Are you familiar with the term “emotionally hungover”? It’s when you got drunk on your emotions (overwhelmed by them), then vented something really personal to one or more people (in my case, instagram), then blacked out (felt instant relief upon venting), only to wake up the next day groggy, heavy, and full of regret, and a pounding headache.
Just so you know, I have never had an alcoholic beverage, but people in movies always seem to be drinking and getting drunk, so I have an idea what it’s like theoretically.
Don’t bother checking my instagram. I deleted the story I’m talking about. Only people mean enough to screenshot it, pass it around and mock me behind my back have it.
I think I made up the term emotionally hungover. Hold on. It’s a real term, urban, but real!
The feeling you wake up with in the morning after an emotional breakdown from the night before. This feeling is sometimes a result from an argument, a deep sadness, an unfortunate loss, a break-up, drama, strong feelings of regret, conflicting emotions, etc.
Typically the night before, you have trouble sleeping – you may even be physically tired yet remain mentally awake – which might involve tossing and turning all night long, a constant vigilance of the clock, and attempts to read or watch TV to try and sleep quicker.
Instead of sleeping away your sadness and waking up refreshed, the feelings come back to make you feel bad, maybe even worse. Now that you’ve had time to dwell on the situation and ponder your own feelings, repeating those feelings again the next day makes it sting a bit more.
Sometimes an emotional hangover is followed by ambivalence(conflicting emotions), stress, more drama, and/or just a really bad mood.
This is bad especially if you aren’t a morning person. Usually this feeling comes to you when you least expect it: when someone mentions the situation to you, when you go online to check your mail, listen to some music, on your way to work/school, etc.
Anyway, I’m not further venting. This is a post to give tips on how to get over an emotional hangover, and if possible, prevent it? I just wish I had the ability to keep everything in, or at least let it out disguised, or not to the whole world. I wish I was secretive. Life would have been so much easier. How many times do you vent about something, only to regret it later?
I read several times about the difference between venting and complaining, and technically, I don’t vent. I complain, and I need to stop.
Here’s the thing. I never thought of myself as someone who complains a lot, until 6 years ago, when someone pointed it out to me. The thing is, I don’t think I ever learned how to process my emotions. Anytime I felt anything negative, as a teenager, I’d vent to my dad, cry, feel better, move on. When that stopped working, or when there was something I couldn’t vent to my dad about, I’d vent to a friend, or friends. Oh if only I had the power to make everyone I know forget all my secrets and things I vented to them about…
But the world doesn’t work that way. Once you say something, you can’t take it back, especially if you say it on the internet. Now that I think about it, I think most of my communications have become on the internet: texting, sending voice messages, and occasional voice or video calls. It’s as if I don’t know how to communicate face to face anymore. That’s an exaggeration. But I much prefer texting to calling nowadays.
Back to the solution, how to get over an emotional hangover:
Well I don’t know. I was hoping you could tell me! Just kidding, of course I researched it. Now that I mentioned Google, I wish Google would forget everything it knows about me too.
The solution is
Self care everyday
Not so simple or easy, according to talkspace.
1. Eat a healthy meal
It’s like this solution is laughing at me in my face. My situation with healthy eating is “the struggle is real”. Everything that happens in my life, when I look for a solution, they say eat healthy. Like, yeah okay I’ll just chew on this celery and hope for the best. Anyone interested in becoming my diet coach? All you need to do it watch me all day and snatch junk food from my hands before it gets to my mouth, and make me eat salad and fruits (preferably prepare them for me too).
Another sarcastic laugh. Ha. Sorry I’m a bit cynical today because I’ve been trying to make exercising daily a habit for a long time. How come my sisters and mom were able to do it but not me? I either don’t have the right motivation or, I don’t know, I’m out of excuses.
3. Journal it
Unfortunately, I feed on feedback. My blog and instagram are my journal. At least I could have put the instagram story “close friends” only, so I’d regret 7 people seeing it instead of 21, out of which only 1 person reacted to my story, leaving me feeling like the others didn’t care about my demise, or were disgusted by my openness. Actually, I do write journal thoughts in my notes sometimes, label them “personal” and don’t show them to anyone, or maybe show them to one person. I need to get the need for constant feedback out of my system, because it masks my need for approval. Ugh, I can’t talk about a simple thing without going into psychological lingo.
4. Spend time with loved ones
This one actually works for me. As much as I get overwhelmed when I don’t get me time, in general being with my husband and son brings me joy, sometimes irritation, but mainly joy. I feel incredibly lucky. When I visit my parents, my phone usage goes from 5 hours a day to 2 hours. They say spend time with people who make you forget to look at your phone, and in this digital age, I think that’s important.
5. Get creative
No problem there. Writing is my form of creativity. Oops. I see the problem. My problem is I vent too much through typing, but I’m really good at it. Maybe try to vent without mentioning what happened? Get creative about it. I’m practically advising myself at this point. I can also draw but I don’t like to. I only do it when my son begs me to.
So that’s it, I guess. I think maybe I got too much into enneagrams, because it says that people with my enneagram type tend to:
Withhold themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity.
Maybe I forget that I have the power to change, to not succumb to my bad habits. I’m so self aware but so reluctant to change myself. I say I try, but do I really?
I know that nobody is perfect, and I know that I open up too much. I guess I need to learn how to process my emotions without complaining.
Just a quick clarification on the differences between venting and complaining, before I wrap up this blog.
Whereas venting is an acknowledgement of YOUR emotion around a subject, complaining is pretty passive and it’s usually never going to come to a resolution until this person stops doing whatever you’re unable to handle. One is an expression of emotion that moves you forward or at least through.
I hope this blog benefitted you.
Do you ever get emotionally hungover?
Do you have any bad habits you want to break or good habits you want to build?
Let me know in the comments.