubborn to make

A solution out of this calamity


Come now, don’t walk away

We can entertain you along the way

Dark humor is a coping mechanism

We can’t afford shrinks, so what you say?


We’ll sing you songs, you can clap along

We’ll dance with you, run a marathon

But don’t forget, our fate’s in God’s hands

We’re not your puppets, so understand


We stand tall

And we stand proud

We won’t fall

We’ll sing loud


Welcome to Lebanon

We are a nation of diversity

When we get along

We will save the economy


Welcome to Lebanon

We have good food, good company

Come on sing along

We will rise like we used to be

Healing isn’t linear

It’s confusing when you don’t know why you feel the way you feel. It’s easy to blame your feelings on the world, on the circumstances, on other people. But we’re adults now. It’s our responsibility to self regulate, to process our own emotions and take responsibility for our feelings. So it’s up to you. You can say “he makes me angry” or “i need to create healthy boundaries with him”.

We all have been subjected to things that have traumatized us, as children or as adults, and it’s hard to just forget. We could be doing fine and then suddenly get triggered by a word and fall apart. Healing isn’t linear. So what’s the cure? Find healthy coping mechanisms. Replace emotional eating with walking. Replace binge watching tv shows with reading. Find what works as medicine for you, and do it. Incirporate it into your routine. There is no magic wand that will make all your trauma disappear. Trauma lives in the body, in the subconscious. You just need to acknowledge that you’ve been traumatized and that you’re in the process of healing.

When you feel a deficiency symptom, do something that would increase that hormone

It’s been a day

Today is one of those days. My heart is tired of fighting and being angry. I’m exhausted from feeling. We have a thing, my best friend and I, when we are emotionally exhausted, we tell one another “have a day” because “have a great day” is too much pressure and holds too much expectation. So today, I had a day.

If today all you could do was survive, have a day.

Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully a better one. We are all struggling right now. Married. Single. 1 kid. 5 kids. Elderly. Young. We are all lonely and frustrated, but don’t lose hope. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

To myself and to you I say, you will get through this. Take it one day at a time.

Be the light in someone’s darkness

Did you ever think yourself into a headache?

I did. Today. I was freaking out about my 5 year old starting online learning in 2 days, and then I spoke to a friend of mine and her optimism calmed me down.

I feel very fortunate to have friends like that. When I’m feeling down, I have someone to lift me up. When I’m feeling insecure, I have someone to reassure me. When I’m freaking out, I have someone to calm me down.

It got me thinking 💭

It means a lot to me that I have people like this, and that is the message I try to deliver in my blogs and books 📚

I want to be that person to someone. I want to be the light in someone’s darkness. I want to lift people up when they’re down, reassure them when they’re insecure, and calm them down when they’re freaking out.

I know everyone is fighting their own demons. God knows I have so many demons, but I’m okay with being vulnerable about the things that bother me and drive me crazy and make me sad. Some people are not okay with being vulnerable. They cover up their wounds with bandaids and try not to think about it. They suffer in silence and don’t want to “bother” anyone with their problems.

It’s these people I’m targeting in my blogs and books. The ones who are too scared to open up, or don’t know how to express their feelings eloquently. What I want out of this blog and my books is for someone to read my words and relate to them.

You know the feeling when you listen to a song and you feel like the person who wrote it has written it just for you? That is my goal.

I don’t feel like I’ve reached success in my blogs and with my books, because success is a moving target 🎯

I feel like the more views my blogs get, the more I’ll want, because I want the biggest number of people possible to read my blogs and benefit from them. With my books, eventually I want to be a best-selling author, but I know my current books are not best-selling material. My goal is for now for these books to be good enough material.

I still am worried about how I’m going to market my books because I feel like I’m grasping in the dark for ideas, but for now, let’s focus on getting through the 1st day of online learning.

Take me home (a poem)

There’s a light inside the darkness
And I’d like to call it home
When I’m feeling scared and lonely
I’d like to think I’m not alone

But when, I close, my eyes, at night
The fear it holds me close
I tell, myself, I’ll be, alright
But truth is I don’t know

So take me home
To the light at the end of the tunnel
Where I’ll feel safe and secure
Oh take me home
To my God I can surrender
Knocking at his door
Where I feel at home

They say home is where your heart is
But my heart’s all over the place
Still my soul is, regardless
Wrapped around my faith

My troubles sometimes consume me
And make me feel so weak
But my faith and hope renew me
When I’m too tired to speak

I know we’ll all be tested
And that we’re blessed so much
We’ll never be neglected
By the one who created us

What are you optimistic about?

I started reading this book “What are you optimistic about?” yesterday, and it got me thinking.

What am I optimistic about?

The economic fall in Lebanon to suddenly rise and for the Lebanese Lira to get its value back?

Nope

The political bickering to stop and for us to finally have a democratic country that doesn’t imprison muslims just because they have beards and who actually look after the sunni muslims of the country and build our wonderful country instead of putting our money in their pockets, leaving us to starve?

Not really.

How about my son being able to go to school this year, as opposed to last year when he couldn’t go to school 1st due to the revolution and then because of COVID-19, and having a normal social life where he can play with his friends and not feel confused about what day it is and why he can’t just go to school?

This year no, but I have hope for him to go next year, when he is going to be in 1st grade.

How about this: Do I feel optimistic about getting over my anxiety and depression?

Yes, because I’ve done it before and I can do it again. That’s why I’m writing this post, to find things to be optimistic about.

Before I continue, what is optimism? To me it is hope for a better future and it stems from my faith in God.

Let’s talk bigger.

The book I’m reading was written by 100 people who have never experienced poverty, and who have high social statuses, but nevertheless, let’s see what they’re so optimistic about.

I won’t replay the whole book. I’ve only read a few pages so far, but 2 things that were prominant were:

1. Optimism about decreased violence.

As much as I find it hard to believe, but statistics say that there has been decrease in violence over the years, and that although violence still exists, it is usually hidden and condemned.

My personal opinion is that people with power still exercise their power on the weak, turturing people. And I believe it’s not well hidden, people are just too scared to do anything about it.

2. Optimism about the end of war.

I must say that if it weren’t for my faith, and the knowledge I have, I wouldn’t hold my breath.

See, I’ve read the book “the signs of the day of judgement”, and in that book, it says that Palestine will be freed, and that KSA will become all green instead of being a desert, and that Jesus will descend and kill the one eyed gargoyle (dajjal) and bring peace to the earth. Now nobody knows when the day of judgement will be, but I have a feeling it won’t be during my lifetime. At the look of things, the apocalypse is nothing like the film 2012, but rather something different, killing us slowly.

So, what are you optimistic about?

I asked this question on instagram and one person answered “nothing” while another answered “to get out of Lebanon“, so there’s that.

What am I optimistic about?

1. I’m optimistic about not becoming poor, or at least I have hope and I keep praying.

2. I’m optimistic about not catching COVID-19 or any other serious disease.

3. I’m optimistic about not becoming paralyzed, but I’m not so sure about cancer. Both my grandparents died of cancer and 2 cousins of my dad’s as well, but I hope I don’t get cancer.

4. I’m optimistic about not becoming obese. I’m not exactly model weight but I have the hope and confidence that at least I won’t go overboard.

I don’t know what tomorrow holds for me, and even today is full of surprises.

5. I’m scared, but deep down I have hope that tomorrow won’t suck and that I can become a better person if I keep trying to get over my social awkwardness, and most of all I pray for world peace and the end of poverty.

A poem about everything going on in the world

Hush my child
Close your eyes
Dream sweet dreams
Don’t feel fright

Cover up
In your warm bed
There’s no one homeless
There’s no one poor
There are no people
With no furniture
There are no people
Who sleep on the floor

You need some water?
Here’s some bottled
Just for you
Delivered on our doorstep
Clean for your use

You want a snack?
Here, have two
Don’t you worry
There’s always food

No one starves
In the whole world
No one cries
Because they’re poor

These people all over the news
They’re not real
They’re just here to amuse

There are no people with no jobs
There are no people with no food
Everyone’s happy and prosper
In all the lands in all the world

You want another story?
Here you go
Anything you want
I can download

Sing you a song?
Oh for sure
There are no orphans
In the world

Tell you a story?
About the world
What I know
It could go:

Once upon a time
In 2020
We lost a lot of lives
To covid 19
There was a revolution
And people starving

And racism finally
Being exposed
Police brutally treating
Non-white folks
And all under a racist
Governments nose

And riots starting
In Lebanon
Places burning
Because enough’s enough

And nature’s pleading
“Take care of me
Global warming
Will be the death of me”

And in Palestine
They’re still not freed
And the Syrians
Die or flee

War everywhere
And poverty too
Injustice flares
It’s time to tell the truth

But hear me out
Don’t cry now
There are kind people
Out and about

There are people brave
Who do the right thing
They won’t stand for injustice
Until they bring

Every bully down
No matter how big
In the fight against evil
The good will win

So hush my baby
Just count sheep
There are no children robbed
Of their innocence
There are no women killed
For no reason

So hush my child
And close your eyes
What you don’t know
Can’t hurt you tonight

You’re scared of the dark
And being left alone
As you lay in your bed
Snuggled up and warm

You’re scared of ghosts
When they’re not real
Oh if you knew of the pain
Some people feel

You’re scared of zombies
People brought back from death
When there are people everyday
Who die a thousand deaths

But hush my baby
The wolf can’t get to you
He’s deep in the forest
Or in the zoo

When you grow up
I can’t shadow you no more
I can’t shield your eyes
From the pain in the world

But this i wish
Oh I pray, I hope
You’ll be one of those
Who speak your truth

You’ll be a brave leader
So kind but strong
You’ll make a good difference
In the world

But what can “I” do to help?

With so much injustice going on in the world, it’s easy to trigger fight or flight responses in us, especially anxious people.

Corrupt politicians. People greedy for money an power, stepping on the backs of the poor and opressed to get to the top.
It’s sickening.
I’m an empath, which means when someone is going through a problem, I can actually share their pain. It’s a good trait, I guess, but it’s overwhelming.
I can only handle so many people venting to me before I mentally and physically collapse.
When someone I care about is going through problems, I literally can’t sleep at night thinking of a way to make them feel better. I have no means of actually helping anyone, at least I feel that way.
I’m just a stay at home mom. I don’t work. I can’t financially support anyone. I don’t drive. I can’t pick up my friend and take her somewhere to ease her stress.
What I do have is a platform. This blog is a way in which I can reach out to people and raise awareness to issues neglected or not talked about enough.
I often avoid watching the news, otherwise I’d be miserable all the time thinking of the people being killed in Palestine or the people in Lebanon who don’t have any food to eat.
My son is an empath too. He cries when I cry. When we pass by beggars in the car, he asks us to stop the car and feed all the poor people.

So here are some highlights you need to know:

Black people are being killed in America for no apparent reason.

Al Aqsa mosque reopened, but was stormed by Zionists and people were arrested for no reason.

Lebanon is currently facing an enormous economic fall and more than half of the population fall below the line of poverty.

Muslims are being prosecuted all over the world and accused of terrorism because of wearing the hijab or having a beard.

Many muslim countries are under war or dictatorship.

To be clear, I don’t condone violence at any cost.
I believe raising awareness and talking about something on social media is not enough.

I believe that this is an unjust world, but I haven’t lost hope in humanity just yet.

I just don’t want to be one of those passive people who let violence and injustice happen and turn a blind eye.
So I am raising awareness to these issues.
I am urging whoever can do something to do something, without violence.
My heart is with every opressed, poor, injusticed person out there, and their families.