Hello and welcome to my blog! I’ve had a long day today, and I know I say this every day, but I’m exhausted! I went to my grandparents to see my uncle and his wife before they head back to the US where they live, but the exhausting part was before and after.
Dealing with a husband who is constantly in a bad mood is exhausting. I have to walk on eggshells, and when I get to the point where now I’m in a bad mood because his mood rubbed off on me, he switches and acts normal and I snap, so he snaps back to a bad mood. It’s a weird dynamic. Please don’t give me marriage advice. My marriage is too topsy-turvy right now and I’m getting a bit dizzy but I’m dealing, kind of. I’m finding other things to make me happy, like blogging.
Anyway, since I had such a day, inspiration hasn’t struck to write a poem, and the notes section of unfinished poems on my phone are too depressing (even darker than how I feel now) so I’m bringing back a poem I posted in 2017, but with better grammar (thanks to Grammarly).
Sometimes I feel lonely
Even when I’m not alone
But sometimes I feel worthy
Loved and cherished to the bone
I know I’m super moody
But at the end of the day
I have a couple of friends
And family-ish bonds
It makes me contemplate
I say why do I have such few friends?
Is the problem in me or is it just them?
Do I need to change?
What were my mistakes?
Maybe I’m better off this way
Because I cross the same bridge a few times
Before I finally learn
That some bridges are to be crossed
And some should be burned
I try so hard I’m relentless
But sometimes I just go “f*** this”
Some people are worth fighting for
But most aren’t worth the hurt
Most people are two-faced lying snobs
Fake smiles and hidden agendas
I know a person or a few that fit the profile
Only talk to me when they need something
The hardest decisions in life
Are the one in which you decide
Whether to give up or try
One more time
And the one in which you decide
Whether to build a bridge
From your side
Or burn the bridge down
Because it’s not worth the fight
I’m a pretty loyal person
And I get that people have lives
But I believe it’s a matter of priority
Who you give from your time
This is a good poem about friendships and holding on for too long. Honestly, I feel I have 3 friends, and 2 of them live abroad. I barely see the 3rd one. As for my marriage, I’m working on it. Sometimes I feel like we have a good marriage but we need to work on a few things. Other times I feel miserable and emotionally abused. Sometimes I feel like I’m the emotional abuser. All I know is it’s hard to know reality from anxiety and depression. The lens through which I see life and people is distorted. I’ll keep working on myself and pray that God helps me make the right decisions in life and that he surrounds me with good friends and good company and makes me good company.
P. S. Shocking news. I’m actually a pretty fun person with my family in the absence of my husband and son. I laughed so much at my grandparents.