Throwback Thursday: Random acts of kindness

Hello and welcome to my blog! Welcome to Throwback Thursday, where I bring a post back from a year ago and reflect on it. Here is what I wrote on this day last year:

Random acts of kindness

Are you a kind person?

Do you engage in random acts of kindness?

I honestly don’t think I’m considered a kind person. I used to be a people pleaser, a helper, a nice person until I realized many people were using me because I was like this and so I went in the complete opposite direction.

I don’t kick animals and yell at strangers. I’m not unkind. But you know those people who are always smiling, always ready to lend a helping hand, always volunteering their time, money, and energy to worthy causes? I’m not one of those either. I aspire to be. I think the world needs more of those.

However, I do feel like I’m kind with my words (my written words anyway). As much as I can say mean things when I’m angry, I can be very motivating, understanding, and inspiring with my words. I have people in my life who are kind with their words to me. They’re very few, but I’m glad I have them in my life, and so I try to be that friend. In my words, I try to motivate and encourage because I do believe that words matter and that putting someone down for a mistake they made will only make them worse. I’ve experienced being put down and seeing other people put down and at times I may have put my son down but apologized for it later. Words are powerful and they have an impact. You have an impact!

That’s why I’m encouraging myself and you to engage in more acts of kindness. I don’t count my words to be an act of kindness. I count them as the way I’m supposed to be and talk. I’m talking about the extra acts of kindness (to other people that may be normal things they do but to me I have to put any effort or remember to do them). The reason is that I’ve been used so much, I’ve become a bit calculating. I don’t get people presents anymore unless they got me a present 1st. I should get people more presents. Anyway, in this economic crisis, my focus is on acts of kindness that don’t cost much.

There are so many ideas, from picking up litter to doing someone a favor without expecting a favor in return. I maybe do these things. I know my sister does them. I know for a fact my older sister is kinder than I am.

But I also know that being kind with your words is an act of kindness, one that doesn’t cost anything. No time, no money, just positive energy, and it makes you feel good. So send someone a meme, a gif, a text. Tell them they’re amazing and that you wish they have a great day. Send more good morning and good night texts.

We all have problems and things we struggle with. Check-in on each other. Wish each other well. Be kind to one another.

In this economic crisis and pandemic where staying at home is impacting everyone mentally and the uncertainty of the world is making everyone feel hopeless, encourage one another. We will make it to the other side stronger, one act of kindness at a time.

Did you do an act of kindness today?

This was a good reminder for me to do more acts of kindness. I don’t think I’m being kind enough. I’m working on it.

Poetry Friday: Bridges

Hello and welcome to my blog! I’ve had a long day today, and I know I say this every day, but I’m exhausted! I went to my grandparents to see my uncle and his wife before they head back to the US where they live, but the exhausting part was before and after.

Dealing with a husband who is constantly in a bad mood is exhausting. I have to walk on eggshells, and when I get to the point where now I’m in a bad mood because his mood rubbed off on me, he switches and acts normal and I snap, so he snaps back to a bad mood. It’s a weird dynamic. Please don’t give me marriage advice. My marriage is too topsy-turvy right now and I’m getting a bit dizzy but I’m dealing, kind of. I’m finding other things to make me happy, like blogging.

Anyway, since I had such a day, inspiration hasn’t struck to write a poem, and the notes section of unfinished poems on my phone are too depressing (even darker than how I feel now) so I’m bringing back a poem I posted in 2017, but with better grammar (thanks to Grammarly).

Bridges

Sometimes I feel lonely
Even when I’m not alone
But sometimes I feel worthy
Loved and cherished to the bone

I know I’m super moody
But at the end of the day
I have a couple of friends
And family-ish bonds
It makes me contemplate

I say why do I have such few friends?
Is the problem in me or is it just them?
Do I need to change?
What were my mistakes?
Hold up!
Maybe I’m better off this way

Because I cross the same bridge a few times
Before I finally learn
That some bridges are to be crossed
And some should be burned

I try so hard I’m relentless
But sometimes I just go “f*** this”
Some people are worth fighting for
But most aren’t worth the hurt

Most people are two-faced lying snobs
Fake smiles and hidden agendas
I know a person or a few that fit the profile
Only talk to me when they need something

The hardest decisions in life
Are the one in which you decide
Whether to give up or try
One more time
And the one in which you decide
Whether to build a bridge
From your side
Or burn the bridge down
Because it’s not worth the fight

I’m a pretty loyal person
And I get that people have lives
But I believe it’s a matter of priority
Who you give from your time

This is a good poem about friendships and holding on for too long. Honestly, I feel I have 3 friends, and 2 of them live abroad. I barely see the 3rd one. As for my marriage, I’m working on it. Sometimes I feel like we have a good marriage but we need to work on a few things. Other times I feel miserable and emotionally abused. Sometimes I feel like I’m the emotional abuser. All I know is it’s hard to know reality from anxiety and depression. The lens through which I see life and people is distorted. I’ll keep working on myself and pray that God helps me make the right decisions in life and that he surrounds me with good friends and good company and makes me good company.

P. S. Shocking news. I’m actually a pretty fun person with my family in the absence of my husband and son. I laughed so much at my grandparents.

Promo for “The best advice to improve yourself and your relationships” and free sample

Hello and welcome to my blog! Yesterday, I released my 10th ebook on Amazon. I worked a lot on this book. Checked it through a plagiarism detector site, then paraphrased the plagiarized phrases, and finally checked it with Grammarly to make sure it was 100% my original words and up to standards.

This book is a collection of advice posts that I previously posted on the blog. Soon I will delete the blog posts, well, most of them.

So hurry up and buy it on kindle for 9.99$

Or start reading it for free here: https://a.co/6WpM14M

I hope you enjoy this book. If you’re waiting for the paperback version, please be patient. I’m working on it.

Finally, some snippets from the book:

You can preorder my new book today!

Guess what?! My book “The best advice to improve yourself and your relationships” is available for pre-order in the Kindle Store. It is available* for customers to pre-order here.

Customers who pre-ordered the book will receive the content on the release date, 06/01/2021.

Can you help me write a title for my new book?

Hello and welcome to my blog! My mind is going a mile a minute, and I would like to unveil a project in the works. I’ve gathered my blog posts about advice (at least the ones I wrote after I started using tags and categories in 2020) but I have no idea what to name the book.

I still haven’t published the book and I still need to paraphrase some things because some of the work was researched so it must be 💯 my words, but I thought I’d give you the titles of the content to find a catchy title because the title can make or break the book.

The book will include:

Part 1: Improving yourself

To change a situation, you need to change yourself

You are learning, not failing

Tips to avoid burnout

How to express your feelings

Do you self-sabotage?

How to self-regulate your emotions

We can rewire our brains!

Pros and cons of wearing your heart on your sleeve

How to become self-sufficient

What to do when you’re feeling lonely

How to be more organized

If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love others

Enjoy the little things

How to deal with circumstances out of your control

What to do when you feel sad

What does it mean to relax?

Emotionally hungover

How to stay focused

How to deal with emotional pain

How to bring more peace into your life

See no evil; hear no evil; Speak no evil

Tips to look after yourself

How to be more patient

How to be more productive during quarantine

Happiness starts with contentment

What do you want for you?

What is taking you so long?

How to turn a bad day around

How to be more optimistic

Healthy tips for a more energetic you

How to be more grateful

Part 2: Improving your relationships

A lesson in tolerance

What value do you add to your relationships?

The 3 Cs that ruin every relationship

How to become more mature

Don’t judge a book by its cover

What to do if a loved one is feeling lonely

All the relationship advice you need

All about anger

How to deal with people who talk about you

How to stay married during quarantine

How to get along with your family during quarantine

Great minds discuss ideas

Social rejection: The truth about making friends

7 things I learned from 7 years of marriage

Giving advice on sensitive topics

Conflict resolution

So what do you say? Will you help me find a catchy topic for my new book?

How to say I love you in 21 different ways

Hello and welcome to my blog! As you know, I’ve been really kern on doing 21 day challenges lately, and it has motivated me a great deal. I’m actually currently doing 4 challenges.

I’m trying to develop healthy positive habits and the 21 days challenge app is really motivating me. I’m currently doing a positive mindset challenge, fix your sleep schedule challenge, home workout challenge, and a no junk food challenge.

The couples challenge I was doing ended (yesterday was the last day). However, sadly, this is the only challenge I didn’t complete. The thing is, you can’t force someone to do a challenge with you, but I wanted to work on my marriage because there’s always room for improvement. The problem is, my husband hates romantic gestures and deep conversations.

The boxes I ticked in this challenge were mostly things I shared with myself on my notes. Some of the things I did with my husband, like telling him “I love you” unexpectedly and thanking him for things he did. But these are things I do anyway, so I don’t feel any different. If anything, I feel disappointed that I couldn’t do all these things.

Nevertheless, I tried, and that’s what matters, and during the 21 days, we weren’t fighting much, mostly because I was trying to make the challenge work, but towards the end, I kind of gave up on trying these things.

I still decided to share them because chances are your spouse or partner is receptive to these gestures of affection.

I did 14 things out of 21

21 ways to say “I love you” without saying it:

These challenges will help you build a solid relationship and be more loving, kind, and thoughtful towards your spouse or partner.

1. Make a list of things you love about your partner

2. Plan a surprise date night.

3. Tell your partner you love them at an unexpected time.

4. Share a fear you have about your relationship.

5. Share a good memory you have about your partner.

6. Send your partner a romantic morning text/audio.

7. Thank your partner for something today.

8. Surprise your partner with something good.

9. Share a goal you have for your relationship.

10. Give your partner a compliment.

11. Plan a weekend getaway.

12. Look at old pictures together.

13. Reminisce about when you first met.

14. Make a bucket list together.

15. Pick a random word and start a deep conversation with your partner.

16. Do a puzzle together.

17. Write a love letter to your partner and hide it for them to find later.

18. Do something your partner enjoys doing together.

19. Make their favourite treat.

20. Tell your partner something you remember they like.

21. Give your partner a hug when they’re not expecting it.

To do this challenge, go to: https://21dayschallengeapp.com/app/challenge

Poetry Friday: Let it all go

I’ve been worried for days

My heart feels so heavy

My head’s in a daze

Could somebody tell me


Everything will be okay

If not tomorrow, then eventually

Focus on what you can change

And accept the rest peacefully


I’m not afraid

Of being in my own company

But I’m afraid

Of being who you think I’m supposed to be


Life’s give and take

And I’m trying to be a better me

Fix my mistakes

But I can’t erase them entirely


So free me from the shakles

Of my pain afflicted soul

It’s not worth the hastle

To get my baggage through the door


I close my eyes and breathe

Then let all of my pain go

Won’t hold onto the things

That don’t serve me anymore


I want to change to improve my relationships

It seems hard to do with all of your judgement

It’s so hard to breathe when you suck out all the oxygen

It’s so hard to speak when you take my words and twist them


I’m still kind hearted but I’m not naive anymore

I’ve been stabbed too many times to stand with my back to you

I want to be helpful and selfless but I won’t be used anymore

These boundaries I’m making shouldn’t come as a shock to you


Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m being paranoid

Maybe I’m filling my head with thoughts to fill the void

Black and white when mixed become a blurry grey

Too many thoughts but not enough words to say


I hope one day I become the person I’m meant to be

And I hope I’m proud of who I turn out to be

Until then follow me on my rollercoaster journey

It is what it is until it’s what it’s supposed to be

Storytime: It’s human nature

It’s human nature to get hung up on the things you don’t have or can’t do

I complain about the people in my life a lot, but honestly, I can’t live without them.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t make things up. It’s just, the good things in my life, the happy moments, I either take them for granted, or I cherish them too much that I prefer to keep them private. But since negativity bias is human nature, I will forgive myself for my slip ups and focus on the positive things. I will show you how I overcame my negative thoughts today.

Today my day was full of good moments, and moments of bliss and pure happiness, but I also had hours of depression and negative thoughts like “my in laws hate me”, “I regret getting married”, and “I can’t be a mom, I’m going to traumatize my son” and “my parents never call me” and for a few hours I believed these thoughts. Sometimes I act upon them as if they were facts, but today I didn’t.

Today I let them pass by keeping my mouth shut and reading blogs while I held my husband’s hand. I didn’t want to hurt him with my thoughts so I didn’t vocalize them. I didn’t want them to feel real by being out there and slowly I started to challenge those thoughts.

First of all, I bought my in laws flowers today, and they really loved them. My sister in law asked how I was doing and I answered and it felt good not like she was being intrusive. It felt like she cared, and I silenced the voice in my head that said she was just curious.

The flowers I bought

Second of all, my husband and I are doing fine. Yes the lockdown is making us all stressed out so we take it out on eachother sometimes, but we are good. No marriage is perfect but we’re not unhappy. I mean today and right now I’m happy and really appreciative of my husband and how hard he works and how he listens to me even when I’m tired and bears with my moods and helps me around the house when I’m tired.

This lockdown is driving me crazy 🤪

Third of all, my son is doing fine, I hope. I am burdened with guilt about traumatizing my son often, partly because I was traumatized as a child. I fear that I’ll do the same to my son sometimes, but then I remember that I read my son stories and I sing him songs. I tell him he is brave, kind and strong. I praise him often when he does good. I try to lead by example, but I fear I fall short. I tell him that I love him even when he is at his worst. I hold him close and say “I’m here for you” when he is overwhelmed. I say hurtful things sometimes but then I apologize. I hope one day he appreciates how much I have compromised. Just to raise him into an emotionally healthy person. I hope I don’t mess it up. There’s no guarantee when it comes to kids, in life, you just got to trust that you are doing what you can with what you have. So I silence the thoughts of fear and guilt and shame and hug my inner child. I reparent myself as I parent my child.

Last but not least, my mom literally called me today. My sister calls me almost everyday. My dad isn’t much of a talker so once in a while he may text me what’s up or I’ll text him miss you. My family love me. When I visit them, I’m literally the life of the party. In my absense, they get busy and absorbed in their own stuff but so do I.

It’s human nature to

  • Judge
  • Complain

But it’s also human nature to

  • Help others
  • Love

What value do you add to your relationships?

Are you a good listener?

Do you have a sense of humor?

Are you good at giving the perfect gift or planning the perfect surprise?

Do people feel comfortable to vent around you?

Are you good at giving advice? Problem solving?

In every relationship you have, every person you keep in your life, is there for a reason.

Based on the value that others add to your life, you determine how close you are with them and how often you spend time with them.

But what value do you add to other people’s lives?

What makes you wanted by other people?

Some people are not aware of the effect they have on others, whether negative or positive. I feel it’s important to let people know what value they add to our lives, and what difference it makes when they are gone vs when they are there.

I know when I visit my family that I make them laugh and they enjoy venting to me as well. My mom and the kids like playing board games with me. So the value I add to them is obvious. The value they add to me is that I am completely myself around them. I forget about my phone and can just be in the moment. If I need to vent, I can vent. I feel loved and cherished around them. Of course drama always happens within every family, but that doesn’t affect the way I feel valued by them.

Sometimes I withdraw into my home and I don’t feel like seeing anyone. Sometimes I avoid dealing with people because I feel myself acting toxic.

Some people, however, make me feel like I have no worth unless I act like they want me to act. Around these people, I feel very uncomfortable, my moves calculated, overthinking every word and overanalyzing every movement. These people don’t see my worth. They don’t appreciate the real me, so I keep it hidden. My relationship with them is nothing more than a forced camaraderie. Therefore, I add no value to them and they add no value to me. At least that’s how I feel.

In your relationship with yourself, know your worth. Don’t rely on others to validate you. However, in your relationship with others, always seek to add value. Make your presence known and your absence felt.

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.

Mother Teresa

The 3 Cs that ruin every relationship

Hello 👋 reader and welcome to my blog!

I’ve been on an emotional rant lately, and with the new year, better me, I decided to take a more positive approach to dealing with my feelings.

About 2 weeks ago, I heard a podcast about marriage and it was filled with gems of advice. It was about how relationships are hard work and you need genuine connection and quality time. The main theme, though, was about the 3 Cs that ruin a marriage. This can apply to any relationship, but usually is talked about in the context of romantic relationships. These Cs are criticize, condemn, and complain.

Criticize

Criticism is everywhere and everybody does it. Some people get paid to do it, like art critics. There is nothing a human is better at than being judgemental. That’s what criticism is. It’s passing on your judgement and pointing out the flaws in something or someone.

Here’s the thing. Nobody is perfect. We are all human. We make mistakes. We forget. We get emotional or irrational. Some mistakes are more forgivable than others, especially when you differentiate between doing something on purpose or by accident.

When we are bothered by something from someone, we have every right to address the issue. However, we often address it at the wrong time (when our partner is tired or hungry or has a headache) or the wrong place (in front of our children or in laws) or wrong method (hurling insults instead of gently suggesting while making the other person feel loved, cherished and understood).

Why do we criticize?

We criticize because we somehow feel devalued by the behavior or attitude. Critical people tend to be easily insulted and especially in need of ego defense. Critical people were often criticized in early childhood by caretakers, siblings, or peers, at an age when criticism can be especially painful.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201404/whats-wrong-criticism

How can we stop criticizing?

  1. Be realistic. Meaning lower your expectations of others and don’t be a perfectionist.
  2. Look for the positives. Nobody is perfect. Focus on their good attributes.
  3. Don’t take the behavior personally. Usually, someone’s behavior has nothing to do with you. Maybe they’re in a bad mood, or tired, or have a headache.
  4. Consider whether you need to say anything at all. Sometimes you just need to let it go.
  5. Ask directly and respectfully for what you want. Yelling doesn’t get your point across faster, it makes the other person defensive.
  6. Manage your own anxiety and stress. This is my biggest obstacle.

How can we deal with criticism from others?

  1. Evaluate the Critic’s Intention Honestly. Are they criticizing you because they are trying to advise you, or are they purposely trying to put you down?
  2. Assess if the Feedback provided is Constructive or Destructive. This depends on the method the criticism was delivered.
  3. Show Gratitude to those who Offer Constructive Criticism.
  4. Control Your Emotions when Handling Constructive Criticism. Don’t get defensive.
  5. Consider the Suggestions not the Tone of the Feedback. Look for the grain of truth.

Condemn

There are 10 types of automatic negative thoughts, one of which is called generalization. If you had a bad experience with someone so you say “all people are bad” or someone you know isn’t listening to you and you say “you never listen to me” even though that’s not true.

What does it mean to condemn?

To condemn someone or something is to express complete disapproval of; censure.

The problem with condemning someone or something is that you’re rejecting it as a whole. Just like saying “screentime is bad for kids” when in fact there is a lot of educational and beneficial screentime out there when monitored for a certain amount of the day.

Why do we condemn?

When you express your moral outrage and punish people who have mistreated others, you’re able to broadcast to other people that you yourself are morally good.”

By condemning bad actions, you broadcast your own morals, advertising yourself as trustworthy and “good.”

How can we stop this bad habit?

  1. Don’t pass judgment. If you find yourself being judgmental, stop yourself.
  2. Understand. Instead of judging someone for what he’s done or how he looks, try instead to understand the person.
  3. Accept. Once you begin to understand, or at least think you kind of understand, try to accept.
  4. Love.

Complain

Complaining is often confused for venting. I did a post once about the difference between complaining and venting (click here). We often don’t even notice when we are complaining.

What is complaining by definition?

To complain is to express dissatisfaction or annoyance about something or someone.

But why do we complain?

Complaining keeps people from taking action. It gives excuses to procrastinate and keep from achieving goals. It’s always much easier to complain than to find a solution. Another reason people complain is to avoid responsibility.

How can we stop complaining?

  1. Step back. Look at the big picture. Will it matter in a year? In 5 years? If not, then let it go.
  2. Look within. Take your complaint seriously. Why does it bother you? Can you do something about it?
  3. Choose the right channel. If you must complain, choose a trustworthy friend or family member. Someone who will validate your feelings, be honest with you, and give you advice when needed.
  4. Air valid concerns. If you complain about everything, your concerns won’t be taken seriously. But if you try to let things go, when you do have a big concern, you’re more likely to be heard.
  5. Find the positives. Looking on the bright side in life is very important. You don’t always get what you want and people don’t act like you want them to, so look for the upside in every situation and your complaints will naturally decrease.
  6. Practice gratitude. Count your blessings. Remember the things you have now that you used to pray for. Enjoy the little things and see how fortunate you are.

I hope this post benefitted you. Please like, comment, and share to your friends and family. Also, follow my blog if it’s your cup of tea.